General

I am just less than 15 hours away from a long awaited back surgery that will finally relive the pain in my leg that I have had since May. 39 minutes ago was supposed to be a different kind of surgery….A self administered death. But here I am thankful that it didn’t happen that way. I have learned that we are blessed with people in our lives and that sometimes we may think those blessings are curses. I see this is not the case anymore. Everything happens only to make us strong and smarter. I have been depressed for so, so […]

My dad is a hardcore alcoholic and I burly ever see my mom. I guess I should start from the beginning. I have an half brother from a different dad who is 18, a half sister who is 17, and a little brother who is 5. I am a 13 year old girl. Growing up in my house wasn’t easy. My dad used to sell drugs and when he did take them he would come home and beat my mother in front of me and my siblings. I remember one time he hit her so hard that she fell into a mirror and broke her […]

I hear what everyone says, don’t freak about it there’s been worse, your life is not that bad and I know. I’m well aware that my life isn’t as bad as most people. I’ve been lucky I guess. I got out easy. But from everyone telling me it’s not that bad no one stops to listen. I don’t mean to complain about these little things that have happened but I do need to vent so here goes; ver since birth, my mother has had a strong passionate dislike for me. Saying the word hate only pushes me closer to the edge so I’ll use dislike. […]

I have decided to return to God. I have decided to tell my family how I feel. God know, and I’ve told him already. My current life is in jeopardy, but I must atone and try to make the good choices. I guess I should be glad that it’s not so bad yet, but I am not. I want my family to know how I feel.

So. First off I hate life. I honestly see no point in me being in this world. Suicide is very tempting, but scary. My parents, honestly, dislike me. I want to get out of my house, might run-away, not sure yet. I just think I’m useless in this world… My friends always put me down in a joking matter, but it still affects me, even though I tell them to stop, they keep on. I’m 15, and yes I’m mature, I’m not being a ***** about life and crying over everything. I used to believe in God, but everything went down hill, so I lost […]

I’m not looking for attention or answers; just a place to write out my feelings and let them exist as long as some hard drive in some server somewhere is around.  When that rusts, so will these thoughts.  All of us are drops in an ocean of souls.  We mix in with the rest.  If some are lost, who will be there to remember them?  Soon everyone we ever loved or who ever loved us will be gone and there will be no record of our existence.  Headstones will crumble, earth will shift, decay and entropy will prevail.  We are nothing.

In the last several years, […]

The one about i want to find a gun in the u.k. But that will never happen.

I know so many people who have it hard… way worse than me in many ways, some truly helpless to do anything about their own situations- and then there is me.  I have tried to make what I could better in my life- and the things I have had to accept I have done my best to do just that.  But, after trying so hard, for so long, trying new ways to get through, etc- it just goes from bad to worse despite my efforts. And, I have given up- the prospect of continuing to get older- alone and in pain all the time- just has no […]

I don’t know what to do anymore..I’m about to become Homeless and I’m scared to death..My cellphone has no minutes..I lost my job along with a bunch of others..have no one to turn to..sold my jewlry for money to get food..been dumpster diving for food..internet will be shut off soon..have to throw all my stuff in the dumpster cause i have no place or money to store in..I’m in debt with the landlord for 2 thousand dollars..Have no car..it’s cold outside..I’m a female and all alone..I have been on my knees in tears praying for a miracle from god to help me..But no answer..I have […]

It’s so hard to get through the day

but on top of everything In my life everyone else still expects the same of me, and in some cases more.

My teachers expect homework no matter what on the day its due. When sometimes tell them I don’t have it , they mostly ask why… I almost want to break down and tell them everything. Tell them that I didn’t do my homework because I was drunk and I cut myself. They wouldn’t understand, so I just say I forgot to write it down

My coaches expect me to be able to keep up with all the physical work […]

It’s funny the things we can survive. There are things that literally seem like they could kill us, but here we are. It’s amazing the amount of pressure the human mind can take.

And sometimes the mind breaks. It can’t handle all the pressure to be perfect, the demand to conform.

I’m pretty. I have beautiful long dark chocolate brown hair and mysterious denim blue eyes that can take anyone’s breath away. I’m not obnoxious or timid; I catch you off guard with my sarcasm and wit.

I’m all of what society says I should be except for one thing- I’m fat. And I’m not talking […]

sometimes i wonder what the point of living this life is.

I was born to a great family that deeply loves me. The love they have for me is immense, and it fills my heart with joy. I love you Dad, I love you Mom, I love you lil sis. I have such a bright future. School, University… I have always been very good at it. I am very good at it…. However, my private life became a source of gratification through hedonism. Slowly, I put myself into bigger risks forgetting the bigger picture. I didn’t care who I hurt as I went around searching for self gratification.  Until finally, a vengeful former “friend” decided to […]

I don’t know… Why I’m writing this… I’m a Christian; a truly devout follower of Christ, and I love God with all my heart. But the pain is too much.

Waiting for everyone to go to sleep….

i cant go one day without needing reassurance.. im alone hate my life and am hurting at levels i never imagined possible..
i need someone..
anyone

Im 27. I have been depressed and have had periods of serious suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember. Ive tried making massive lifestyle changes, I no longer drink or use drugs and I excercise daily. Ive tried changing my thought processes, Ive tried talking to people. Ive decided that I am sick of living the lie. Happiness is not possible for me, and Ive finally began to make my exit plan. I will not survive the winter.