For your poems.
I lost you,
I lost you as a bestfriend.
Because of some boy you said you didn’t care about anymore..
I told you my explanitation
But ok
Fuck you,
‘friend’.
For your poems.
I lost you,
I lost you as a bestfriend.
Because of some boy you said you didn’t care about anymore..
I told you my explanitation
But ok
Fuck you,
‘friend’.
Anathema – Angels Walk Among Us (Lyrics)
only you can heal inside,
Only you can heal your life
It must have been an angel
Who counted out the time
Yes it must have been an angel
Who raised a knowing smile
And I just couldn’t reach you
No matter how I tried
No I just couldn’t reach you
So instead I ran to hide
(only you can heal inside,
Only you can heal your life)
Mother can you hear me?
Can you tell me, are you there?
Father can you help me?
Cos I know that you care
And I don’t have to fight it anymore
For all […]
I don’t know what to believe.
I am so confused.
About everything.
Especially,
The God,
The Devil,
Or something else.
I want to die.
My only cure.
Hopefully,
That day will come soon.
I was going to write a story like so many before me detailing my previous suicide attempt and how I failed at even that but my story isnt worth retelling.
My life has been one of deprivation, whether it was food, clothes or an education I’ve missed out on pretty much all of it. I did get my state funded high school certificate though, yay me. Essentially I’ve reached a point now where im unemployable, I have skills and abilities and an intense drive to succeed in whatever I do yet with these attributes still no one will give me a chance.
I hate my mom.. So fucking much.
I wanna die.. Not just because of my mom.. But just my fucking life in general.
All the fucked up shit.
I cannot wait till I am fucking gone.
Slowly…
i had to crawl.
My weak arms
the sounding of alarms.
The hot ground
burning my hands.
I can feel the fan
as i reach for it.
The blisters
are like horrible sores.
I can see the people
stare me down.
I can see…
no hands reaching for me.
The sounds of whispering
the sounds of the alarms.
They are loud
against my fragile ears.
I cant crawl faster
i can feel the blood
dripping from my knees.
All i want…
is to stand again.
To see
a helping hand
call out to me.
But all i see…
is the emptiness
of being alone […]
I was supposed to be a winner but alas my life is lame. I don’t know who to blame, I used to be a courageous young girl, but I guess life happens and I got too afraid to try out new things after waiting a long time for my turn. I am watching America’s best Dance Crew right now and noticed that these dancers are so full of life, the blood in their veins pumping with life, that’s why even if I am not talented at dancing I would like to learn. They have got this attitude of no fear, they have this swagger, no […]
I thought I was nothing once…
It seemed I was a small, insignificant part of the world, and when I died everything would keep moving forward as if I didn’t ever existed in the first place. My hopelessness… my struggles… they were all too much for me. I was ready to die, not knowing what was on the other side, but hoping it was better than the hell I was living.
I was two years old when my parents divorced. I was the daughter of a 24 year old Sunday School Teacher and a beautiful 18 year old High School Graduate, but others in our community […]
i choked and the headaches and sensitivity at night to sound are back but at least I’m helping someone learn how to suicide properly. I’m a 16 yearold boy with a brain filled with information “Not for the weak or faint-hearted” like the ranger handbook I got that is close to worthless but still okay. I know more than him about the cartoids even though I don’t know if it’s an artery or what, probably, but I do know from common sense that if you block it you knock out and I do that on a nearly daily basis. I went a good 3 weeks […]
I recently got with some guy that I’ve liked since the bigining of the school year, my 2 best friends, loved him, they cut over him, one, carved his name.. But I liked him first.. I don’t know who the ***** is in this situation, I would and am thinking its myself, but I don’t know.
A bunch of girls liked him.. I liked him, and it turned out he liked me..
The odd thing is that we never had any classes together besides gym, but we never spoke in gym, never.
We only had the TAKS and the Benchmarks..
But anyways, as I said a bunch of girls […]
I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
I’m planning on commiting suicide
Overdosing or slitting my wrist
I really couldn’t be more excited
Well that is, if I suceed this time, or even do it
I just want to end
my depression, like the scar on my forehead. It is stuck with me. It will never go away. Except my depression comes and goes as it pleases, makes eme sad and angry occasionally and normal and content other days. Never truly happy though, but I’m better than my major depression a few months ago. I’ve choked so much, my past is new to me. Reality and dreams are hard to comprehend and I can’t figure which is which. Music from Matisyahu reminds me of Nycolle. My brain is completely set on the idea that I have no reason to live. My morals and values are […]
I can’t get him out of my head.
This guy, I met him in my youth group.
& he is actually my age.
I have his number, buy his phone had been disconnected for the longest time.
And, he moved.
But as much as I try to get him out of my head, it just doesn’t work.
Its tearing be apart.
When I talked to him, I felt..
Balanced, normal, he made me feel, there.
I need him.
But, I have no way to talk to him.
Great.
I hear the heartbeat in my ears and neck. I haven’t choked in a while. Its hard to breathe (but I could be just thinking I am). I’m watching World’s Greatest Dad about a guy who has a hard time with his son. His son calls everything a fag as in gay or bad. His son is really into auto-erotic asphyxiation and he got caught doing it. The sad part, the dad sees him dead because he choked for 2 long. He decides to make it look like a suicide, with a not and him hanging from his closet. Probably to hide the shame that […]
Sometimes, well a lot actually.
I find myself imagining I was killing people.
Slowly, painfully, full of blood.
Stabbing..
It makes me feel, crazy.
Not insane, crazy.
But, I really don’t mind.. Any of it.
Ok. Everyday My brain travels towards death. Idk what is about me. Maybe I’m not getting enough sex? I just write poems, songs, I sing, I play my guitar and harmonica. Yet I usually end up still feeling like shit. Sometimes I think heavy substance and numbness is my only way out of hell. This world is hell. I wake up hopeful of success but in the back of mind and in my home, I’m a failure. Feeling to is very familiar. I wish for suicide but I’m a lover not a killer. Life is just so bittersweet! I love life and it’s beauty and […]
I.
Idle fingers wormed into my aunt’s harem, fondling
bashful bottles, creams, blisterpacks. Sharps of
insulin and statins-flova,pita, prava, for gluttony
and wrath, indulgence for indulgence. Substituted
lust, better than sex. Pride in finding God’s loop
-hole, pharmacornucopia, spilling candies white
to kill greed and fool envy. Greyscale for the mind.
My new family, surname Pam. Daddy Diaze Pam,
my sisters Clonny, Lorry, and old poxy grandpapa
Chlordiazepoxiede. Drip, drip, burn,
bitter backflow. Novice, diazepam has 100%
oral bioavailability. New Years night, weightless
and opiate warm, I fixed grim odds online
How I know I’m fucked
Cigarettes:
Bottom of my food pyramid
Family History:
Swiss cheese kidneys and crusty coronary arteries all around
Ethnicity:
our worst enemies
Diet/Exercise:
Newports, cows, rice(death)/Varsity Mathlete
Blood Pressure:
Paranoid extrapolation=200 mmHG by age […]
Hello everyone. I’m not depressed, nor have I ever been, and I won’t even begin to pretend that I understand how you must be feeling. I’ve been lurking this site for a while, but I thought that perhaps I might recommend some music to you all as a means of coping. I know that it’s not going to fix anything, but the following albums are incredibly immersive, and if any of you happens to be able to fall into one of them for any amount of time then I believe that this post was successful.
Nick Drake – Five Leaves Left/Pink Moon
The Antlers – Hospice
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