There are some things about life that I absolutely love.
There’s hope in my heart that things will get better.
But I know that’s just wishful thinking.
I’m ready to leave this place behind and see what’s waiting for us on the other side.
I’ve hurt so many people that were nothing but good to me, I know this will hurt them more but at least It will be the last time.
I’m scared but excited I don’t know if i’m strong enough to go through it all again.
I’ve over dosed and ended up in hospital twice.
Most recent was two days ago.
I’m […]
Rants
Ahhh where to start? How about this: I utterly and comeptely despise myself, no way of sugar coating it. The mistakes, the flaws…….one could go on forever and ever. Every freaken second I even dare look in the mirror, I want to scream till nothings left. This why I don’t even look in the mirror anymore. Haven’t once glanced at it, especially not up close. Too many pimples, too many scars, too many damn things I’ve tried to get rid of for nine years but no matter how much effort, of course I couldn’t, this is me were talking about […]
I’m so done with life honestly. Literally no one likes me anymore. Everyone hates me or uses me. I feel like I’m at rock bottom right now. I just got a job, but that’s only because my mom pushed me. I literally rely on getting drugs or getting intoxicated somehow at least everyday. And I go crazy when I don’t. I’ve now slept with 10 people within a year and my friends are all telling me once I hit 11 I’m a slut and I really feel like it’s true. I’m literally a fuck up. My family doesn’t even like me anymore or give a […]
I have bad anxiety and suffer from depression. I don’t know why God has chosen this life for me. I want out of this life but I know it’ll greatly impact the people around me. I worry mostly about my mom and my siblings because I know they’ll be affected the most. But I’m tired of taking everyone into consideration I’m not happy and I want out! I’m tired of waking up and faking a smile just to make other people think that I’m okay when I’m really suffering inside. Today I was going to drown myself and just as I get ready to step […]
I’m sorry for who I am. I’m sorry that I can’t let anyone close without pushing them away and hurting them, I’m sorry that I can’t make new friends or act like a normal human being for once. I am sorry that this sadness keeps coming back around and hitting me in the face with a baseball bat. I’m sorry that nobody understands or cares too. I’m sorry I’m manipulative.
and finally, I’m sorry that I found this site, for my constant neurosis and self loathing coupled with sadistic, sociopathic-type behavior. What am I supposed to do? You don’t care to understand, […]
I remember my recent birthday, it was horrible. My mom, and my dad kicked me to the dirt and left me to cry my eyes out in my bathroom because I went to a friends house that day (yes I did tell them). My dad smiled to me and said “happy fucking birthday”. How those words hurt me so much. And to this day I still don’t know what I did wrong. So much yelling and arguing, but for what? I don’t even know..
I also remember when I was supposed to go to a amusement park with some of my friends, but I got stressed […]
After stating nearly a month ago that I wanted to participate in this community more, I’ve been silent. Part of it, I’m only slightly ashamed to admit, is damage to my ego: for some odd reason, I thought people would care more. That’s not supposed to an accusation against you, please understand: it’s just me overestimating my value. Overestimating myself has happened more often than I’d like.
Regardless, the majority reason I didn’t follow through on coming around here more is that my mood rebounded. September 2015 has gone really well for me: pretty much everything has broken my way, starting with getting closure on a […]
Rock Bottom. It’s more of a home to me now than ever before. I come and go from this place. I never leave it permanently. I end up messing things up all the time anyhow. I don’t feel anything. I feel sick. I feel like the energy is slowly dying in me. I can’t go to anyone anymore. I annoy them with my constant complaints. They have better things to do. Lately, days seem longer and the sleep seems short. I’ve been here before. I know every pain and feeling that comes with being here again. I can never get used to it. I always […]
I had an affair while I was married, we were married for 16 years and have a daughter together. I was unhappy, lonely and tried to reach out to my husband to get counseling together. He thought it was a waste of money and told me I was a bitchy wife. I met someone while we were married and he made me feel beautiful, loved, important and actually enjoyed having a conversation with me. We started meeting after I would drop my daughter off at school and while my husband was at work. It went on for months and then I started to realize what […]
I’ve been going on and off this site for the past few days wanting to say something, but I just can’t find the way to do it. I’ve been having a lot of problems lately, and it seems I’m falling into depression once again, like if happiness was nothing but a dream, and when you think you’re grasping it, it just gets away from you. The only thing that I’m certain of is that I’m alone yet again, or I’m about to be. Alcohol wasn’t the solution to my problems, and I found out that the harsh way. Apparently I’m replaceable too; I’m noticing I […]
Girls don’t like me I’m average looking maybe better than average to some girls. They don’t like me. Guys don’t want to be friends with me girls don’t want to be friends with me people don’t want to hang out with me because I’m not cool enough for them. That being said I’m a nice guy I give money to people I buy ************’s coffee at Starbucks I give money to hobos I treat people with respect I’m companionate why isn’t that enough?
I really do wish that I’d never been born. It hasn’t been worth it. My life is like a super depressing foreign film that has no happy ending. Everyone I’m related to has a go nowhere life. I don’t know why they bother breeding they just add more pointless miserable people to the world. Genetically inferior stupid people shouldn’t be allowed to breed. I can’t believe anyone ever agreed to breed with my biological father, he’s hideous. I hate resembling him in any way. I hate being half Mexican, the men are always so ugly and short. My white relatives are all white trash. I […]
Why? Why? Why?
this reminds me of a book i read, a website similar to this. im glad i have somewhere to vent. i just wonder why no methods are allowed to be shared, it honestly would’ve been nice. but back to the juicy stuff. i am a transgender boy in iowa. ive attempted suicide once before. parents never took me to therapy or got me on antidepressants. i came out to my parents via an email from my school. fun. they said they support me, but have not used proper pronouns, name, or discussed me being on testosterone. (i dont even know if i spelled that right.) […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Im a sophomore in college. Please excuse the lack of correct punctuation and grammar because I really dont care.
First my parents are having problems. My dad was an alcoholic when i was younger now he quit drinking but is verbally abusive to my mother which may cause them to divorce.
Its hard to focus in classes because im depressed so my grades are reflecting this.
I had a friend that dumped me over me finally putting boundaries down so she couldnt use me anymore, this same girl sees the same therapist i see. She dumped me as a friend when i wouldn’t upgrade her computer to windows […]
I’ve been feeling worse and worse. Today in class I didn’t make the effort to open my notebook and take notes. I blankly stared at the slideshows and pretended to be engaging in class.
I tried to start on the three essays that are due tomorrow for my Communications class but greatly failed as I spent time watching videos on YouTube trying to keep myself alive. I lied to my mom about my second class of the day and told her that once again my teacher cancelled class so I could just go to my psych appointment and then we could go home.
I should probably try […]
I hate when people make fun of me for liking a specific thing. Those people don’t understand that, that band was the only thing there for me when I felt terrible about myself. Constantly people laugh and make jokes about it and I always think to myself “well they helped me from doing bad things to myself.” You should never make fun of something that someone else likes, because you don’t know what it means to them. That thing could be the most important thing in the world to them, and just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean that it is crazy.
Its my day off. I woke up too early. I cried in bed for probably an hour. No shame in lying about that. I prayed, and I cried some more. I actually made myself breakfast today. But it happened to be in the after noon when I ate it. So I guess I can consider that brunch. I ate in bed… And have been there all day. It’s the place I feel most comfortable.
I feel very numb today. I feel as if I have given up the hope I was holding onto so dearly. Why? I don’t know. Nothing has changed. I tried to cheer […]
Psych class was pretty amazing. Learned that I’ve been having panic attacks and that it’s a thing that’s gonna keep appearing so I’m definitely going to talk to my psychologist about it and see what he has to say about that.
It’s very difficult to share something I enjoy with my family, especially with my mom. I try to tell her about how class went and what I learned and keep her informed that more stuff will keep pilling up with my depression … “You can change it, yeah it’s chemical reactions and all but you are able to control your thoughts and everything else that […]