I’ve simply come to say that I’m exiting next week, I won’t mention by how, and to say thanks to those who responded to the posts I made that didn’t get flagged.
I hope you all find peace one day.
Listening to certain pieces of music instantly triggers anxiety attacks, my mood worsens in just a few minutes and I get those thoughts that I would actually like to avoid. The pieces aren’t special or particularly high quality, it’s rather the fact that I listened to them for a period of time when I felt really bad and thus my brain associates it with these kind of emotions. I can actually trace some songs to the time and reason of feeling bad, which is kind of funny since I was listening to music to make me feel better and now it does the exact opposite. […]
i hate myself so goddamn much and i just want to take all the pills in my fucking cabinet. everybodys going to end up hating me and leaving me like they always do. there’s no point in me even living anymore and no point of me trying so hard not to relapse with the cutting and stuff… it hurts so bad to fell this way and to sit here and cry and hurt while everybody else is so happy. i hate that anybody has to feel the way that i feel but i deserve it…. i need to die…. i want someone to kill me… […]
i’ve always felt abnormal .Now i am 18,and i still do. I think i have bipolar disoder,body dismorfic disorder and depression.thats not a good way to “start” my adult life.even though i am miserable inside,my parents an twin brother dont suspect about it.I’m pretty sure it is beacause i try my best to look normal.well,i am fucking tired to pretend all the time.I am fucked up!I know that i should just tell them what i feel,but i cant do it.So i feel trapted in my onw head.Suffering alone.
I’m gonna try and make/keep a pledge this winter to not feel the cold loneliness of winter and the holidays. Of course I will feel lonely, but I want to try my best not to make excuses to why I’m so lonely, blaming it on the cold and the holidays. I don’t want to be desperate for some one else to be there. I don’t want to provoke sympathy from others by claiming “the winter’s are so lonely, they are the worst”
I want to make a pledge to be strong and endure, unshaken. I won’t let my mind be taken over by the cold […]
This is my first post to this site and I’m a little apprehensive. My soon to be fiancé and I broke up yesterday. I’ve been crying ever since. She and I met online. She was going to be the last person I talked to before I ended my lifei . SHe and her boyfriend had broken up and I wanted to make sure she was okay and make one last person happy before I ended my life. We started dating and I was planning on proposing. It all came to a stop yesterday. I’ve got bad PTSD as I am a volunteer law enforcement officer. […]
So many times I’ve been told “it gets better”. In my case, it eventually will, but it could take 5 years or longer, and I can’t make it for that long. For those 5+ years, I’ll be stuck with my own body making my life hell. I can’t have relationships, I can’t do a lot of the things I want to do, getting dressed or hearing the sound of my own voice will be torture, just like it has been for so many years already.
I already tried to end it before, only a few months ago. I collected painkillers, but I quickly realised that I […]
I’m sure that people have played the game of Life, you know, with the board and the dice and shit. The board with such spaces as “get married,” or “pay day.” They should add a space called “suicide,” and if you land there you should smile and nod and leave gracefully. Sorry, sir. You’ve lost the game. Sorry, I say, try again some other day! Sorry, there is no feasible way out – at least not for awhile. Sorry, you get to sit there and watch the rest of us play. Sorry, you are a loser.
You’ve probably […]
So in my last post, I wrote about Alex… I need to get the Hell over him but… I don’t want to. I imagine us together all the time… It’s driving me insane! I only knew him for six days, and we’ve been out of touch for a month! I miss him, though… It’s my fault we can’t talk… What if he hates me now? What if he forgot about me an met someone else? We met in a hospital, and now he’s gone to a 45 day program… What if the girl he meets actually takes risks for him? I tried to, I really […]
I wish I didn’t feel the physical effects of depression. Lethargy is the worst–you can’t do anything and yet you can’t tell anyone why you can’t do anything. This entire weekend I’ve done nearly nothing, but why should I do anything anyway? All of our existences are inherently meaningless, our lives will end and we will all be Nothing. Truly, nothing in this life actually matters at all. And yet we go about as though we have a purpose (well, most people do anyway, I suppose people like me do not) and believe that life is beautiful and sacred when it isn’t. Life is just […]
That’s gonna be my next tattoo the second I get paid next. “Life goes on”
I want the message to sink in, once and for all. It’s what I need in my life right now.
I strongly feel that this is only something a person has to figure out for themselves. You simply can’t convince some one that their life goes on..you can tell them but will they instantly believe? I don’t think so in many cases.
I wouldn’t ever tell someone life goes on, I can only support them if they feel it’s true or at least if they want to have faith that […]
Welcome to The Game,where where is no quitting, no giving up. Once you start, there’s no turning back.
The number of participants can vary.
In this game, you are required to guess, to predict, the best way to help someone. The thrill lies in trying out different methods, seeing if it can work for that someone or not.
And with it comes frustration and annoyance, because nothing seems to be working and the sense of uselessness comes to you, first creeping up behind your back and then engulfing you.
Must…not…give…up…
Him. He’s been my best friend for 3 years. Honestly I think he’s my soulmate. Like you don’t have to be dating them to think that. Having a close friend (like him) can also make them your soulmate.
I told him about all ways I’ve hurt my self and we’ve been closer ever since. He’s so understanding about it. He didn’t judge me at all. He wants to help me get better.
I know I’ve hurt him though… I mean who wants to hear that their favorite girl is feeling/doing these things..
I’ve never realized how much he cares about me and how important I am […]
Hi there,
I recently got divorced from my wonderful wife, we met wen we were 14 and had been together ever since. Up until 6 months ago when she left me and my life had spiralled out of control.
She left me with over 20k debt which has trashed my credit file and take me 11 years to pay off. She moved in with another man and it broke my heart.
However I couldn’t believe my luck I met a wonderful girl within a few weeks of my divorce but things went from bad to worse, she ended up pregnant and aborted our child without telling me which […]
….oh yeah..
I’m suddenly feeling a manic episode coming on. I’m at a crossroads with this feeling.. I don’t know whether to try and use it to feel better or keep low with the help of my sad music and bad habits. I just don’t want to crash again..it’s getting so old I just want to keep myself down and depressed as long as possible. But time goes by and I get nothing done in my life. I cant eat to the point of self harm. The problem with these manic feelings is that they always drop suddenly without warning, that or I become delusional […]
The depression has completely taken over me now and it’s only day two… I can’t remember how long these episodes take. I tried to eat, chocolate not healthy but something i might enjoy. I just threw it all back up.
I don’t deverse to eat.
Two days without food.
I can’t even make myself get out of bed to get water.
That will be how I die. The one way I have full control over myself. No one can make me eat.
I went to a psychiatric testing place last week, and I’ve got to go back again Monday. I’ve noticed that I express far fewer symptoms of depression than I had years ago. For instance, I don’t actively want to commit suicide, but I still wish to stop existing. I sleep whenever I can, because there is nothing to do at all that means anything. I don’t want a job because there is no point, and I’m currently mentally incapable of having one, as I break down about a couple of weeks in, realising how pointless and worthless I am and that my job suggests the […]
I am slowly coming to honest terms with the fact that, against all of my efforts, there truly is no hope for me. Whatever good things that I either create for myself or just happen upon me are all illusions whose ugly truths get revealed eventually.
I cannot trust my mom or my dad. Or the various mentors in my life.
I cannot trust my sister.
I don’t know if I can trust my brother, although ironically he’s shattered my trust many times in the past.
I cannot trust the only person who has ever really known me and who said the words, “I will always love you.”
I no longer have friends to break my trust.
This February, […]
No idea what to do anymore. I feel so broken and hopeless. Society is doomed. No one is honest. No one is trustworthy. Most people are too drama filled to even be friends with them. I spend my nights looking at others posts on here. Looking at ways to go painlessly. Sitting alone in my room. Whenever I have something I want it gets ripped away. The universe doesn’t want me to be happy. Two years with someone, they cheat. Three years with someone, they cheat. Finally get engaged to someone, they get Prego, found out they cheated and they also lost the baby. I […]
Only one thing. Only one person matters so much to me. Well that’s not entirely true but what if THE most important person you can think of is long gone?