Been suffering from asebergers, PTSD, BPD, severe social anxiety and extreme guilt for ages….. my gulit, combined wiith asebergers just made it so i’m broken socially, which furthers the degree of my BPD and loneliness pretty much by the day. my BPD overlaps with asebergers and i just lose it over little things… and everybody thinks i’m insane. i can’t even go outside and walk around because i’m afraid of what people will think. even my own family thinks i’m crazy!!! my mom has locked me up so many times over the littlest shit… and the funny thing is that pretty much everybody agrees that […]
Category:
Rants
My original intention was to comment on someones post – suicide is not selfish. It is only viewed as selfish by those who are angry because you are nolonger there to be used & abused. That is how it will be for me.
In 1 week I will be homeless. I really feel like I should give up right now. Everything has fallen apart, but replacements are falling into place. My ‘best friend’ whom I live with has replaced me with one of her friends & her 2 little kids. I have lost my sister to the clutches of my mother, so I am no longer […]
Lets play a game. I am going to comment my difficulty setting and I want you to tell me yours then think of two things that could make it worse.
Right. So it is 2:38 in the morning, and I couldn’t sleep. I’m up now, and made the mistake of thinking of old loves and old lives, otherwise known as old scars. Voila, here I am. Might as well tell my story. For the sake of being more direct (and not writing a 47 page essay) I will skip over less important times. If I crack too many inane jokes, it is not because I find it funny, but rather because jokes are easier for me to deal with than the feelings.
I was diagnosed at 11 with depression. Given anti-depression meds at 11. 11 years […]
I am done. Tired. I’ve tried DBT. I’ve tried & i’m tired. I love Scott!! I can’t tell him that though. I dream about him & wish he was in my life, other than being my therapist who I can’t & cannot appease. So, I’ve decided that death will finally take me, as I’ve always felt it would. You see, I have no friends. I can’t & don’t keep them. This world sucks!!! All you see is hate & killing. People who think they are owed, who don’t shoot for the moon themselves. They just want everything handed to them. So, my Suicide is planned […]
I just looked around a bit more and I’m like “Holy shit, I just saw their suicide notes, I don’t know what to do, what if they go through with their plan? I didn’t speak up, I’m a little piece of shit.” So yeah. o-o I really hope none of you guys go through with your plans of ending life because ya know. *points to new route* There’s a whole new adventure waiting for you in a few years, months or even days.
Lul. I’m such a hypocrite. Telling people to keep holding on when I’m about to just end it all. >.> But hey. You […]
Ahem. *clears throat* Awkward. TnT Fuck. Anxiety. Let’s see. Lost 3 friends to suicide. 1 had recently attempted. Idk. I used to have a whole group of friends. Depression came by for a visit. Boom. Became distant and just closed myself up from everyone. Avoiding people all day at school unless I’m stuck with a partner. Realized no one gives a shit about me disappearing. Yep. *becomes air* Probably going to fail school because I’m skipping classes to avoid having anxiety attacks even though I still have them. Holy horseshit I’m probably sounding like some little shit right now. *face palms* How did I even […]
Everyone hates the attention seekers. The ones who always say things to get others attention and pity. The ones who tell someone every inch of his or her personal, tragical and dramatic life just to get a reaction. Attention seekers disgust everyone. People are sick of them.
One thing I hate most about myself, is that I kind of am an attention seeker. I do things to get others pity without even noticing it. It’s like there’s two sides of me; a side who does everything possible to get attention, pity and all the things I wrote about earlier, and a side, who doesn’t want to […]
I am not literally blind, just a metaphor saying that I do not understand how I can go on anymore.
Ok so my story is kinda simple, yet elaborate at the same time. First things first, my name is James and I am 13. I have red hair so I am always the one who stands out. I am small for my age, get decent grades, am smarter than most children but I don’t do my work(hence the “decent” grades). I am a little overweight, I eat too much sometimes, and cannot lose weight. I do taekwondo, am a 3rd degree black belt, am state champ […]
Cost–benefit analysis (CBA) is a systematic approach to estimating the strengths and weaknesses of alternatives that satisfy transactions, activities or functional requirements for a business. It is a technique that is used to determine options that provide the best approach for the adoption and practice in terms of benefits in labour, time and cost savings etc. The CBA is also defined as a systematic process for calculating and comparing benefits and costs of a project, decision or government policy (hereafter, “project”).
Broadly, CBA has two purposes:
To determine if it is a sound investment/decision (justification/feasibility),
To provide a basis for comparing projects. It involves comparing […]
When you dream of you cutting your arms and their never going to stop bleeding and then you step into that bath filled with cold water wearing that white dress and dreaming that you will never belong in this world but in the end why is there so many people that care? Why is it that people feel the need to be there for you when you know your not worth it? Why is it that you feel like you can never let your self live a bit? Why is it that you want to let someone know your deepest secrets but your scared they […]
Hello my name is Maddie and I’m 13. I bet some of you are probably thinking ” what would a 13 year old know about being depressed ” well i know alot. It started when i was 5. When i was 5 my mom died in a car accident. I don’t really remember her and it sucks :(. When i was 8 my dad put me up for adoption so i would have a better life. Since i was 8 i’ve been getting bullied because i’m either too fat or too ugly or too short. People just have so much fun judging me. So from […]
I couldn’t keep up with a fast-paced job for even a week.
I can’t even find a good job at all.
I can’t make my boyfriend laugh the way I used to. I can’t tell him anything that will give me more than “yeah well” or “baby”. When he says he loves me, the only thing I can think is that he doesn’t really mean it. He doesn’t ask me how my day is or try to talk about things with me anymore. But God knows he has plenty to tell his friends on his computer game.
I came to New York a month and a half ago […]
Everything is normal. Going along as it does. Then I’m reminded all of the sudden. Your not here. You left us. You killed yourself. It comes with no warning. I can never pinpoint what triggers the blunt reminder. But it steals my breath away. Every time. You. Are. Not. Here. Then the anger comes. It rises, bubbling away under the surface till it reaches my hands. Clenching my fingers into fists. Rises further. Gritting my teeth. Fuck you. Your stupid impulsive decision has ruined our lives. I never thought anyone would be able to make me feel such rage, let alone you. You who were […]
I watch you listen to me,
but do you really hear me?
You use that sweet tone of voice, I’m sure that everyone gets,
I want to trust you, but your eyes are full of judgment and pity.
I am seeking help, but I am sure this is going to doom me.
I have nothing to say, I am choking on my tears.
I am so desperately looking for the solution to fix this problem.
I feel so pathetic. My life hasn’t even been that bad. I’ve never been physically abused by anyone. Both my parents are alive, and my family isn’t poor…
So why do I feel so depressed… So empty? I feel so tired, but I’m only 13. Why?
Maybe it’s because I have to put on a mask whenever someone is around, after all it’s been that way since I was 9… I think I’m even starting to trick myself with my own mask.
I feel like an actor in a play I never auditioned for… My script is prewritten and made to deceive, my mask to convince. I can’t […]
So, life has been shit. And apparently, even though I’m working my ass off at my job 5 days a week, short shifts of 6 hours a day, and looking for another job on top of this one, the universe has decided to piss all over me, still.
When will it end?
November 2013: my husband passed away. To this point I was a housewife. Inherited $25,000 of debt.
November-January: Slip $5-6000 more into debt due to final expenses, bills, etc. New debt total: ~$30,000
January 2014: facing homelessness, dad and step mother take me in with multitudes of “conditions”
January-March: Broke beyond belief, being treated like a slave in […]
Mental Health Week ends today in my country. I am very lucky to live in a country that is pretty accepting of mental health issues but even with it’s national recognition on media and such, I can tell you that I still continue to have stigma placed upon me from first hand experience. For instances, I was tricked into disclosing my health issues during a job interview and it was so obvious from what the lady said, wrote and acted after I did disclose my mental health problems that I wasn’t going to get the job. I stupidly tell people that I am feeling suicidal […]
The world we live in are filled up with a bunch of friggen hypocrites. Oh I’m a leech am I for costing taxpayers money because I am having a difficult time holding down a job but at the same time I get put on suicide watch if I say I want to kill myself to save everyone the burden of having me around. Hypocrites!
I don’t like humans. My main goals in life are to never reproduce and die. Euthanasia should be legalised, therefore all of the nice people don’t have to put up with others’ bullshit. Going to war against others and killing them is okay, but suicide is completely disrespectful to humankind. That just makes me want to die more, because I fucking hate humanity. Everyone has about as much meaning as a rock or a ball of crap that a dung beetle rolls up. People believe in God because they can’t handle knowledge. Everyone likes to be stupid. Just look how popular drugs, alcohol, and sex […]