I did this, you can too.
I must pick up the pieces
And Put them together
Make sure all the cracks are concealed
So they stay out of sight
The audience must be pleased
Even if I’m not at ease
Category:
I Will Survive
so long to all my friends everyone of them met tragic ends with every passing day i be lying if i didn’t say that i miss all to night and if they only knew what i would would say if i could be with you tonight i would sing you to sleep never let them take the light behind your eyes one day ill lose this fight as i fade in the dark just remember you will always burn as bright be strong and hold my hand time becomes us, you’ll understand we’ll say goodbye today and sorry how it ends this way if you […]
Tonight is bad. Bad day at work. When my shift ended, I ran out of there on the dot. I can’t stand the job from the company to the day to day work. The managers are okay until they say one thing, then say the opposite. Makes me crazy. So, I was pushed to the edge tonight. I distracted myself with reading. I ate ice cream, cake, cookies, pizza. It felt good for like two minutes. Then nothing. No good feelings. I took the slow spiral dissent into my deep, dark feelings of waning to die. Just wanting this madness to end! Can’t get a […]
I’m not perfect.I said that many times before but I can’t seem to grasp it.
My best friend is a shadow,I’m emotionally unstable,and seem to have bad luck every other day.
I have nothing else to do but try and cope.Wish me to break a leg.
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
I left the house at 3:45 pm when I remembered I wanted to visit a few of the local thrift stores. I got to four out of five I wanted to. I found two pillows- a body on and a bed pillow. Just 30 minutes before I was unable to make a move towards anything. I was so down, I called my crisis line and just spoke for a ten minutes or so. Just enough to get myself going.
So, as I dash from one side of town to the other I am feeling- this is life! Yes! Just an hour ago I was going to […]
I have had some rough days and nights. One night I came to my limit! I was worn out, exhausted at dealing with all my depression, anxiety, fears, anger…etc by MYSELF! I called my crisis line and got a guy that when I talk to him, I do not feel comfort. I decide, as he answers, I will tell him I only needed to tell someone how sad I was, how worn out I was and that was all. He goes into a speech trying to give me advice and I tell him, I am not looking for advice, I just want to share that feeling so […]
I stood on the railing in complete darkness. The glow tape on the stage below gave me an idea of the distance I would be falling. It wouldn’t be enough on it’s own, I’d have to dive head first in order to finish the job. The warmth of the upper level of the theater was comforting in what I thought were my final moments. My balance shifted, causing the thin cuts above my knee to reopen, my blood mixing with the nervous sweat I was covered in.
From this vantage point I could see all parts of the stage. I often came to this very spot […]
I am going to tell my life story up to today. There is a point to this, so just bear through all of this. I promise, it may be worth reading. I’ve been familiar with sad things for my whole life. When I was five, my mom kicked my dad out because he was an alcoholic and a drug user; he also treated her very badly. I remember seeing him occasionally after that. I didn’t realize what my dad was into until I was much older, where I grew up watching him drink and abuse his girlfriend. In 2nd grade, a man moved in with […]
I had 4 public speaking engagements in three days, I taught a class and then went to a kick off for a charity walk. No classes this week – spring break. I still have a shitload of homework to do but I am about to leave for Niagara Falls to gamble for a 3 day vacation. I am on the Deans list with honors 4 semesters in a row but I think this class I’m taking is going to drop my GPA. So I joined a couple honor societies while I still have the GPA to be invited to these things. I need something to […]
Which is not an easy thing to say, since it was about this same time last year that I was feeling the same way. My “Bete Noir” {Black Beast…it’s what I call my depressed self. I’m bipolar and my depressed self is NOT ME. This much I know to be true…} has surfaced and I’m in worse shape this year. I’ve lost my home; was fired from my job; lost everything I owned that was in storage for the past few years because I couldn’t afford the fees. Still have my old car but haven’t been able to afford insurance, so my license is probably […]
Last night as I started to go to sleep I felt fear. It was odd because I had spent an hour on the phone with a good friend. I think the contrast of my talk with her and my empty apt and life was too much for me. I finally journaled about it and that helped some. But it was late and I was still awake- again for the umpteen time.
Finally I realized something. I was fighting control. Control of my emotions, control of sleeplessness. Fighting the feeling I am not whole, never will be. And maybe half dozen other active fears. :-< As I […]
I was born in Surrey, British Columbia on an early spring morning. My mother, being accompanied by only her parents was resting from the harsh birth just hours prior. My mother was married just weeks prior to her admittance into the hospital and with some surprise, my father entered the room with another woman. He wasn’t one to stay with the same woman for long before he’d discard the relationship to move on. The first two years were hell, I was abandoned in my crib for elongated hours with nothing more than a sippy cup of apple juice. My biological parents were incapable of […]
The end justifies the beginning,
“Take a step to oblivious, “he says.
“We came a long way to give up
You’re at cliff’s edge, one more simple step.”
“Embrace the fall,” he continuous
“Gently let go of the sorrow,
In the end I’ll well welcome you with open arms,
We’ll even sing one of His psalms.”
“Take my hand,” he says.
“There are no holes in my palms.”
I snap back, thought rang, “This is deadlier than reality.”
I smile and say, “let’s try this tomorrow.”
“The loneliness almost had me,
Somehow you came thru with that calming devilish voice,
At least someone to talk to when no one is.”
As far as answering the call, hold on
I’m not ready to […]
“But sometimes, I can see myself sinking so far down. Getting so desperate for some sort of tangible stability or peace. I can see myself getting a gun and swallowing the barrel.. I can’t See myself ever pulling the trigger, but I can almost hear the defining silence that comes after the blast. And I just wonder. Is there anything after this? If so, could it be better? I just want to be stable. I want to be okay. I can picture this landscape. Tall grass and a weeping willow in the middle of the field. Mountains are barely visible against the cool summer sky. […]
Im female, I’m 14 and have been self harming for 3yrs now. I was raped 5 times all by different people, beat by my step mom, ignored by my father, and I have tried to kill myself countless times. I have a few close friends that know what I’ve gone through and I have a girlfriend who is completely oblivious to the shit I’ve gone through… I just wanted to put a brief summary of my story out there so people know that sometimes it could be worst. Try and stay strong
lately my mental health hasn’t been too well.
i feel like i’m wearing a mask.
i am the happy and energetic person with my friends, but when i get home it’s like i’m a totally different person.
i always feel so unhappy and i feel like there’s something missing.
it took me a lot of courage to actually type this out.
i’ve started self-harming
i’m surprised no one has noticed all the scratches on my wrist, but i’ve been trying to hide it.
i’ve gone from scratching myself with fingers and biting myself
to pazors and compass points
but i want something more
i want to cut, but
i don’t want to see the blood
see all […]
so I decided that I’m going to try to turn over a new leaf and make myself see the positive in my life. I came extremely close the other day to trying to make an end I realized I didn’t want, that I shouldn’t want. I was wondering if any of you had any suggestions on ways to take little steps to help me see the happy and positive things in my life?
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life
by niki
written by niki
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life .. !
I am a 33 years old Asian guy, who used to have so many beautiful hope & dreams ,
and many people have told me that I’m a smart, multi talent , very creative, & wise person
but now the more I see this cursed world, people, humans beings, and this reality, the more I lose hope in humanity , losing hope in human beings, and also lose hope in myself & my future
you see ,.. Reality / real world / real […]
Some of my earliest memories are of my mother giving me up for adoption ( I was classified as a ‘child in need’). As I child, I didn’t realize she had given me up, I merely thought I was staying with family for a while. I remember two different families I stayed with for some time. The first family I stayed with, the V’s, I can barely remember. The V’s were nice, but were more interested the other child there than they were with me. The one I remember the most, lets call them the ‘D’s’, were my second family. I loved the […]