At the begining it was only to see if it would hurt as much as i was hurting inside. After, it became like an addiction. It pinched my skin and a soft line of blood ran down my skin. It felt wonderful. I didn’t know what real love is and didn’t have a single friend. So who would care?

It’s been 3 years now that I self harm and struggle with depression. I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times but each time i woke up in a hospital…alive. I thought these pills and alcohol would save me from this fucked up world but it was only […]

I think back to a time of the hopes and dreams I had years ago of who I was going to be and fast forward I feel like I’m nowhere near those dreams. Past betrayals have left me guarded which has left me in a state of not being able to connect to anyone. I internalize everything and in public I laugh and joke as a way to hide and cope. The irony is I work in a profession where I’m surrounded by people everyday and it is my job to help them feel and look better. With each of their smiles I hope that […]

So if you check my posts, you’ll see that a while back, I talked about going on a trip to Europe with a travel partner.

Well that travel partner was a girl I fell madly in love with and someone who promised me that regardless of whatever life threw at us, that we would go to Europe together.

Well that girl cancelled on me.

Well that girl is pretty much going to go live in New York with another guy.

And don’t give me that bullshit about there being a lot of fish in the sea. Because I don’t want to fucking hear it.

Well world. The sixth word has been spoken. […]

I lived alone with my brothers while my parents are living outside of country for 5 years. I miss the total privacy I had before doing all these attemps.. I used to lock my door and no one would even ask me why I did and I really miss that for a reason that partial suspension is my only way out.. could’ve taken all the time I want in my room to do it and get done with it with my room locked but I ruined this chance for myself.. I’ve done other attempts, ***** attempts (with pills) and now that my mom lives with […]

I used to consider myself pretty smart and a good student, but nowhere else have I felt as lazy and stupid as when I’m in class. High school was a breeze cause the stuff was easy and we hardly did anything, but this so called “Higher Education” is such a waste. Many professors don’t teach and expect you to do everything they can do. Nice self-esteem killer. And even if you pass it doesn’t prove you have any practical skills.

So, feel free to share your college horror stories.

I hate who I was and I don’t like who I am. Its hard to move on when your past is always looking at you.  I can forgive myself, but I can’t forget the things I had to go through and had to subject others to go through. I was an ass and I admit it. I’m immature and scared to live my life. I joke when it is unnecessary and hide away from my life.

I say the wrong things a lot and just don’t understand people. I have no friends and am literally in the definition of a loner. I cannot connect with people my […]

Maybe it will help if I type it all out–my anger, fear, rage, emotionally disability, desire to die.  I have been disabled on so many levels, planes, altitudes, planets, and realms of disaster that I can no longer keep up with it all.  Really, I haven’t been “dealing” with any of it for so long, if ever. I just want to type this out and not worry about typos, grammar, spelling–because maybe it really will help me.  My ride on the crazy train has been going on for most of my life. Now that I’m super obese (been this way before), unemployed for almost a […]

2 years ago if you would of asked me  I would of said something similar to that i felt like the happiest and luckiest girl in the world to be his. Now all I just feel is broken, hurt, betrayed and confused.  I feel betrayed by what he said about me behind my back a few weeks ago.

I knew we had issues in our relationship I thoguht we were both strong enough to get through it but I guess I was dead wrong. Instead of confronting me about how you felt  you t alked behind my back about it its bad enough that i found […]

I am writing from a deep dark hole. I do not feel that my life is worth living. I am depressed because I have worked all year, and now that Christmas is here, I have no money to spend on my family for Christmas presents. I spent all of my hard earned money paying bills – medical and dental bills, car repair and insurance.

My employer is a remorseless entity. They work you to death,pay you nothing and treat you like dirt. I have tried but am unable to fins another employer.  I feel so guilty. I have no friends to share my experiences with. My […]

I thought I had brought a blade with me on my trip out of town, but I can’t find it where I thought I put it. I really, really have the urge to self-harm right now, but that blade is my only inconspicuous method…or at least it was supposed to be. In a house with other occupants, I can’t utilize any of my other methods without attracting attention. You might be thinking that it’s better that I don’t self-harm, and I recognize what a bad habit it is…but it helps stop suicidal ideation. It helps me feel a bit better when I’m at my lowest […]

All I’ve been doing, for nearly twenty years, feels like it’s amounting to nothing. I feel like If I were to die tonight, I’d have lived life to the fullest. I’ll be 34 on Yule; I’m still pretty young as considered by some, but it’s like I have nothing else to experience, other than the things I’ve been doing for the past two decades since my emancipation. Does anyone else have this feeling?

My “friends” have been cut from my life because they always believed it was fair that they could get mad at each other, but I couldn’t get mad at either of them without severe punishment. My family is starting to act the same way. My sister will confront me and threaten me if I get mad at my mother or grandmother, and my mother will do the same if I get mad at my sisters. It’s not reciprocated though. If someone gets mad at me, nobody fucking cares. These people who are supposed to love me and care about me don’t listen when I try […]

“Glenfidich, clean.”

“I’m going to have to see an ID.  I mean, anyone who orders a Glenfidich probably has drank a time or two in their life, but you look kind of young.”

I flashed my license, she responded in a quick nod and vanished into some back area out of view.  My vacant stare scanned the activity of the airport terminal.  I had gotten three hours sleep, and in the midst of my loose focus, all of the crowds flowed by in bright blurs.

The cling of the glass behind me signaled the arrival of my best friend.  I smiled at the server, nervously nursing the bitter […]

I think the time to go is getting closer.

I can feel my will to do… anything… slipping out of me, draining away like water.

I used to be energetic but now I’m becoming more and more lethargic.

There just doesn’t seem to be anything worthwhile any more, nothing I can bring myself to do, even people who I would call my friends – It seems as if I can only see them as hollow shells. I don’t think I have any true friends any more.

Very few people can feel the same way I do now, it’s as if I’ve snapped my link with the rest of the […]

I am so lost in this world, I have been alone for a lot of my life, and it has made me shy and quiet when it comes to meeting women. I have dated here and there but things never go well, and yet I hate being alone. I fell in love about a year ago with a woman, I dated a long time ago. We had a strong connection, and have hadd some really nice times together. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and now that things are falling apart between us, I am more depressed than ever. I will […]

I really messed up with the girl I love she will never forgive me for what I did. She was the only reason I kept going in life but not she is gone Im giving in to my pain I need to end it. My story ends here.

Hey guys I had enough bullshit and stuff I don’t need. I have decide my suicide date. It’s on new years. But tbh I’ve been suicidal for as long as I can remember so I don’t need a reason to
Commit suicide, I need a reason not to if anybody cares they’ll try to stop me. If you do care message me on kik. My name is pleasedontgob. We’ll see from here

I need to find an outlet. I’m not sure what, but I need to. Every day I wake up and wonder why my life suddenly feels like a nightmare. After ending an emotionally and physically abusive relationship of four years, I have had my ups and downs. During our relationship, he could make me feel amazing and he could make me feel horrible. He would either tell me I was beautiful, or tell me he wished I was pretty, like the girl in his class, that I had a more toned body, instead of being so skinny, that I had bigger boobs, that my lips […]

One day i just wanna stop being the girl that everyone uses as a bad example like “you can either go with her or Brianna” “Ewww naw man her ugly self “ i just want to be the girl that  a guy at least looks at out of amazement and not disgust.