General

Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man’s soul and fateAnd I was ’round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fatePleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my gameStuck around St. Petersberg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vainI rode a tank
In a general’s rank
When the Blitzkrieg raged

If any of you read my previous post awhile ago, then you would know that I figured out “the how” and “the why” and “the where” and obviously “the who”, but I could not figure out “the when”. I have now decided when I am going to do it, and I feel so much better now. It is a relief. I feel so calm, and it feels like the first time in weeks that I can get anything done. I was going to wait until after the holidays, but I have decided not to. I know that sounds selfish (and according to most, the very […]

Today I fell to my knees and cried out for help, and of course, there was no one to answer. My chest hurts; it feels bottomless. Oh how I mourn the past. This void envelopes me. Tears stream forth from my eyes. They fill my cup, and I consume the great sadness.

I tried and failed.

Today, I was talking to one of my brothers (a great friend). We shared some time after lunch talking about our faith, and praying to God.

One of the stories I shared is one that is close to my heart. A little duck was in a pond. He was surrounded by many other ducks swimming so peacefully around him. He was struggling and seeing how hard it is to stay afloat. It is not so easy to paddle to stay a float, so he decided to let go. He started drowning, and while he was looking underwater, he noticed that everyone else also was struggling to […]

One of my closest friends killed themselves today. Thats 2 in only three weeks!!! what the fuck. i hate this so much. who else is next?? fuck my life.. im so depressed.

Today i was in my kitchen, cutting meat with a big knife. Before i knew what i was doing, i had slit my wrist slightly. Before realization hit, i just stood and watched the blood begin to fall from my arm down to the counter. thats when i had a thought, if i could do that and handle the pain why not do what i always wanted? Even when my reason for living would be devastated, i would be selfish and do it just because. Could i do what my best friend had done to me, to him? She did it because she couldn’t handle […]

Sleep is all i really do, except be on my laptop. Soon enough, that will be taken away. My mom yell at me for sleep. If she haven’t notice. Thats all i got to do. And she wouldn’t even let me explain either. Lets face it. I can’t live in this household anymore. I really don’t know what to do anymore. Why does my life have to be so boring. So depressing. So… miserble.

I’m not suicidal, not yet any way. I’ve thought about it before, when I was younger in school. It was normally after i was bullied by my friends, if you could call them that. Then I went to college and left them all behind and I realized i didn’t have to be friends with people i didn’t like. I didn’t have to be friends with people that definitely didn’t like me. It was really nice for a while and I felt different, stronger. I had prospects, University, a good job.
I lost weight, not a lot but enough for people to notice. For guys to […]

Hey everyone how are you truly feeling? Well i hope you all are doing well, and just to let you know I’m doing good myself.

I just want to say a few things, so please listen… and it would be nice if you leave a comment. Anyway people please, don’t

take your life away, I promise it’s not worth it. Your problems don’t really last forever it’s your choice if you want them to last forever,

but if you kill yourself  that will last forever.

Also if you kill yourself you are not going to go to Heaven (at least that is what i think), and i promise you […]

Over the past year i’ve been experiencing a variety of medical problems. My main concern is a state of vertigo i am always in. Every waking moment of my day is spent feeling dizzy and wanting to throw up, this is not a mental thing I am sure as hell feeling it in the depths of my stomach. All my symptoms point to the little known Menieres disease, of which there is no cure and is degenerative. It affects balance and hearing. I’m 19, and i’ve read alot about this disease, what seems to be of common occurence is that it generally gets worse as […]

I came from nothing. Did not exist once. So if i came from nothing And i go back to being nothing. Can it happen again.? Cause it’s all ready happend once. I never gave the religion thing much thought. I new we all end up dead. But never really paid much attention to it.
I have decided to kill my self.. Cause i’m not going to live like this. So you start thinging about it.
I don’t get the hole after life deal. Cause think about it. I’m my body and my body give me my personality.
From keeping fit. ( i keep fit cause my body like’s […]