I try to get over my depression and I feel better for some days but I go all over again from the beginning . I’m tired of life and I decided to suicide . I know this will be hard for my family and I will miss my sister so much because she is life for me and mom was always a perfect mother for us and my dad and my brother are my love . but sometimes we need to take hard decisions because I can’t stay in this depression

I’m a 21 year old guy from The Netherlands.
Im just comming here as a last resort, i just dont know where else to go..
Anyway here is my story:
Im depressed since my puberty started when i was like 12 or something and i been unhappy ever since.
I tryed to commit suicide 2 both time using different kind of drugs mostly benzos and alcohol (im not advocating this methode!)  both times i woke up the next day in a wet bed, just because i was so out i just peed myself :\
I been in a mental hospital twice now one time it […]

The current situation is a sick love story. The girl who I think is the one, thinks the same of me… Yet; she cheats on me and gives as reason that she is insecure due to that I got a message on my phone in the early stage of our relationship. She is also jealous the moment someone looks at me in a club; me noticing that someone is looking at me is enough to shatter her self-esteem.

Then after several months of dating she tells me she need to meet her ex to be sure of her feelings and that this relationship is truly the […]

I would never kill myself with someone else’s gun.

Or the gun my brother bought me.

i haven’t posted in a while, I still feel like crap

I really wish I was dead, I feel so stupid writing this. Who even cares about a piece of trash like me anyway. I should just die. Kill myself and get this shit over with

My furture looks horrible. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. My grades are awful.

“But family will always be there”

No

No they won’t

I feel so fucking alone and i really wish I had at least one friend.

But who wants to deal with my shit and me being all depressed for no good reason

Ugh

I wish I was dead. Sorry for being a […]

Hi I’m a little afraid to do this but here it goes.

My name is destine. Lately I’ve been depressed. I think it’s just everything . that’s been going on. I don’t live with my mom and dad. My mom passed a way tho. I lost contact with most of my friends and my family. Because my aunt and uncle. They adopted us. They would be really mean. Put me and down. And a lot of other things to me and my little brother. I’ve missed my old life with my mom still alive and everything.

ive been lost not knowing what to do. I’ve cut before […]

This is the real reason I know I have changed, I am in an extremely messed up situation and I’m not beating myself up over it. It’s shocking to me because I feel like I should, I feel like I should want to be dead right now, as if I should hate myself. I have made so many careless mistakes and now I am dealing with the consequences. I never slept around I had only been with 2 people my entire life. My ex and a new person that I had known for a few months before deciding to do that. Well some how I […]

I’ve had a pretty rough life. From the time I was born I could tell I was unwanted. My mom and dad went to work and left me with the baby sitter day after day. They’d just come home, not even glance at me, and go to sleep. I didn’t mind that though. As long as my parents were asleep they weren’t fighting. Their fights were bad. They would yell, scream, kick, and fight. It was awful. I can remember countless nights where I would hide under my bed behind my box of hotwheels praying to whatever god existed that they would just stop fighting. […]

Just kidding. I have a method, although alone, I loved you.

I really, really wish this would end. I am pretty tired. You, know. That’s a good way to describe it. I am tired.

Holding on, is hard. I just can’t end up failing again. Hearing my mom scream, and cry. That and the hallucinations I experience were basically hell to me.

My mom is a strong woman, she’s been through her fair share as we all have. She doesn’t cry . Seeing her finally cry for the first time in years, because of me, because of my lifeless body .

I can’t experience that again, and , even if […]

I truly do not understand the point of my life.. for a long time now I haven’t been able to picture a future. Like I don’t have one, like I’m meant to die young. But I just recently found out that that is actually a symptom of my ptsd. Which was kind of disappointing because it doesn’t change the fact that I still don’t see my living past a few years and honestly I’d rather not. I don’t want to live anymore. I’ve been feeling like that for years and the more time goes on the more intense it feels. I do not see a […]

I hate myself i’m so goddamn selfish why cant I be fucking normal and be able to socialize with ease like I used to? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why the fuck am I so goddamn lonely? Why the bloody hell do I isolate myself? I try so damn hard to radiate fucking positivity but I end up sadder than ever. I was so happy just a week ago. Now I’m sad. Again. I cant seem to get out of it this time. Again. I have no one. I am no one. I want to die. Why cant I just die? I wake […]

Today is my 19th birthday… life isn’t appealing.  I started feeling depressed after I moved when I was 10. Now, almost a decade later it hasn’t vanished.  I’ve tried solving my problem but I can’t seem to discover the cure for lack of motivation.  Everywhere I search the answer is to apply myself to a goal, pursue my dreams.  How can I do that if I have no such things… What is worst is that everyone has the highest expectations for me.  I’ve been branded genius by psychologists and could’ve pursued any career I wanted.  This year I entered my country’s most prestigious engineering school, […]

My life has truly been a rollercoster these past few months. Ups and downs left and right ….. I wish I could see where my future would take me to see if its even worth all of this constant heartache. Every time i take one step forward I feel like I take 5 steps back…. I had a child with who I thought was the love of my life, he was cheated and lied to the most with in the first 3 months of being pregnant …. I decided to take a chance and leave him to look for a happier life…. That has lead […]

Thanks for your comments; as usual I decided to postpone my decision for a night. But I know it can not work. I am 23 but I really I feel that the future does not need me and I don’t need it. The worst thing is I lost all my believes even in God. I am in middle of nowhere. I am studying in a foreign country, even I cannot see my close friends and family. Nothing good is not happening around me. I think the time is coming but not to heal my wound but to create a worsen one……………………………………………………………………

Thanks for your reading.. I […]

So I’ve been fighting through terrible depression for a lot of years. I was in an abusive relationship for over a decade where my insecurities anxieties and depression were used to keep me blind and dumb. All my friends have moved or disappeared. I was not raised to communicate or express myself properly.
All of this has lead to me just spending my days wishing I could die. Apparently this would upset too many people.
My question is why can’t I? Why can’t I have what I want? I just want peace. I don’t feel like a real person anymore and I just want to […]

I cannot take it anymore .Whenever i close my eyes, at any time of day/night ,i see all these horrifying pictures of blood and violence on myself.Im haunted by  monstrous bloody images of flesh and death.It lasts for approximately  week or two, non-stop ,i hardly sleep more than 4 hours a night then.When it passes ,i always get painfully numb.It goes round and round. I cannot do this anymore,i need to cut,i need to die,i don’t deserve to be here i shouldn’t be here.Sorry im so weak i need to write it here instead of just finishing with that agony.I can’t kill myself because it […]

Well I’ve lasted the night out, and half of the day so far. Except I can’t help but realize what a danger I am to myself. When I get suicidal, I become irrational, and as soon as a little bit of rationality gets into my brain, even if I am still suicidal, I become afraid of myself. I become afraid of what I can and will do to myself. Others don’t scare me, I don’t have monsters in my closet, because I am that very monster that haunts myself. Even today I’ve tried to jump off stairs countless times already hoping I would hurt myself. […]

I never thought I would be posting here but I finally am no longer able to handle everything that is going on in my life.  I have just turned 22 and can no longer take the abuse from my father. Every day I am screamed at and it seems that like clock work every 5-6 months he beats me. I just cant take it anymore.  I have been through many jobs and cant make enough to move out.  Today he humiliated me and screamed at me in front of all the neighbors.  Embarrassing.  He leaves me feeling like there’s no longer a point in living. […]

Sorry I know it’s bad but people asked me to post it so….

I have other poems too if you want to hear them. Thanks for helping me so far.

I’m down under ground

nobody can see

they don’t notice

my true identity

I’ve been buried alive

can’t come up from under

I’m seen as lightning

but really I’m thunder

My rage is trapped

down under with me

and under ground

is where it should be

If I come up

I’ll never be the same

when I’m looked at

you’ll only see pain

I like it down here

it’s calm and quiet

above it’s loud

and a disturbing riot

If I let go

and never come back

maybe I’ll find the identity

I still sadly lack

It would put a stop

to […]

I am so alone. I can’t tolerate it anymore. There is no one that I can talk to that can understand how sad I am let alone provide any advice to assuage that sadness. I don’t know what the point is in existing anymore. My life is a spectrum of torture.

I am handicapped, suffocated by mental illness.