So, I found out that one of my friends that I had made a gift bag for didn’t like me, so I decided to mark out her name and put Trevor’s. Well, I didn’t get to give it to him. I went to get my trumpet, and he was in there with two of his friends, Jack and Jacob. They were pointing at my friends, calling them names. I said “If anybody points at me, it ain’t gonna be pretty!’ And of course, all three of them pointed at me. Trevor was closest to me, so I stepped up to him (OH MY GOD HE […]
Stories of Hope
I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I had a dream about Trevor. It was wonderful. It seemed real. I could smell his cologne, hear his voice. Anyway, it was beautiful. I’m leaving my trumpet in the band room again so I can see him again. Maybe I can eventually get his number… 😀 God, I hope so. I used to be too scared to talk to him, but not anymore. I love talking to him. He’s awesome. Seriously. Anyways, I just hope that I can at least become good friends with him. That would be great. Then maybe I can start to build […]
Hi guys!
So I’m sure a lot of you on here probably won’t read this (or even bother to) but that’s okay because I just want to share my story with everyone, and hopefully save a few lives 🙂
Growing up, I’ve always had a good life, or at least that’s what I believed. I’ve never had to worry about money or my health, although I am overweight, I don’t feel it’s life threatening or something to be extremely concerned with. Of course when middle school started, everything changed.
Middle school was a rough time for everyone. We’re all at the phase where we’re trying to fit in […]
Ok everyone so I know this is really random and I understand this is a site that people try and come together, help eachother, and just to share their stories. I am just looking for answers and I do not even know who will all get to see this or if it will be published… I was wondering if anyone was talking to a guy about would have been 19 around march-june months 2012 possibly before I am not too sure.. he was my brother and he took his life in June. Like I said I know there are like TONS of people but he […]
This empty love is us alone.
I just can’t hold my feelings, I can not tell you that i don’t love you if you’re not here.
I can’t just pretend that it’s okay, I can’t force myself to feel something I just pretend.
I never wanted you to go away. I really wish you could stay.
I still love you, and you don’t care.
I still don’t get that you didn’t mean it.
I still don’t want to accept that I was dreaming.
I don’t want to realise that all was just a lie.
Look at my body.
Look at my scars.
You see them?
Do you think there are too many?
Well, I can tell you,
it’s about less than 1% of the scars that are inside.
You don’t believe?
Ofcourse not, because you won’t.
You won’t believe that I have a terrible life.
But look at my body.
Look at my scars.
You see them?
Do you think there are too many?
Well, I can tell you,
they are uncountable.
Try to count them.
You can’t?
Ofcourse not,
because there are too many of them.
How much you ask?
I don’t know, maybe 300,
maybe 400, 500, 600 or […]
I was never a religious person nor am I now but I often think that I am stuck in hell. “Hell on earth” , hell of depression , loss , memories , feeling like I am speaking in a foreign language because people may hear me but they DON’T understand me so I resort to silence then there is the heartbreak , the feeling like your heart is literally being broken into two and the thoughts come and they are anything but organised.. I am left angry and exhausted. I think , this is what he must of felt like and I had no idea. […]
I wonder if the Wellbutrin has finally started to work…
I was fake-happy this morning, and I didn’t think (seriously) about killing myself even once, all day. Â And tonight I was sad but not suicidal-sad. Â Now I’m…okay.
Yet nothing has changed, so. Â Hmm.
Part of me doesn’t want to get better if it means I can’t kill myself. Â That’s kinda fucked up.
EMDR. It’s pretty intriguing and seems to hold a lot of promise. I’ve completed two sessions and while I am still pretty despondent… I feel lighter. I think I released some trauma from my childhood…I’m not sure but it feels that way. There might be hope to be “normal” unhappy instead of the constant suicidal ideations and “what-if” scenarios that play in my head on loop ad infinitum.
Am a 23yr old female from zambia am looking for a friend that I can talk to. I’ve being depressed my whole life. Am forever thinking of killing myself, but am too much of a coward to do it. I have therefore decided to pretend that am fine, put on a smile and live out my miserable life. After some time, I guess people start getting irritated with the whole suicide and depressed talk. And I would rather pretend am happy than have people forever trying to fix me. If anyone has decided to live the depression, email me at obfuscate89@gmail.com
I’ve never been able to see the light at the end of a dark tunnel. I’ve never been able to smile through a sunny day. Why? Well, let me explain this horror story known as my life.
It all started when I was fourteen months old. I was crying one night and my mom’s boyfriend shook me until I stopped crying. So now, I have “Shaken Baby Syndrome.” When I turned three, my stepfather began to touch me. He molested me three times before he left my mom and my sister and I. Then I was four, my mother began to abuse me. She would burn […]
Isn’t it amazing how one person can make your day so much better? Owen did that for me. I think I’ve mentioned him before. Well, he was recently diagnosed with leukemia, which killed me. I realized that I really do like him. And I asked him out. And he said yes. So now I have a boyfriend that I would almost say that I love him already, because we’ve been friends for a while, and we know each other really well. Of course, I still like Trevor, but we both are in a relationship now, so… Yeah. He’s too late. Lol. 😀
I look at my hips, arm and belly. Seeing those red, fresh cuts is such a relief. The lovely pain, that beautiful bright red, those little blood drops, your sharp knife. That good feeling that isn’t possible to express in words. Just that feeling that isn’t repositionable…
Call me obsessed. Call me a whore, a slut. But whatever. You don’t know how I feel. I was called so many names when everyone knew that I liked Trevor. And then they got all mad when I started liking other people. Some people actually said “God, you like everyone in band, don’t you?”. I hated it. That’s part of why I put walls up. I was sick of other people trying to lord over my relationships. It’s none of their business, anyway! And everybody got all mad at All-Region tryouts because I was talking to him. And laughing. And, uhm, he held my hand. (Actually, […]
be straight up I suppose…. My names Serena , I’m in 7th grade at Bemidji Middle School , I have a smile on my face most of the time(= , but everybody knows im ‘depressed’ , because …. I cut myself , a lot… my legs , my arms , my wrists , my stomach…. It make’s me feel better. I don’t know what else to do! , I ALWAYS get called a ; HOE , WHORE , **** , ***** , FAT , UGLY , WORTHLESS , ATTENTION WHORE , DUMB , BOYFRIEND STEALER , etc.. It sucks , a lot , I don’t […]
So, Emily isn’t my friend anymore. I just ignored her all day, wouldn’t talk to her at all, and in 4th period, she gave me a note saying that she wouldn’t bother me anymore. As happy as this makes me, most of my thoughts are drifting toward something. See, I wore some makeup and jewelry and stuff today (I don’t usually do that). The weird thing is that Trevor stared at me every time I saw him. The reason that it makes me think is because he used to do that all the time. Everyday. It was so wonderful. Regardless of what I was wearing. […]
Well, I was wondering who of you guys is ever been bullied. So if you please would answer the following questions, thank you.
The questions:
1). Have you ever been bullied or been a bully, or both?
2). For how long have you been bullied?
3). What kind of bullying was it? (think about physical, emotional, abusing you or calling you names, follow you, ignore you, and so on)
4). What was the worst thing that ever happened when you were bullied?
Feel free to say anything else you want or to answer not all the questions.
My answers to the questions:
1). I’ve been bullied, […]
So, I’ve been happy. But things still don’t go how I need them to. Â Trevor will talk to me, of course. He even jokes with me and stuff. But he also still goes out with Kendall. But still. I wish it was me in her place. Gosh. The sad thing is that he doesn’t have a “type”. I can’t figure out what it is that he likes in a girl! He has dated girls that are nothing alike! None of them have anything in common. Anyway, it’s not like it would matter anyway. If he doesn’t like me, good for him. I’m not going to […]
I found the light, but I don’t have a fucking clue what to do with it. XD I really don’t. I’m not joking. I’m happy, but I feel like there’s got to be something more to it than this. My head is spinning from all the ideas of where  to go with my life now that I’ve cleared the road.  I just don’t know. I feel deep in my heart, somehow, I feel like I need, yes, I said need to tell Trevor what I feel about him. Strange, I know, but since I gave my life to God, I get these feelings sometimes, and when I […]
I don’t know what to say. Damn, I woke up and I felt like this automatically. I don’t love myself. I hate myself. I’ve fucked everything up somehow. I can’t do anything right, I’m ugly, and I”m fat. I always thought that guys would like me more because I am the way I am. I play video games all the time. I’m not girly. I like the color pink, and I like makeup, etc., but I love hunting, and I want to be a vet when I’m older. I’m pretty smart, I guess. I take Pre-AP classes, and I’ve kept all A’s all year, every […]