For your poems.
I just found one of my blades in my book..
Talk about luck!! 😀
Category:
Poetry & Art
When you’re numb,
All you’d want is to feel.
It doesn’t matter if it hurts,
If it makes you feel, well then so be it.
Life’s filled with a whole bunch of nothings.
At least that’s how you see it,
For you just can’t feel,
Anything but numbness, that is.
Kids on the block calling you silly, all because you can’t keep that smile off your face,
That fake smile, you’re so damn good at,
Even your friends can’t see through it.
One minute you’re smiling your famous smile,
The next you’re crying into your pillow.
Mom thinks you’re all messed up,
It’s not you fault you […]
DISCLAIMER: THERE IS TOO MUCH TO READ HERE HAHA, SPENT TWO WEEKS WRITING THIS AND IT HAS MY DEPRESSED STATE OF MIND INSANITY LONELINESS AND EVEN A PANIC ATTACK!!!
So many thoughts…Â
Filling my brain.Â
The dream about my dogs and snapping a dogs neck.Â
The thoughts of the videos I watched.
 The woman dying in the bathtub, drowning while tied up. The video game that may have caused noises in the night, nightmares, paranoia, and other paranormal mishaps. I blame my mother for that nonsense, but whatever.
I read Maximum Ride today, the whole book of Angel which is only 300 pages, about 82 small chapters. I […]
I’ve been struggling with Major Depressive Disorder, anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder for about 3 years. I was hospitalized two years ago for obsessive thoughts, major depression and anxiety. I had homicidal and suicidal ideations for a long time. I hated school. Hated all those pricks in it. Along with the faculty and the injustice of the school. I researched the history of school shootings, and Columbine interested me the most. I could relate so much to Harris & Klebold. Their thoughts, plans and everything. I got to thinking: “Well I hate school. I hate the injustice of the school, my classmates and everything.” I was […]
Im pulled this way and that way.
Im pulled up and down.
My emotions are pulled daily.
My thoughts are every day.
Wishing I would be able to relax.
Wishing I would have some peace.
If I could just have my music and the type of books I read.
I’d be the happiest person on the planet.
I don’t know.
I don’t know about anything anymore.
I am so confused.
About everything.
Hello All – This is my story in an attempt to write things down with the hope that it may help my mind.
I’m a 35 yo gay person who did brilliantly throughout high school, got into the medical school of my choice, studied a second degree while at med school, obtaining a 1st class honours and graduating from med school with distinction. I was able to get into several residency programs, and went on to the one of my choice. I had been suffering from depression for many years, perhaps mainly because I had to deal with issues related to growing up in a homophobic […]
I knew it would happen.
Why do I always get too fucking attatched?
I’m never gonna be good enough for anyone.
Once upon a time there was a person who fell into a hole
Feeling unloved and alone they almost lost their soul
Recovery lead down a very long trail
Some friends couldn’t handle it and decided to bail
The clock ticked in process but eventually being able to heal
It was never to late many hands outstretched and they began to feel
Some encounters were rigorous and difficultÂ
In times like this it’s hard to remember it wasn’t your fault;
Don’t fret or worry sweet angel close your eyes and imagine that I’ll kiss your head
One day I will come to tuck you into that warm, soft and gentle bed
Being a lone wolf is […]
Im slowly disappearing, the quieter i am, the more silence my world becomes
by Knightofdoom
written by Knightofdoom
I slowly depart , as I lay in my room
another soul forgets me
who was she?
she was there?
I’ve lost all touch with humanity
love in no reality
People have actually stop responding to my words
they can’t hears my cries
if only they wouldn’t see me i would be gone …..
Where am I and where should I go
I asked someone but they didn’t know
I found my way to the pits of hell
And then deeper and deeper I fell
I have no way to be found
And that is why I’m on the ground
I left yawl in tears and now my life is lost
my heart gave up on love because love has a cost
I can’t find some place to stay
But when I get close a part of me pushes away
I have never done anything right
But I continue to still fight
I will never live with this lost life of mine
So I guess I will stay like this until […]
I open my eyes and all I can see is a blur.
Something is running down my face.
I feel lost and confused.
Why do I feel this way?
It comes and goes when it wants to.
Its like a plague that wont go away.
It has no reason to be here.
But it stays any ways.
I wish it would go and leave me alone.
For alone is best for me.
Did anyone see my post on a page called suicide. Where I wrote to go to suicideproject.com, did any of you choose to go to it, cuz it seems like there’s a couple new faces…
She turns on the water.
Making sure its cold.
Very cold.
Takes off her bra and underwear, slowly, but without hesitation,
She steps in the water,
Foot by foot,
Seeing her black toe nails under the water, looks beautiful to her,
Why?
No one will ever really know.
She sits down in the tub.
Her whole body in the freezing water.
Seeing her scars,
The wide, pink, teathered up scars on her thy.
She draws her attention away from the scars and slides her self down to be under the water.
She stays there,
Just stays, waitng to run out of breath.
She loves the feeling of running out of breath.
She comes back up.
Looks to her right,
And grabs her blade.
Her trusty […]
I sacrifice so much important shit for my “friends.”
So much fucking shit.
Guys, happieness, time, love, laughter, other things.. so many fucking important things.
I have no one.
No one.
I want to leave.
I WANT TO FUCKING LEAVE.
Seriously,
Please.
Just,
Let me be gone.
Been watching the most horrible videos ever recorded including pain Olympics. Why? Because I’m curious and mentally fucked up. I’ve seen a woman drowning while tied up, it happens for 5 suspenseful fucking minutes. Saw shootouts, a cop shit to death by what looks like a M1A1 Carbine, old World War II era weapon. There’s also the suicide of Ricardo Lopez and other shit. SP administrators, in case I have broken any rules of whom I haven’t read, well sorry just showing what a suicide looks like and imagine the look on your families faces when they see an eyeball strewn across the room along […]
listening
the sounds from those
tears over expectations
not met
though not abandoned
monotonous duties
so much to grieve
unappealing wasted time
all to be waiting again
the icy still muscle
of my heart longs
for the mundane task
that brings such dissatisfaction
the warm bodies who ignore
and never see what is
the days that slip by unfulfilled
with your deep breath
you sob your misery
and wish death upon your self
longing for when there will be no pain
no sadness to feel
or crush of loneliness
lifeless in my grave
without dream
I cannot grieve your sorrow
your dejection
over things not yet lost
take my death upon you
feel what […]
What is it to be alive?
Is it just breathing?
Is it walking?
Is it eating?
How am I suppose to feel?
Am I suppose to feel happy?
Am I suppose to feel sad?
Am I suppose to feel lonly?
When am I suppose to do things?
While Im half asleep?
While Im sad?
While Im in pain?
Where am I suppose to be?
In my house?
In the ocean?
In a store?
Who has the answers?
Does God?
Do familys?
do friends?