Would anyone notice
Would they even care
If I were to disappear
Would lives be better
Without the complications
Without the worry
Without the troubles I bring
My patience grows thin
Feelings becoming too hard
Just want it to stop
Peace is an illusion
Well, this depression is destroying my life. I can’t be happy anymore. I used to be so funny and loud, but now all that is just a history. I can’t study, eat, or go out. I’m locked in my room 3/4 of a day.
At night I fell asleep 
with tears in my eyes. I can’t control myself anymore. I feel like I’m death, and now I am just breathing..
Isolation can be a dangerouse thing.It can change you.it can warp you.it will mold you into something….not human.I know this because I live it.in all the years that I’ve lived in isolation, I noticed one thing.it takes you down a path….it starts to change you little by little.and everytime you hit a vital point down this dark path…you become that much less of a human.For me at least, I know this much.you start to hate uncontrollably, you turn into something else.Im a perfect example, im not human anymore…I may look,act,and sound like one but the truth is im turning into something of the dark.I love […]
Zopiclone is squirting into my brain. If they find a way to make the taste you find in your mouth at this point less horrible, it would be much appreciated.
My mind is starting to melt like candles, bright glittering, forming pools of liquid, yet a solid.
I was told these can make some people hallucinate if you try to resist the urge to sleep, but it didn’t work for me.
I didn’t mean to make this post so long, but typing the last few paragraphs has been incredibly hard and and glittering sparking birds fly through the sky, they feed off the weak. They […]
For me, the 80’s had a scent. Kinda like the plastic flower section of an old Walmart, the Walmart’s that closed at night time (usually 10pm).
I’ve been watching the television program “The Golden Girls” a lot lately and I swear I can smell that plastic flower smell while I’m watching!!!
…..the yarn at the old Walmart’s had a smell to!!!!
Ohhh And “ALF”, man I loved ALF!!!
It’s a shame television can’t be good again!!!!
Erm, just one more thing. I have yet to figure out how Dark Horse Brewing (The new program on the History Channel that has nothing to do with […]
Thinking to die? Ask me and i will give you a simple solution to die .
Today I have a loss again. Someone who I thought I loved and loved me back. Someone who I sacrificed for once upon a time. Someone who I fought for once upon a time. Someone who once upon a time gave me a reason to hold on. Someone who once made me feel warm. Someone for whose sake I picked up the pieces even though I was broken and left dead once.
But I don’t need anyone who doesn’t appreciate me, right? They don’t deserve me. And I myself don’t deserve to keep struggling stupidly for someone who doesn’t appreciate my efforts.
From now onwards I will […]
I tried to commit suicide for the third time on Friday 15th August 2014.. I took 36 quetiapine and it obviously didn’t work because I’m here to tell the tale. I was admitted into newbridge house mental health unit where i was sectioned and I discharged myself yesterday afternoon as soon as I was taken off the section.. I am currently under home treatment and they put up the dosage of my medication.. What I’m trying to say is that I never stop thinking about wanting to die.. Or should I say I’m told to die.. In my head I never hear ‘I’ […]
The last thing he ever said to me was “I question the authenticity to the ‘horrors’ you describe as having happened to you.”
We broke up 3 months ago and I saw him for the first time today. Just walked past me, 3 seconds all up. It left me fucked for the rest of the day. I didn’t think someone who loved me, brought me into his home to meet his family, could deny the existence of my struggle in such a malicious way.
I feel like an idiot for still loving him.
hi, first post. Suicide’s been in the news for the first time in a while, it seems..
I’ve been thinking about suicide and how the idea that it is bad, conflicts with several messages society sends. the idea that it is acceptable conflicts with other societal messages, and the idea it’s good obviously conflicts with many messages.
but just sort of thinking about life, society, humanity as a whole…. for anyone who tends to think logically on a macro (to the point where it’s difficult to form emotional attachments to real people in your close surroundings), why do people send out black-and-white messages to people? Whether it’s […]
A burst of stardust
Momentarily human
Dust forever more
That’s almost what I did today. I barely stopped myself. I was just overwhelmed. My mom yelled at me, my brother treated me badly, I’ve been depressed for weeks now (constantly). I’ve lost almost all my friends. I’m being forced to face my day (by my mother) when I can’t even get up.
And I face the monster in front of me everyday: my past.
Many tell me: what you did meant nothing. It’s the past. My pain meant nothing? The fact I gave away something I can’t get back is nothing? It being in the past doesn’t change anything.
So today I’m running. Away from everything. I’m […]
What in life makes it so hard for you to stay?
What is your magic potion?
What has made you stay this long?
What’s the thing you’ll miss the most?
Who do you think will miss you the most?
People call suicide “Selfish,”
Well I believe it’s time for me to be selfish.
All this world has done for me is drag me down,
it’s the weight that’s pulling me down to the bottom.
Why should I care about others feelings being hurt,
when they have done nothing to benefit mine.
We’re all going to die sometime,
so why not do it now?
Get it over with,
so the scars of grief caused by our deaths heal,
so our sorrow of being alive will end.
It’s hard to pick yourself up,
after you fallen.
It’s hard to “cheer up,”
when you have felt this way for years.
It’s had to “move on”
when your life is a stop sign.
everyday I plan a new escape route. This window, or that rope? This blade, or the bathtub, maybe? It scares the living shit out of me but it’s the only thing I’m 100% certain about. Death is the only thing that I feel is real. Death is the only thing I can relate too. Death is the only thing I see in my future. It’s the one thing I know I can do, it’s the one thing I know I won’t fuck up. People tell me every day that I’m selfish for wanting to end my life. but it’s pretty fucking selfish to force somebody […]
I just feel like I am the only person who really feels and thinks the way that I do. To me, everything seems like a dream, like one of these days I will wake up and things will be completely different. Who I am right now cannot possibly be the person who I once was and who I really am. Everything is hazy and I can’t remember that person clearly but I feel like I know that he exists, he’s just lost. This barely makes sense to me as a write it and I don’t think I would ever be able to explain it clearly […]
It’s too late for me I’m already damaged goods. I’m nothing but a concoction of regrets and despair. My insides are full of darkness. Wallowing in despair plotting my own demise smiling is my best disguise. People keep telling me to “keep pushing it gets better” and when it doesn’t they say it again but they never really mean. I ask them “what for?” and they tell me “because that’s just how life is. Well I don’t enjoy “life” and I never really have. Disappointment after disappointment embarrassing moments always feeling uncomfortable. I guess thats just how it is when you’re a foster child, constantly […]
Our eyes met,
and for some reason I just couldn’t resist you,
I fell fast and so did you.
But then the sweet words you called me turned sour,
the touching wasn’t so gentle anymore,
you left bruises and scars,
but somehow it felt better to go through this pain with you,
than without.
I never believed in God,
but I started praying for death,
hoping some greater power could take me out of this misery.
Your mean words became my reality,
and my bruises you left on my body never healed,
they were permanent.
I left you, with swollen eyes and a heavy heart,
never knowing if I would find someone that would make me so miserably happy.
I can’t wait for the apocalypse. Maybe it will be Ebola, or Russia vs. The West or North Korea will finally build its first working ICBM. Maybe all of these will happen at the same time.
Then all I need is enough sertraline to make sure I still feel nothing while I sit back and watch the world burn.