General

I called a suicide hotline…..they hung up on me. Go figure.

Sorry but I just happened to stumble upon this site….. Hullo My name’s Aj, I’m 16, a self-injurer, and have recently been dealing with suicidal thoughts so uh here it goes:

Background: Father- beat the crap outta-you kinda dad, Mother- I love her to death but she married an ass, never been to a physc….probably should, and my family believes that suicide is a cowards way out.

I haven’t dealt  with suicidal thoughts for over 2 years. By this I mean thinking about it everyday and constantly planning. For some reason the thought of me ending my […]

They say the holidays r harder then most other times… Maybe its true, but… I just feel lost all the time. I feel selfish cuz my depression is sparked from something so petty compared to others real problems. Non the less, I feel so torn up inside…
Despite wut my loved ones say, iv never done anything to make any1 proud… Getting through highschool so many years ago was the highlight of my achievements and I haven’t had the desire to progress ever since… I’m at a dead end job and will never be able […]

There were a couple of people which built their own machine and ended it all. Gruesome because uasually they aren’t found for days or weeks. The head still has conscieness after being severed for a few moments maybe a minute or more. Seem like it would take some carpentry skills and some basic common sense  as to how it would actually works.

As I’m sitting here, I’ve heard at least 3 different gun fights with in blocks of where I live. It every night there are gunshots just blocks away. I think did anyone get hit, or are the drug deallers just shooting randomly.

I was going through tough times, I had depression, struggling with an eating disorder, and just feeling so different. I felt like no one understood and that I was  this freak. This girl that no one understood, a girl that people laughed at, a girl that people gave dirty looks to.  I fell into a deeper depression, (which i still am in now) About a month ago, it was only cutting, which seemed harmless to me. It almost felt nice, i was numb to pain now.

I stopped for about too weeks.

Then it continued this time, only more intense, more deeper and it became a daily […]

Im 20 years old and can not take life any longer. I have a severe un-interest in life.. I grow bored and am growing to feel a hate for the human race itself. I love my family and friends but I just feel I could have coped a couple of thousands of years ago. Just not in this time, with all the needless labels humanity has created for simple personality traits… for example, if your an overly ”shy” person that likes being alone and has the ability to enjoy your own company your ”labeled” as a unsociable freak that needs medication. everything is blown out of […]

I don’t even really know what to say or how to say it or what direction I am going to go with this but I want someone anyone to hear how I am feeling so their will be no questions…I am not a weak person I am very strong mentally and physically but at some point as a human being when is enough enough? Over the past couple months I have lost my job not have any contact with my daughter and on xmas eve my girlfriend of seven years broke up with me. So in a matter of months I have lost everything I […]

How many people here are gonna do ligature asphyxiation?

I’d like to talk about it with someone

mrsebastior @ gmail . com

I’m sorry for leaving you.

I just couldn’t handle this phobia.

I ain’t placing any blame.

I just wasn’t happy.

Only when i smoked weed and/or did zopiclone, played guitar and talked to george.

When i smoked weed and/or took zopiclone, playing guitar feels kinda spiritual, like i’m connecting with the drugs, guitar and music.

But when i come down from the drugs i’m just right back to square one.

Depression. Because of my phobia. And i just sit and cry, wishing i’d die

I was actually gonna go months ago, but i stayed, for you mum, and george, who’s my best friend.

The only true friend and person i ever talked to. I’m […]

Hello my friends,

I hope the Christmas day is not being too unkind.

The intention of this post is to introduce myself. I imagine I will be here for a while, and thought it polite to do so before sharing out the trite advice of which I find so often to be true. But I must first apologise; I am in a bad frame of mind tonight and realise I may sound incomprehensible.

You should know that i have decided to make a change. I have decided [selfishly] that to better help myself, I will attempt to help others. You see, I have run out of ideas and am now desperate. This is my […]

I can’t live with this phobia any longer

I told you all it’s what made me suicidal and i wanted to get it sorted out before we started with the ocd and anxiety therapy. Which we didn’t ’cause my therapists didn’t listen to me.

I ain’t placing any blame even if it sounds like it.

I’m sorry for leaving you mum, don’t think i didn’t appreciate all you did for me.

I’m sorry i never showed how much i love you and how much you meant to me.

We had our ups and downs, i still love you though, no matter what.

And dad, i don’t really know what to say, […]

Do you ever feel like you  live your entire life waiting for something?  Wait until next year, then things will get better.  Wait until I  graduate high  school, college, law school — then life will start.  Wait until  I  meet the  right guy, then I will be happy.  Wait, wait, wait.

I’ve been waiting for almost 15 years now.  I always think  the next accomplishment will be  the one to make me happy.   But the longer I live and the more I accomplish, the emptier I feel.  I graduated from high school at the top of my class.  I was a National Merit Scholar and […]

i know this post doesnt belong here, on a website about depression and suicide, but i really need to do something other than cry about it.

Nixon was my cat since i was born, when i lived in a different state. I remember him scratching me when i petted him in the eyes when i was about three. I remember him scratching me when my parents were arguing. I remember falling asleep during breakfast and nixon rubbed my hand which was hanging down. he used to rub against my grandmas hand while we ate and she would say “no i wont give you food.” Mostly I […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVbctV4RTBc&feature=BFa&list=PL342AB87977777904&lf=mh_lolz&index=2
^This is my favourite song from a band named Sigur Ros. It does not contain any real lyrics, so the song was made for “the Listener to create their own story, their own meaning. Enjoy^

I include that, because that is what I am listening to as of now, and what I was listening to when I was over a friend’s house christmas eve morning.  I got drunk over a friend’s house, to which I found out while driving that I was unable to drive (haha), so I called a girl and asked her if I would be able to sleep over, she said yes.  […]

WARNING: The post you are about to read is incredibly long and melodramatic and really not worth reading. Proceed at your own risk.

Hello all. Some of you may remember me, but I doubt it, not that it matters. I hope your holiday season is going better than mine.

I lost my job yesterday for flipping off a customer. I was already pretty upset about it, then I talked to my mother, who confirmed most of my greatest fears in just a few sentences. Her words were something along the lines of “I knew this would happen, it was only a matter of time. Everytime you called […]

The more i think about it the better it sounds and my familliy doesn’t celebrate chistmas so i wouldnt ruin anything as far as the holidays go but i thought that just sounded nice

Hurt and pain so very much of it. I have lost my parents, my husband, my home, my job, my children are back and forth between they love me when I am doing things for them but mostly they just love their dad. I have been raped, beaten, violated, and generally  mistreated a great deal of my life, all I had hopes for were my children and on Christmas eve I can not even get a return phone call after spending several grand and a mostly happy day yesterday. I give to them, to everyone around me. People say I am such a good person, […]