This is a first, reaching out because I’ve reached my end thinking this is going to take so much energy to write and expecting no response it hardly seems worth the effort. I’m a walking contradiction… I’ve read a few enteries and like some of you, I suffered a horribly abusive childhood however I can’t get over it. That said, I’m house bound, self inflicted. I haven’t left my house in ages, afraid of being judged, having to talk, seeing someone I know and having to pretend that my life is perfect which it isn’t. I’ve lots of bad habits, one of many is talking […]
Okay, so maybe this is a bit unfair of me to ask at this moment in time…..as I haven’t never posted till tonight. BUT:
Have any of you ever really felt numb? I thought I had and I had to some rearguards….however tonight and as of this week, I realize something more.
And pls forgive me ahead of time, I have been drinking, but this is something I have found this past week…and I am sitting here…still waiting for my CHURRO!!! As if anyone can hear me, while the band is playing loud and I have turned down several offers of dances….I should probably take someone up […]
Well, I just landed down in old Mexico. I’ve gotten my hands on 3 bottles of “N” (no reason to leave it to chance) and I’m preparing my farewell.
Life, it’s been real, so glad to see you go. Tonight, I eat, drink, party, do what I do best according to some ppl wake up the next day lay beachside for the day then make my way back to the resort and “drink” myself to “sleep”.
This is it, I’m finally here. Thank the Universe for some small fucking favors.
And thank the net for this site, you guys FUCKING rock!!!!!!! I’ve been lurking on here for a […]
im a young adult with no future and i have no help support or friends,i tried taking my life last year and i ended up throwing up and choking it was awful and i think i got lucky,i then i tried again and failed,and now i think im honestly going to go even further then i have before,i use several different sites to come on and unload but people either don’t care or they think im a teenager,i know the best people can do is tell me to reach out but they don’t understand that the mental health system has failed me and that i […]
🙁 Life sucks….
My life up to now has been nothing but crap….. Superficial, fake, and just tiring. I’ve grown tired of having to fake how i feel just to cope with family and friends and life in general when inside i feel the opposite of what i’m faking. I was told that if you worked hard you do anything. That nothing was impossible… To only find out that i was being lied to. Everyone else acts like life is great when it really isn’t… They blind themselves from the thought that there really is no point to it. Anyways i was wondering how could i […]
Because when she died, she grew wings, because when she died she set her soul free.
Because of her death the world will finally know the truth….
Butterflybae’s book is being published, “MASQUERADE” we are helping her to finish what she started. Her blog was a very small portion of what she had written in regards to her book. She kept a video diary as well, that will be put up on Youtube for all to see in the next few days. Also a complete collection of all her songs and poetry will also be published.
Last week I thought I was starting to get better. I started to let go of my depression, trying to live normally and forgetting about everything that cause my depression. I thought I was doing well. But right now, everything… everything is starting to come back. Everything is starting to fall apart again. Everything is breaking. I’m now being consumed by my depression again and I can’t control it anymore. Maybe I can’t ever be saved from my mental illness. Maybe this is my fate. Maybe life isn’t really for me. And I’ve decided, I’m going to end this fucked up life.
I sit here and wonder what is wrong with me?
Looking down a the black tunnel and I blindly see
Nothing but darkness and blackness
All I have ever wanted is to just be loved
Women look upon me as some cancer they don’t want
I just want the pain to end
Around the corner of the bend I see the bus.
Just waiting now because soon I will have my ticket.
I have tried to give everything to the relationships I have had
They all have failed which just makes me sad.
I don’t know if this even will make any sense to anyone
Its becoming harder to even remain lucid anymore.
I just wanted someone […]
Since I will be leaving this World real soon my only wondering at this point is the afterlife
What is it?
I know i don’t want to die but really, what other option do i have? Life is just too stressful and i don’t know what to do anymore. So for all of you reading this i think im just gonna kill myself, I’ve tried with multiple unsuccessful attempts but in the end im just going to do it while my parents are sleeping. I plan to leave a suicide note for my family and if any of my family is reading this or if someone knows me and figures out its me then please please please tell my mom im sorry and that i did […]
i have so much to be grateful for, but i’m extremely depressed.
i have a great good okay life, i have food to eat, clean water, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, and money to spend.
i am just incredibly lonely.
every time i try to reach out, i get rejected, bitten, cast aside. in private and in public.
no one ever contacts me, unless they want/need something from me. i haven’t spoken a single word to a single person since i left work on thursday night.
according to the world, i have no feelings, no emotions, and deserve not one ounce of care from anyone other than myself.
if […]
Life was starting to be fine for me after a while. Then I meet you and feel in love. Life was really looking up.
Then we started having problems. Found out you were a paid escort. Slept with thousands of guys. Found out you had been in the mental ward. Had autism along with some other fine side effects such as depression, bi polar and other things.
I tried to work past all of that even knowing you had been married 5 times before. Sorry to say I did not leave and stay gone when I should have.
No I […]
Tonight, I am planning to kill myself. I have planned many times to but I have held back because of what seemed like people who cared or the sacredness of what people would think if I failed. Tonight, however, ends all of this. To if you were my friend or you call yourself a friend of mine, I am sorry, but you should have known this was coming. To my family aside from my adoptive mom, I am sorry. To my teachers and other adults, why could not have done something. I know you guys have seen my cuts and scars. Some of you have […]
I woke up this morning seeing the bright light from the sun.It was 11:11 am,I must’ve drink too much alcohol last night that I feel a lil’bit tipsy this morning.I was talking to a friend in which I have lied about something,still,she can’t decide if she’s going to stay or not I think I deserve it anyway.I lied to people who cared and accepted me.Im a bullshit.She might stay or not,nothing will change I’m still going to be free on Feb 1,in the arms of death I’ll find comfort.
I have Social Phobia ( aka social anxiety), I always been the shyiest guy in school, college,diferent jobs. Missed classes in college cause of it, quit jobs cause of conflit due to bad comunication with others. Been to many job interviews and failed because of being so nervous, that since 2010 I tought I have to quit life, didn’t know when or how, but had to.
So I just tried to meet new places and walk a lot, while also searching for ways of dying. All of them seem painful so I ended up thinking maybe I could just buy some syringes with a large width […]
26th of January
They said suicide is the coward’s way out.It is the one big solution to a temporary problem.But what if the problem is permanent,will suicide be an available solution?Today I’m starting my countdown,a countdown where it will all start and at the same time end.Nobody can stop me because even I cannot stop myself.So love me,care for me,stay with me,because the last days of my life will soon be a tragic end.
“So what if you get depressed? everyone gets depressed you know. Don’t be so over dramatic”. Well, F*ck you. Don’t take depression too lightly my dear. It is one of a fucking hell. You think this is easy? NO IT’S NOT *****. You think getting depressed is normal? you think it’s just like “oh I’m sad.” then later “Oh I’m happy” ? NO IT’S NOT. You don’t know anything. You think I’m stupid for being dramatic? You think this is dumb? Wow. Just wow. I want to kill you by just saying that. Depression is savage af. Depression is hell and you can’t escape from […]
I am sorry if you truly know me and you are reading this. If you know me, you might have known this would happen but within the next few days, I am planing to kill myself. Why? I can’t deal with whats going on in my head.
I miss those days when living means the world to me.
4 years of depression….. People tell me to get over it. Enjoy life. Enjoy time with my friends and family. Talk to god. Yeah. I’ll always do those things. But it’s never enough to say that “I’m better now” “I survived from this illness” “I’m okay now”. I’m sorry if I’m like this. I’m sorry if I can’t recover. Even myself can’t help me. I won’t ever be fixed, and I’m sorry for that. I think people are thinking that I’m weak because I’m not doing an effort to get better. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for being a coward. For being pathetic. […]