not in the form i thought it would. i got the A in math, I got all As. but yesterday i fainted after taking a shower, it was the wildest thing in the world, it’s never happened before. and that part wasn’t that bad. it was after going to the hospital (everyone told me that i should go, i didn’t want to be that person who says no when everyone else is saying yes) that i realized how terrible it was. i had no one to come and pick me up. i have no friends, and the people that i know with cars…well, i assumed […]
I got in trouble at school because i thought someone was my friend but they turned there back on me and said i did things that i never meant to do i can’t ever seem to get anything right like i look around and everyone seems to be doing good and i’m hoping and wishing that i could have their secret, that one day i could be happy with who i am,and what i am i wish i could be happy with myself
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I’ve lied and hurt her before, she’s lied and cheated before. We’ve separated for extended periods with no communication but always ended up together again. More than once, we’ve promised each other that we’d never leave, promised we’d always fight to stay together, promised we’d always be together. We have an 18 month old daughter together. Things have been rocky the past year because I’ve struggled with employment. Actually, the entire relationship, I’ve struggled with employment. I am a felon, so that complicates things for me but it’s not a violent or drug related offense. I’ve been […]
So, I’m a full-time nanny. That means that I live with a family and take care of their child. I get paid $20 a week. I don’t get breaks and I’m expected to clean as well. Not so bad when you have no bills to pay. Or at least you would think. I took this job because I know the mother in high school and she helped me out with my prom fare and when my sister’s dog got hit by a car, she gave us a ride to the vet. So the first few months I was here, I decided to work for free […]
This is a link to an episode of The Fifth Estate documenting the story of Nadia Kajouji, who was encouraged to commit suicide by a man posing as a female nurse online in 2008. This was quite a landmark legal case, as it brought to light the culpability of those who attempt to persuade others to take their lives over the Internet. As a true crime enthusiast and (obviously) someone who considers suicide and depression to be a major part of their life, I have found this to be one of the most fascinating cases I’ve seen in some time.
If you aren’t into true crime documentaries, this may not […]
Please, pardon my language if it’s too much for you.
People see babies, and they often think. “awe, it’s adorable” (Or something of the sort.)
I see a baby, I think. “Wow, some guy put his penis, where pee comes out of, into a girls vagina, where pee comes out of, during sex, and he ejaculated inside of her, and a baby began forming, then after months of growing into a living being that baby then stretched open that females vagina 20 times bigger than it should ever be and came out covered in blood and amniotic fluids. That’s fucking disgusting.”
Loneliness is a disease, you see, i have a son, I’m divorced but i see him every week, my parents are dead but I have 3 brothers, they love me and care for me, and I love them, and I love my son, and I’m happy when we are together, but I feel so desperately alone, all the time I don’t think I can relate to anyone anymore, I left my ex-wife because I felt alone and sad with her, but I still feel alone without her, when I’m not working and alone in my house, I do nothing, I watch movies, I eat, but […]
It seems tht everything is turning black to me, I feel that i’m getting into a darkness that I can handle it… I feel broken, the this that were precious to me, they’re all gone, I’ve realized that I hate myself, I can’t do anything well, my mom tells me all the time that I’m useless and I know that it’s true… Honestly I write all the time but I can say everything that is in my head. Lately I’ve felt so angry and I can’t get out all that anger from my body, I don’t know what to do, […]
I don’t know if this will work, i just know that i’m done with everything, I feel so tired and anger, I know it’s my fault, I just don’t know how to start feeling good again… I’m sick of myself… This is new, share something that is to hard to say, I don’t know if I can keep doing this anymore.
I had a night of wild dreams. Sometimes I wish I could just keep sleeping. Today I have some decisions to make and I’m not sure where to go. I feel lonely and confused about what is the best way to go. Do I stay where I am or move closer to family? I am anxious but grateful for all the help today.
It’s a myriad of words stuck in my mind, none of them feeling appropriate for the situation at hand. I’ve memorized them over and over again, like some monologue that I’m trying to get perfect for when you’re in front of me.
Pacing in the pale dawn of the day, I find myself easily sucking down six cigarettes in the span of two hours. In between puffs and sips from a mug of coffee that gets colder, I try to imagine your reaction. Disappointment? Abandonment of one other soul in your life? God knows–you’ve had enough of that.
“. . .I try never to say goodbye, but […]
It’s that time again
It’s night and I cannot rest. There is no such thing as sleep.
And my mind couldn’t be crueler
I see blood on my arms and the vision in my mind calms me
But it takes more courage than I or alcohol has and another night I go unpunished.
The noise in my mind filters all the way through
There is nothing to combat all that anguish.
I fail, as I do time and time again
And you cannot solve what I can’t accomplish.
I can’t establish time and presence in this space
Because everything I feel abandons feeling.
I escape with no entity found
A soul without a means of ending with […]
I had been working at a local restaurant busting tables for the past 2-3 yrs…. Well the other night, one of my managers, we’ll call her Angela, was handing out tips (personal tips– you’ve got personal tips which are yours and then the tips on the table are supposed to be rationed out at the end of the night)… Well right as I got done busting this table, she gives me my personal tip from last week. Being on disability I only work 2 nights a week.
Well right as I got back to the dish pit, I hear someone mentioning that supposedly $20 was missing […]
All I wanted was to be with her. She was the only one that actually cares. She noticed me when no one else would. She hang out with me because nobody else wanted to. I fell in love with her then a week later she acts like I don’t exist and tells me she can’t be with me anymore. I try to be friends with her for the next week but I can’t understand why she would hurt me like that. I needed her more than anything in the world and she hates me for a reason I don’t even know and was never told. […]
I honestly don’t know what I’m doing here. What I’m doing on this site. What I’m doing in this chair. Why I’m anywhere but six feet under. I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t want to be here. Hell, nobody wants me here. I say we cut our loses and toss me over a building.
Of course there’s people that object to this. There always is. They win me over with reason, pull me back over the edge. What they don’t realize is that when they pull me onto the ‘safe’ side, it’s just as deep as the edge of a building. The only difference is it […]
I fucking hate. I’m just a person full of hate and bitterness. I just can’t stand that fact. It feels like I’m the only person who actually sees things for what they are. People around me just don’t get it, everyone is just so generic it feels no one bothers to look all around them. Everyone thinks the same now and no one thinks differently. If your different than people will hate you, if your the same people will adore you. Why should I strive to be like everyone else? I’m different and alone. I have seen the true colors of everyone. People just want […]
A psychologist gave me a booklet for ‘the bereaved’ to inform me on what I would feel in the coming weeks/months/years. Seeing as every time I start to read the shitty booklet I bawl my eyes out, I’ve decided to write about what I am feeling and hope to feel in the coming weeks/months/years. I hope that in writing this, others who may find themselves in a similar disastrous situation can get some sort of comfort in knowing that shit luck affects a lot of people.
First of all, my boyfriend committed suicide. We were at my house arguing, it was an ongoing insecurity fight that […]
The thought of suicide has been on my mind at least weekly if not daily for the last 40 years. considering I was 13 when I had my first lame attempt to end things (I wrapped an extension cord around my neck and yanked. This was at school and all that happened is I passed out) I’ve had a couple other tries since. I guess I was not ready for those times either. In looking back at things I wonder what it is that I really want. It is not attention as I was alone and did not plan to be around or discovered by […]
Capture that. I’m in english class at the back. Everybody is writing exept me. I’m staring at this blank page since 1 hour. I look at it and read the question that the text is supposed to answer: “what is happiness?” Do anyone really know? I mean i don’t know if i’m happy or anything so what is the real meaning of that word that everybody seem to know but me?
The teacher finally says that the class is over but, when i give back my paper, she stands up and says as loud as she can to all the class “look how idiot you have […]
I feel there no purpose to life. I wake up everyday to live n repeat the same things over and over. No matter how hard i try i am a failure in everyone eyes so why should i live? Everyday for past 2 years i think of different way to end my life i never do it but I finally think its time it doesnt seem stupid anymore it seem like the best choice. No one has to deal with me anymore. I dont have to keep fucking up other peoples lifes. I see no future i hate myself everyone hates me. I ask myself […]