If I could obliterate one word from the human vocabulary it would be “love”. That word is merely an excuse, a pretentious claim, a self-serving tool for impotent people to compensate for their lack of emotional sincerity. What’s the matter, don’t know how to show it? Gosh ok, then just say it. A hundred times every day. Like a jingle for a brand of dish soap.

“O, they love least that let men know their love.”
Shakespeare, Two Gentlemen of Verona. Act I Sc ii.

These aren’t just the sorrowed stories of failure and loss..
These are cries of the war we live! The fight to be more! The battle for what’s right! These are the violent screams we leave behind for tomorrow! With words sharper than razors, to cut deep into our wasted faith, bleeding out from who we once were, to scab over the person we so desperately desire to be!
We breath, we bleed, we sing… we sing till there is no song to be sung!

I can be happy, I can be content – but behind it all is an absence of any belief that anything is of any value, or worth, materially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. All empty.

Then the light fades, that’s enough, time to go.

Then comes anger, a real anger, self directed, and at the rest of humanity. The call to ‘be nice to people’ to make me feel better, to ‘do something’ to make me feel better. Acting on such advice is nothing more than me, me, me – so it’s all just self serving? So its in the self interest of those who preach to say those things? […]

I love it…

I love feeling the sharp pain as the razor slides across my skin and flesh,creating an opening…

I love the euphoric feelings that comes with every new cut…

I love feeling in control of myself…

I love mutilating myself,through cutting or any other way…

Basically,I only live to harm myself.Smoke as much as I can and hope I get lung cancer.Cut as long and deep as I can until I go to the ER to get fixed.Drink as much as I can,until I collapse into an alcoholic blackout and wake up 24 hours later…

I have learned to enjoy physical pain…As I said,it’s the only thing I keep […]

Hello readers, I’m just your other ‘regular’ near-suicidal person…
Just like any other people who wants to die, my life isn’t really sunshine and rainbows hahaha…
I’m not so unfortunate to be an orphan, a slave, or handicapped, and I’m not confident to say ‘My life is the worst’ or ‘I’m the most miserable person on earth’…no, nothing like that…
I began my suicide thoughts when i’m at 5th and 6th grade in elementary school. you know, bullying and family problems ^^… in 6th grade i really tried to kill myself by “ Smoke from burning a BBQ in a sealed room” type of suicide. […]

Hi
may I have your yahoo ID I really need to talk with someone

She said..

“Nothing but the best, for the golden boy!”

Nobody knows what, if anything at all, happens in this hypothetical afterlife. However, knowing what I know about the current world or realm I am in, and where things are going here, and knowing that the better part of my life is already behind me, I am looking at it much like this; if there is an afterlife, maybe I can become a ghost and live forever in a younger and happier state, maybe not. Even if there isn’t anything beyond this, well, zero is greater than negative numbers. In essence, no life at all is better than a life of pain and suffering. At […]

I have been living this fucked up life for almost 3 years now. i am  a huge failure. in academics. in sports. in love. in almost everything. My parents think that i should never have been born . I put their head down un front of public. They want to make me an Engineer , but i don’t even know what i want to do . i just want to die. its not just about them . i am too fucked up . i am geniunely a big paranoid that everyone hates me for no reason. i am constantly hoping things will get better but […]

It’s oddly werid really,

how the sorrow comes back after every laugh,

The slight stinging sensation,

Prickling my numbing hurt.

I loved her, I really do,

She was my all , my everything , the love of my life,

and everything that I could ask for,

I promised to protect her forever , and yet it was me who made that promise a never.

I hurt her, I caused her worry, I made her grieve,

All because of my twisted thoughts, my twisted ways and twisted being.

I ruined her, her present ,her future,

And there’s nothing I can do apart from saying a miserable ” I’m sorry” that can never help with anything.

She smiles, she […]

My material possessions are starting to consume my life
There is just too much shit I don’t need and I’m paying too much for living expenses when I could be saving tons of money. This isn’t survival, and it’s not working. I have some debt too.
Gonna start selling off and throwing away pretty much half of everything. Ill have to give up my fish tank I guess 🙁 I really wanted to keep them for the next 10 years or so but I need to be light on my feet and go where the wind takes me. I need to get the hell away […]

I want to die right now. I had some sort of a plan, but now I’m extremely close to just trying the first method that comes to mind instead, and forgetting everything about what I originally planned. I don’t know how to cope with everything anymore, so I’m close to trying to leave this world without taking care of the things I need to first. No matter where I am or what I do, these thoughts are with me more or less constantly, and I don’t know what to do in order to be able to hang on anymore. Needless to say, I shouldn’t do […]

For me, the expression “you are your own worst enemy” holds a lot of truth. It’s a painful reality that much of what limits me in my life is my own feelings of unworthiness and self-hatred.

But where do these feelings come from? How do they influence us? And how can we push past them to live a life free of the harsh attitudes of our inner critic? I will never know.

I have nobody.

I have no real friends. Once I try to talk about my feelings or get help, I just end up getting ignored. I know it’s not easy but please don’t leave me alone in this again. I can’t breathe

i need to get away and drugs and these fucking razors aren’t doing anything anymore.

I’m so alone and tired

honestly I am just so lonely. i am so tired of being sad and not being able to help it, and i am tired of feeling ignored and unloved. I have a friend that i trust and always help when they are in need but whenever i need help with my problems they are never there. And i dont know if i am being selfish or if i am even sad enough to be suicidal, and i wonder if i am convincing myself i am because i want attention. i just want to know if people actually care or if they are just saying that.

please […]

Hit me up, no holler.

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Comments welcome

I used to have such a passion for life. It breaks my heart every time I realize the extent and speed in which it’s dwindling away. What a waste. Agony grips my form when my thoughts turn to the past and I see what I once was.

All I want to do is go back, because I don’t believe in my future and I don’t believe in myself.

I like this song, listen away.

It’s strange. I am not exactly what you’d call a thin person, nor am I tragically obese. In reference to fruit, I would say that I am an apple. I’m large around the midsection. It would be safe to assume that I don’t run…or exercise daily. I’m not a fitness nut nor am I terribly unhealthy. In fact, I’m quite average. I can walk a mile in 10 minutes flat, which doesn’t sound like much to some but I know people who are, 1/24th my size and they couldn’t walk a mile in 10 minutes if their life depended on it.

Lately, my sleep schedule has […]

Well, I am going to write about what has occurred in my life; when my depression started etcetera. I don’t really care if someone reads this or not, I just really need to write it down. I was in a abusive friendship with a girl who lived 3 doors down from my house. I met her when I 3 years old and stayed best friends with her for 10 years. I know what you are thinking. An abusive friendship from the ages of 3-13? Well this “friendship” contained of me feeling like complete and utter crap 24/7 because of the friend mentally destroying me (intensely I […]