I know that isn’t really a word. My daughter struggles with depression, scratching (not really deep cuts) and suicidal thoughts. I do, too. I have told her that before that I know where she is coming from. I even told her that I had thoughts of wanting to die. In typical 13 year old fashion, she must have never really heard me. We don’t like her psychiatrist, so yesterday I told her that I was going to start therapy and seeing a psychiatrist again because my thoughts of wanting to die were increasing. She started crying and was depressed the whole day stating she never […]
I hurt myself again today.
Just to make sure I’m still alive. Another scar on my arm, another broken frame.
The blood falls onto the sheets, the crippling fear at my gates.
Another failure in the books. No one hears my screams, my happiness is a lie.
But that’s the price of making others happy.
And the only pain in death is felt by those who are left behind.
Our empty world is cruel, hurtful and unforgiving. It will break you.
I still remember your beautiful face. Those fleeting moments we shared.
I can only hope you’re still with me, holding me close while I cry myself to sleep.
I don’t blame you. Your […]
I have been told by many “you’re not alone, things will get better” and I’m not saying this isn’t true, but can someone tell me the steps they have taken to feel better? Because I’m oblivious to what I should be doing. I’m taking my meds, going to talk therapy, I’ve talked to whoever will listen, I’ve tried just thinking positive, but negativity is all that runs through my veins. I don’t mean that in the sense that I hate everything and everyone. I say it in the sense that I cannot see any good in myself or my life. I’ve always been like this. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m going try and fight this one more time – this time I’m not holding back and I will give it my all.
The thought of suicide is still appealing to me, of course it would be after years of a sickening pain that has now left me wondering who I am as a person and how my miserable soul could possibly fit into this world.
But after my last failed attempt I realised that I would not go out without a fight. This life has kicked me down and kept me in the dumps for as long as I can […]
I cry every time I listen to this.
I made a promise to myself (for my family and friends) a long time ago that I wouldn’t kill myself unless I have tried everything I know of to make myself better. I’m surrounded by too many wonderful people that I know would be devastated if I committed suicide. (I know, poor me. I can’t help that the only thing fucked about my life is my own head.)
About 7 weeks ago I had decided to go through with it. I went to grab my car keys and Ayahausca jumped into my head. Fuck! Stupid promise. A few weeks before that my old boss told me […]
What’s keeping you alive to this day? What’re you living for and how did things get better for you?
Are you glad to be alive today?
Also, under what circumstances pushed you into the attempt?
It was around 7 years ago I tried to end it all, I was a single mum and couldn’t cope anymore. I was lucky as my parents would have my daughter over night once every two weeks so I could go out. I loved to go out and drink and drink until I felt numb, I abused myself and my body I let men use me for sex. One night though I’d just had enough I couldn’t do it anymore I couldn’t live with myself for what I was doing i was drinking everyday I never ate I smoked weed aswell. People started judging me […]
Things lately have been pretty hard for me, going to my mom’s house and therefore leaving my dad’s house. My parentes breakup was something that really has affected me, before that I can’t remember a single thing in my life that isn’t perfect. I know my memory may be deceiving me but if it’s how you remember it, being real or not, for you it really happened. Memories can be so deceiving, but I know a perfect life or time doesn’t exist, life isn’t something this easy but I guess if it was there would be no fun in it, right?
Well, my father has depression […]
Hello to whoever is reading this,
Two years ago I posted a suicide note on this website with the sincere belief that I would be dead within a week of posting it. But, I guess things don’t always go as planned. The day I planned on doing it, I realized that I couldn’t do it. Whether it was me being too weak, too scared or just too depressed to even follow through with my last plan, I just didn’t end up dead.
I don’t know what stopped me, but I am thankful for it. 2 years later, my life has turned around.
Now don’t get me wrong, I […]
The moment you put a gun to your head and debate if your life is worth living through all the hard times is when you’ve hit the bottom. I’m sitting alone because no one can do anything to help me anymore. I can’t help myself anymore. I’ve tried for better days but it seems that my days keep getting worste. I’m tired, my body is tired of taking the pain that the world is throwing at me. You think divide is selfish? What is selfish is the people in this world pushing people to the point of sucked. I’m not going to discuss problems on […]
For the past four years I’ve struggled with PTSD, Anxiety & Depression, but the thing is I think I had anxiety and depression before I even figured out I had it…5 years ago I was 15,lost and confused.. To start off my first year of highschool was a fail and I pretty much quit the first week, I went to one class everyday for a week because all of it was over too whelming for me and I didn’t understand why I figured you know it’s highschool it’s probably over whelming for everyone, but I knew it was different for me when I started thinking […]
Hey everyone! I’m still in a barely good shape and still crying for things that shouldn’t even make you feel sad but I decided that I’ll go back writing. Well, it will probably be a run on whether I get crushed by the felling of panic or success to finish this first though.
But I decided that since I only have this I should at last risk it. As long as I can continue I’ll go back to my old routine of being crushed and get up again and again. I might be here a little less but I’ll probably come back time to time! I’m […]
I’m sorry I’m about to be all wordy, jumbled, and redundant and you probably don’t care about my life story, but I need an outlet.
I grew up with an ideal life. Friends–two best friends who all did everything together. Family–mom, dad, brother, sister. We always did all the family-esque things together.
We must have looked great from the outside.
Soooo this is my first post thingy so no hate unless its at least funny and please comment your own thoughts.
I wanna start out by saying how weird life is and how unbelievably random it could be, but also how planed it ends up being. Like if I make a good choice to hang out with my first friend which goes into a bad decision of doing drugs, which leads to a path with fake friends. Then of course ended up here at block one with no friends just to start all over.
But I cant help to say that I kinda liked that part of my […]
Hi, I’m a visual novelist… well that what I was aiming to be.
People often tell you: ”With time you will get better.”
Well, I wonder and anyway… I don’t have the luxury to take my time. But before I tell you about my current situation let me give you a slice of my past.
At the age of 15 I moved away from my country and started to travel with my parents in a country where I couldn’t reach my friends.
Internet you say? Well there were 8 to 9hours of time difference between them and me and I didn’t have a computer so I could only go […]
Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, […]
I painted this picture one day when existentialism was strong on my mind. I hadn’t painted it because I was feeling suicidal. I hadn’t painted it because I wanted some attention from my parents. I hadn’t painted it just because it looked cool. I painted it because it spoke to me. I hear a lot of negative opinions from all of my family about suicide. They say those people are cowards. They say those people don’t know how good life is. They say those people are selfish. They say those people are mental. Well I say different. I say suicide is damn ugly and suicide […]
So, this is very different than any other of my posts,
but I have been experiencing some “feelings” and I cannot find a name to these symptoms.
I feel like I can communicate with an outer me, such as if I had a twin, it’s very strange, it started with mirrors, and now I feel like I am not alone, although I am sitting in my room alone, such as another person is her. (Another version of myself.)
I have experienced this before, but only when I have been exhausted, and/or when I go from being surrounded by people for a long/short period of time, […]