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Have you ever gotton lost in a terrible thought?
Have you ever had a hard time trying not to cry?
Have you ever thought you were weak for wanting death more than anything else?
Yes, and it’s not easy at all. Have you?
work and play have lost all meaning. The barriers between personal and professional life have shattered. It’s all the same crap now, junk that’s in between me and non-existence. I work and play but don’t put my heart into anymore; nothing feels good. I am Anhedonia.
I can’t live like this, my life is not so bad that I have any “good” reason to kill myself but it’s not good in any way either. It’s been good but I don’t enjoy things.
I can go home after working and sedate myself and do it all over again but why??! FUCK! Friends don’t mean much to me […]
I don’t want to live anymore, but at the same time I’m just so scared of dying. I’ve never tried to commit suicide before but I have been thinking about it for awhile now. It’s like my whole life is just a one big mistake. Almost every classmate of mine hates me and I don’t even know why, I’ll never be good enough for my parents, it seems like all they want is for me to be perfect but I can’t give them that. I’m failing school and my parents are mad at me for that, they think that I’m not even trying but I […]
My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 – Tuesday […]
Thanks for making me take a lil time to consider my decision. Was nice to see a couple loved ones past couple weeks.
goodbye
About four years ago, my life fell apart with no catalyst. I suddenly realised just how futile my existence was. I was in a job I didn’t enjoy that fed nothing but the pockets of some well seated theatre types, I lived on my own and was miles away from any of my friends. All of my life I’ve felt I’ve never really contributed to anything, materially, socially or emotionally. I was utterly isolated and I knew nobody missed me. Right now, I’m in a different job, living in a flat with a friend who, since moving in with me, has made it patently clear that […]
Want my life to end. Thinking about different methods every single day. Being bullied every day by my so called man. He mentally tortures me. How long can I hold on???
Help….
Just got off of the phone to my dad, he thinks that I was just being lazy in my exam, and OCD is not an excuse for the fact that I only wrote three paragraphs….. I love him so much but he’s not very supportive…. I really want him to understand how hard it is….
I can’t help but think that I should have done it when I had the chance. I was on a field trip to Italy, and when we were shopping in sorrento, I noticed a metal fence blocking off a really low down bendy road, it was quite a long way down. […]
Not really too sure what I’m going to write about, but I feel the need to express myself. Here goes nothing..
So lately I’ve been freaking out quite a lot. When I say “freaking out” I mean, REALLY freaking out. Like throwing cookie dough at my dad, screaming, having the cops called on me, and my brother throwing a peanut butter jar at my face to get me to stop. Made for a nice little fat lip for a few days.. I can’t even remember why anymore. It was stupid. A flash.
I was so pissed that day I just couldn’t calm down. I had to shower […]
hey everyone, i recently got back together with my old boyfriend, i never really got over him… watching what he does in class, caring when he gets a new girlfriend i really liked him but i made a stupid mistake and i ended the relationship… but now we are back together and i feel happy again, but all some of my friends are acting really disaproving of me with him (he sort of does a bunch of illegal stuff) but i love him so fuck them
after that last post, it hit me like a broad seeing red; my entire life is an act. No wonder I’m so tired. The minute I leave my apartment, I’m weighed down by the way I have to be to get ahead, to get by, to not be harassed etc etc. I guess in a sense we all do it, but everything I say is a farce. I don’t celebrate holidays anymore, I dropped all superstitions, minimized/simplified my diet; I’m trying to live the way an evolved human might. The world around me doesn’t make sense and I worry about who I’m to become, […]
I feel like breaking down into hysterical sobs but I can’t because I have some semblance of a life to lead.
I’m so shocked that I’m here again, depressed and feeling antsy. I’ve been recording a lot of material the last few days and it’s been wonderful; I feel so proud that I was able to complete so much in such a short period of time, especially since I was raised to procrastinate. I’ve been satisfying my “artists spirit” and the hours just float by. I get really bad hunger cramps because I’m so focused on my shit that I skip dinner. Things have been going […]
I went back to school today, it was the worst couple of hours ever! Was hoping for a fresh start but kept getting dirty looks from people. I feel insecure as it is. I can’t stand the way I am. I hate myself I don’t need someone else to tell me what a fuck up I am. Thought I would have a fresh start with people I considered friends instead I was greeted with a “fuck you!” and someone else shaking their head at me. The thought that kept running through my mind was ‘what am I doing here? Why didn’t I just end it […]
After 2 months I thought I got rid of the awful virus that is eating me alive but I shaved my pubic area and the warts came back with a vengance. I’m in constant pain. All I want to do is sleep to escape. In my dreams I am normal again; the girl in my dreams was not date raped by a scum bag, her innocence and her healthy body are intact. But when I wake up I am diseased, damaged goods. It doesn’t matter how attractive and fit I am because I am a disease carrier. I am destined to be alone for the […]
I recently got accepted for a college course which starts next Monday but just this morning they contacted me saying there was a problem with my application and I’m no longer accepted for the course. I actually felt like my life had a point again up until now. Now its gonna be another 6 months sitting in the dark watching other people enjoy their lives. Back to the emptiness of feeling nothing but hate and shame. Oh well. Somehow I doubt I’ll be around after those 6  months. I’ve simply had enough. Also in my previous post I mentioned not being able to kill myself because of my mum. […]
I’ve never been afraid of anything in my life, but I’m afraid of committing suicide… I’ve bunjee jumped, sky dived, scuba dived, been cage sharking etc. etc. but I always felt with those things that whatever the risk, the likelihood is nothing bad is going to happen… But with suicide I know that obviously something bad is going to happen to me…. That probably doesn’t make sense, but basically I can’t live my life because of the mental anguish I suffer and have suffered for over ten years, but the physcial act of killing myself scares teh living sh*t out of me….. I’ve got all […]
Well nothing happen today. Well except for demons talking to me ! Well I been feeling kind of sad today like I want to cry but I’ll just hold my tears inside. Well I don’t why I’m Feeling sad and nothing hasn’t happen too me today ! My brothers and sisters are nobody wasn’t messing with me. Why is this everyday feeling ? I really don’t know !!!!
Seven years ago my husband left me and my one year old daughter. Â He was very verbally abusive and I never realized how much he tore me down. Â Since then it has been one bad relationship (if you can call them that) after another. Â I have been smacked around, forced to have sex, and used just for sex and I stupidly believed that people loved me when in fact they were just using me. Â I don’t think anyone has ever really loved me. Â The only person that has kept me going is my daughter but I am starting to think maybe she is better off […]
My suicide story isn’t base on a single dramatic occurrence or a series of bad hands dealt to me by life, like so many have posted concerning their suicide stories. Like many (if not all) here I have been dealing with deep depression, manic mood swings, and suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, that at times feels all consuming. Again, my path to suicide wasn’t due to a traumatic event but rather a fucking series of mundane, minutiae life events that have led me to deciding to off myself at the end of lackluster, Loserville 25 year bullshit life. All my life I haven’t amounted […]
I’m 19 now and I’ve been obsessed with suicide for about 28 months (to be precise :P) I don’t remember how it began… when I was 16 I started feeling depressed, literally because I hated myself, especially my appearance. I remember crying every time I looked in the mirror and crying randomly in public. I didn’t tell anyone… I don’t like talking about my problems to people I know well. Another reason I hated myself so much was because I felt so odd. I got so frustrated with myself and my inability to hold a conversation. I didn’t ever think of suicide at that time […]
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