I seriously wonder how I can make it another two and a half months here. Today it feels like a new ulcer ripped open in my stomach. She went to a friend’s wedding (must be nice), leaving me here with the puppy all day, and it’s driving me fucking insane. I can’t color or draw because it keeps jumping on me and would mess it up, can’t read because it keeps whining and being so distracting I can’t focus… so basically any distracting and soothing activities are impossible. Let alone trying to be productive, like starting to go through my stuff to prepare for the move. […]
Category:
Rants
I feel a little better today. Yesterday I did not feel good at all. Yesterday was like a lot of other days that I wait out. A day when I am empty and tired, when I have nothing to look forward to but death.
Imagine, if you will, that you are a woman in her early 50’s. Never married, but with a daughter from one of a few inadequate relationships with men who couldn’t commit, or couldn’t pull their own weight, or were just plain a horror show. That daughter is the one good thing in this woman’s life. The one relationship that is healthy, […]
and it’s hilarious when you think about it. all we do is to impress others. We work hard to gather money, build a decent life, keep our selves educated, sound intelligent and win every god damn conversation or stay in shape, look good, make great art, etc only impress, whether it is the opposite gender, to mate or your boss or co-worker which in the end leads to the same thing. we do that for so long until time takes all away and leaves you alone with your flabby skin and your memories of your struggle. and time does it quick. even if you manage […]
?
Why do we fear death, why do we fear the thing that will come for us all one day? Love and hate are intertwined with death, and when it grips you all emotion is lost as you flow into the interstellar’s of death. Soul and mind are empty and all thoughts are heavy. Death is powerful, wooing you into an insatiable thirst for life; for knowledge.
I wish that it was easier to love and to hate, I wish saying goodbye didn’t always mean forever; especially not in death. To be rid of all woo and worry, to be freed of any trouble; the ultimate […]
An absolute tit of a GOP govenor said that recently, after the oh-so-wonderful United States Congress voted in a “healthcare” bill that essentially guts Medicaid (Medical Assistance).
He’s right. Nobody does. Just poor people. Mentally ill people. Disabled people. All the people who are nobody in American society. Can’t pay for your healthcare? Sorry, you don’t deserve it. Suicidal? Please, off yourself and spare us. We’ll make sure to seem appropriately sad at your funeral. Need that medication to function enough to work and earn that money? Aw, thems the breaks. See previous sentiment about being suicidal.
So you are 100% correct, you GOP stain on humanity, […]
i’m afraid of everything lately
i feel scared all the time
scared of falling apart, of breaking down in front of people that don’t know me like that
but i feel the need to fall apart too,
it drags me down, wears my bones and i get tired, tired, tired
i’m just so exhausted and whenever i say this,
no one seems to understand that i meant being tired of life
of everything.
i am so tired.
i feel so weak too, like i can collapse any given moment
and i feel it all the time
everyone keeps yelling at me
screaming about my grades, about my attitude, about my friends, about my habits
and whenever my lungs […]
I always give too much
To a friend or to a lover and i cant seem to understand why my giving is never equal to what i receive and i have never felt the kind of happiness i see in their eyes on mine when i am being returned the favor
They seem happier than me and believe me that lights me up completely but i dont know if ive ever heard a thank you or a slight gratitude and that saddens me so that my heart fills with ocean waves like being trapped in a bottle longing the shore, can you imagine how painful that […]
sometimes i wish
i stayed inside my mother,
never to come out.
I should go now, quietly
For my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep
Where all my layers can become reeds
All my limbs can become trees
All my children can become me
Oh, what a mess I leave
i can’t think
i can’t fucking get my brains to work like how i want them to work
i can’t think and it’s affecting the rest of my body
i am crumbling, shaking, breaking
my chest hurts because my heart tries its best to keep beating when i don’t want it to
my eyes feel heavy because i deny myself the sleep i really need
i’m tired
my limbs feel weary with every step i take
i try to drag myself towards a future people say i deserve,
but do i need that?
i don’t want a future at all
i just wish to go
and still i keep myself breathing
i keep myself alive and well
what do […]
Seriously, why do I even try?
All she cares about is him. As long as he’s in her life, she doesn’t care about me even though I’ve been here for her this entire time. But, I guess it’s hard to care for something you can’t see..
She’s all I’ve ever known. The love of a mother or a father was always scarce to me, so of course I began to grow closer to her since she basically gave me that feeling I’ve been missing out on. But, I have to face it that I was only her income. Only ever everyone’s income. She doesn’t care and I have […]
To be quite honest I don’t know why I’m so tired. Exam week is over and I should be feeling relieved but I just feel as if I’m drained completely of energy. I can still function properly and all that in public but its getting harder and harder and I don’t know why. There’s this weight just hanging on me and I can’t concentrate on any of my school work at home or school.
My parents and friends haven’t noticed anything different about me so beginning to think that maybe its just all in my head and there’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t feel comfortable […]
Can anyone tell me what a soul mate really is? I’ve been praying for signs that could point out if he’s the one that God had sent. But I can’t figure out if those signs were God’s. I’m an overthinker. So…there might be some kind of coincidences…my imagination or some sort of other factor that mixed along with the signs. How would I know if he’s the one?
My life is such that the only thing I look forward to is sleep. In my dreams I am free of everything including gravity. Sweet dreams where I am hero. I awake sometimes in tears because of the simple fact that I woke up. I long for an eternal sleep. Hero forever
So, yeah, today’s my high school prom and shit, and I didn’t go. I thought it probably was the best decision I could’ve made since nobody really cares if I’m there or not. However I’m being slowly taken by a feeling of regret, which is ironic since not going was my decision and mine alone. My parents don’t even know there is a prom right now. I don’t even know anymore.
In junior high school my parents forced me into going to the prom. I absolutely hated it, and decided I wouldn’t go to another party like that. And now that I’m rotting at home I’m […]
My suicide note. I’m still working on it. I’m still waiting for help even though I know I’m only fake hoping. I don’t have a purpose anymore. Living is a torture every single day. I set myself a date. I planned everything. I’m pretty hopeless.
Anyways. Here you go, enjoy? I don’t know. Do whatever you want to do with this:
Hey. It’s me. I’m that shitty girl who killed herself because she’s a weak-ass depressed kid who’s only great at complaining and seeking for attention. You probably heard about me now, you’re probably gossiping about it. Anyways, I’m writing this letter because soon enough I’ll be […]
It was depression that killed the remaining happiness I had left, but it was the same thing that keeps me going. Most of the time? I just want to die, to disappear until there are no ashes, no trace of my existence would be left. To be just nothing, as I am now. But the nothingness wouldn’t be overwhelming. As if I never existed. I always think that life was just a joke that I had to deal with. It’s like a prank I need to face everyday. The more I encounter it, the more it makes me sick. Then later on I wouldn’t notice […]
Lately I have been getting worse and the suicidal thoughts have been coming back into my head. I write poems when I feel depressed, so I just wanted to share this one, I wrote a couple nights ago.
The pain it stays
Sometimes for days and days
I feel death is looming
Feeling like I can’t do this anymore
Maybe it’s time for me to exit through the door
I am broken
I am broke
All they will ever say
“She couldn’t handle it”
Maybe its time
Time to say goodbye
Fall into the darkness
Say goodbye
Sorry mum
Sorry I was so weak
You deserved better
The family deserved better
I thought I deserved better
Turns out I didn’t deserve anything
Been suffering from chest pains since this morning. I’ve said nothing to no one about it. Maybe there is a God and it’ll be a heart attack. Let’s keep our fingers crossed. Wish me luck guys.
I was a bit sceptical about this site at first. Then I read every post and thought to myself that I’m not alone. I was desperate to fix everything. I was hurt to see others hurt. I tried my best to help them and in the mean time I struggle with own troubles. I HATE to say this…but I HATE that particular person. And I HATE myself for hating her. I hate that I have to admit that I’m weak….I’m insecure. I hate everything. I live for years coping with anxiety and depression.
I met with several counsellors in my life. Now I’m 20 years old […]
I’ve been suicidal for a good few months. There’s no actual cause of my depression but circumstances make it 10x worse obviously. And it started back up after I quit my job, and then everything went down hill but what made it worse it seems is when I heard about a boy I had met briefly shot himself. When I heard about him shooting himself, i became obsessed with the idea of shooting myself, and ever since then, it would pop up from time to time but recently has gotten worse.
I don’t have a gun nor am I going to get one. I’ve been […]