it comes and it goes

i have so much to be grateful for, but i’m extremely depressed.

i have a great good okay life, i have food to eat, clean water, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, and money to spend.

i am just incredibly lonely.

every time i try to reach out, i get rejected, bitten, cast aside. in private and in public.

no one ever contacts me, unless they want/need something from me. i haven’t spoken a single word to a single person since i left work on thursday night.

according to the world, i have no feelings, no emotions, and deserve not one ounce of care from anyone other than myself.

if i ask for help, i’ll get locked up in a mental ward.

if i don’t, i suffer in silence.

i am completely and utterly trapped. i can’t stay here but i can’t get out.

it comes and it goes, but lately it’s been coming faster and faster, harder and harder, heavier and heavier…

i want to die

i want to be dead

i want to be gone forever

no one likes me

no one loves me

i am completely alone

and devoid of emotion

sitting in darkness

how can death be any worse

i cannot do it anymore

i cannot live

i cannot

i