For your poems.
What a joke, now I’m supposedly possessed? Witch lady says she sees something riding on my back. Bring on the voodoo doctors and things that go bump in the night. Maybe whatever it is will get the job done right and quick.
Now I lay me down to sleep
Lord, I pray my soul you keep
I lean forward and push off the edge
I fall into a fog falling falling
With two downward thrusts I rise Above the fog. My wings are beautiful
I glide effortlessly through the clouds
Here is where I belong
Gliding effortlessly through the sky
Here I am powerful
Here I am hero
Here my dream is endless
My God sees me not
My tears fall unchecked
My screams go unheard
Why am I damned?
Why am I unforgiven?
Why my god why?
Sleeps sweet release
Sleeps sweet embrace
Is death better?
Will I dream in death?
Can I be and do things unimaginable
Can I be a man?
Can I stop being the Nowhere man doing nothing for nobody?
I will leap into the blackness
It will take me
It knows that I belong
I don’t belong here
I belong there…
dead
I feel the need to write here, because i’m back. back in this place I foolishly thought I could escape. I thought I could stop myself from drowning in my own head, but I can’t. I guess you could say this drop back into the abyss started with the first time I ever felt like this, but that’s another story for another time.
I feel this deep sorrow within myself, it always comes back. I find myself staring out the window at dawn, the soft pitter-patter of rain hitting the ground, the roof, and the trees. I find myself looking at the sky, which has a […]
The future isn’t some far off thing . Its right fucking now! And I could be waiting for things to get better and hoping for a better future for days, years, or months. Its a bunch of bullshit and everyone dies it doesn’t matter when you die as long as you do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in control of your death but also I get to die when I WANT to die. Because its MY life not my moms or my sisters or my grandparents or my friends life its MINE! and the only reason people want suicidal people to stay […]
I hate the holidays I’m like the next Scrooge no matter the holiday I always feel blue. Families gather and go hunting for eggs while I am alone sitting here in my bed. The hate that I build around this time of year is such an indescribable undesirable fear. I can’t stand the holidays I’m miserable you see. Because when this time comes around the only one here is me.
they don’t hide under your bed.
they walk the streets with you.
they sleep under the same roof as you.
they live in your head.
and the ones who don’t believe in them
are the monsters.
I dream of death
Of it’s sweet release
Of that final breath
That will bring me peace
This pain inside
Has broken me
Ripped open wide
Yet none can see
I long for love
Maybe just a hug
I long for love
But not even a hug
I want to cry
Someone see me please
No matter how I try
The nightmare will increase
I dream of blood
Where knife will meet
And in that flood
My sorrow outwards bleed
Empty darkness
Envelop me
Make me feel less
And rescue me
I’m eighteen, I’m a senior in high school, and I’ve attended four different high schools, one for each year essentially. I’ve suffered from depression since I was eleven (due to childhood abuse), and during the beginning of my sophomore year, I suffered from my first severe flash back starting my downward spiral of PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder. During the fourteenth week of school that year, I was admitted into a private mental health facility for inpatient treatment. I was there for eight days, and right afterwards, I attended iOP which is intensive outpatient; it lasted for six weeks. So I was gone from school […]
When people say it gets better I believe that to be a lie. I have been dealing with depression for most of my life and just when you get better shit comes up and drags me back the the darkness of my mind and chains me back up until I can get free then drags me back into a endless cycle. From my experience it is always a endless cycle of in and out of depression. And I’m sick and tired of fighting, I’m sick and tired of people telling me that it’s going to get better because for most of my life when it […]
I was doing so well. I was enjoying life more than I could have imagined for the last few months. I have great career prospects, excellent friends and a marvellous family but there’s that one thing missing, that one thing which will always be missing.
The devil popped around today selling potions that’d help me forget you, Green Eyes. He said that they’d take away the memories but I think of you more than ever. I swear you were right here next to me, even moments ago. Where have you gone, my angel? You always leave so soon. Everytime I remember your face more vividly than I did the time before. Is it you I’m even swooning for? Is it even you whispering sweet nothings in my ear? Or have truly lost it…
My eyes allowed me to see were I was heading. Without them I would fall into deep, cold holes but then my eyes showed me a path. I followed this path with dreams to keep going to see where it would take me. Yet something tragic has happened, implosive my eyes. I cant see where I’m going in life, and that means I cant see the bright side. I cant see what path is in front me. I cant see where I’m gonna be. I can see if there is even anything for me to keep going for. I cant see the bright side to […]
I see that it’s Spring and sunny. The wet earth is starting to smell nice. Flowers are starting to scent the air, little by slowly. It’s a new year in truth, and I look forward to it. And in the moments between one ray of sunshine and another, when the sun dims and the air cools briefly, I will probably be thinking of the coolness of a dark crevice of the kind an old tired animal might lie down in to return to the earth at last. At sunset the world will glow with beauty and passion and by nine or ten in the evening […]
Gazing from a forgotten cliff, down a old city. Seeing stars in the sky, each one representing many worlds, many possibilities. Looking down at the city lights, each representing a person, many stories and infinite possibilities. Looking up at sea of stars, looking down at an ocean of lights, feeling like I will drown in either, wondering if floating is it any better. Maybe I should just decide whether I should drown in a sea, or a ocean. Until I decide I should just keep floating .
Moon Gazer
sorry its not even a poem I just wrote it while I was looking down from a mountain […]
I always felt, like emotions are like standing in the rain naked. No matter how light, or heavy it rains, you can always feel it, with your entire being. Yet I have always felt, like I am in a glass cage, hearing, seeing, and smelling the rain, but never feeling it touch me. Wondering if i am the same, only missing one part, but such a crucial part. Refusing to break my cage, because maybe its my only shelter, maybe i would dissolve in the rain. Refusing to accept it, maybe it traps my spirit, from the waters that would nurture it. Helpless against myself, […]
This is in part for all you forest lovers here at SP (looking at you Waldschläfer!) and also to ask you guys if you have a ‘special place’ and if so, what’s it like and why do you go there specifically?
These are a few photos of one place I spend a lot of time getting away from it all. I took these in the winter and even then it’s a beautiful little spot to go unwind. My novice attempts at photography don’t do it justice, so you’ll just have to trust me, it’s real nice, even in its dankest state…
Dear mother,
I know you tried just to hide your secret hatred for me,
But I guess you shouldn’t have bothered ’cause you knew that I was gonna go anyway.
Dear father,
I’m sorry that I was never what you ever wanted,
But I guess you won’t even bother, ’cause at least I’ll never disappoint you again.
Hey there, long lost friend,
Do you finally want to see me again, now that I am long, long, gone?
Don’t you dare apologize for all those things that you didn’t do,
’cause every conflict that we had was for me to take the blame, and it’s always been my […]