It has been awhile since I thought about something remotely close to the end of my life cycle, but I don’t think I can see that far ahead. I doubt anyone can, unless, of course, one is terminally ill and the end is really nigh. In fact, things in my life have been so randomly confusing or misleading, that sometimes, it feels better to keep my eyes closed; to look inward beyond the void of nothingness; to find a piece of serenity through meditation; to feel the weightlessness of sleep only to wake up in what appears to be a dream. Sometimes, I wake up […]
Does heaven have a phone number?
Mommy went to heaven,
but I need her here today.
My tummy hurts and I fell down;
I need her right away.
Operator, can you tell me
how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part?
I don’t know where to look.
I think my daddy needs her too,
at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes,
but I really don’t know why.
Maybe if I call her,
she will hurry home to me.
Is heaven very far away?
Is it across the sea?
She’s been gone a long, long […]
wanting to be alone and not saved…
Saved from what? ourselves?
Are we the ones that caused this?
do you think i wanted this?
we all get judged for the cuts on our wrists
the scares that remain after the bleeding and pain…
why do you think we’d do this to ourselves?
just because we want attention?
cause we’re weird?
has it ever crossed your mind that maybe there’s a reason behind these scares?
well maybe it should…
maybe you should think about it before you judge …
before you look down on the girl that always wears long sleeves …
before you turn your […]
There are many fairies.
Some are good, some are bad.
But they are all beautiful.
The bad fairies can easily take over.
There’s the anorexic fairy,
She makes you perfectly thin,
But she’s fatal.
The self harm fairy whispers to you cutting is the only way out.
The suicide fairy pushes you off a cliff.
Pulls the trigger or gives you the ideas.
Then there’s the fake fairy.
She forces you to smile,
But puts you down and makes you cry.
Then there’s the fairy, who isn’t really a fairy.
It’s a bully. All the fairies are bullies.
They seem gorgeous and perfect.
But they […]
There used to be a world for us.
A place to go after paying a monthly tribute.
A place where we could be and do what we want.
Where the struggles and injustices of the day just flow away.
And you can finally just relax and have fun.
But that world is dying; much like that thing you call your life.
That thing where you receive blessings of many blobs of insecurities that in turn spout out more insecurities.
Until finally an ocean is created and those who don’t fit the norm are left on the shore to be labeled as defective.
Marked with names that crash into […]
I cry,
and it hurts,
like acid streaming down my face,
tattooing the trails,
as they flow down my cheeks,
and drip from my chin.
The knife stings,
as i slice deep into my arm,
I smile,
and the blood runs warm,
then I go numb.
The darkness fades away to black,
and my body tenses,
I can hear someone screaming,
far off in the distance,
screaming,
yelling my name,
I try to respond,
but I cant,
I cant move,
I cant make a sound.
Then,
I realize what I have done,
and I stand,
looking over my cold lifeless body,
as you,
come and hold my hand,
I’m just so done with this stupid life. I’ve never fit in no matter what. I suck at life and want to die. I have no purpose or meaning in my life. I’m a failure and all I do is suck at life. The only purpose to my life is that of being a fucking loser nobody. I hate myself.
I’m never going to have friends. Nobody likes me. I’m drinking to numb my pain before another suicide attempt.
I’m going to try a variety of things tonight. I don’t belong here in this world and don’t know why I’m even here.
all that I am good at […]
Just a cut.
Just a scratch.
“What’s that mark?”
“It was just the cat.”
Just an excuse.
Just another lie.
“What’s with all the bracelets?”
“Just fashion, why?”
Just a tear.
Just a scream.
“Why were you crying?”
“Just a bad dream.”
But it’s not just a cut…
Or a tear or a lie…
It’s always “just one more”
Until you Die
Despite watching everything in my life crumble and dissintigrate into nothing around me, my best friend from home decides to text me out of the blue. After handling her crisis, she says to me, ” You have always been the strongest and most grounded person I have ever known and will ever know.” What she doesn’t know is her text stopped me from inhaling a rather large handful of assorted pills. Her comment…I don’t know if I feel more ashamed for wanted to take my life or if I feel better for knowing that I can keep my fading life under control for other people.
I […]
What the hell is wrong with me? I wrestle in my mind constantly, “I need help. You have access to it but you need to make the first step.” “No, you don’t need help. What makes you think you are worth getting help for anyway? You are just being stupid. Suck it up, nancy.” It’s a constant struggle and I don’t know who to listen to.
I know in the end, that, that is going to be the final decision…the end. The anxieties I feel every day contribute to more and more problems. I just cannot gain control over my life. Hell…I can’t even gain control […]
I’m off with the world, things have gotten so much worse in a couple of days; my remedy – the last working medicine gives me no avail anymore. Chest pains and the difficulty to breathe is too much. Have to get to my car and end it in a matter of days.
Why does this unjustified destiny come across for someone who has no reasonable desire to kill himself otherwise than that of the irreversible condition – and a deadly one of course. This will be hard on my family, but I’ve ruined almost every relationship beforehand already – love and hate for all, I believe […]
An old acquaintance of mine used to have a radio show and once in a while he would pull off a fake commercial and let the audience vote on whether or not they thought it was legit. One of my favorites was “Euthanasia Cruises”. For $2500 you could book passage on a luxury ocean liner that sailed out past the 20 mile limit. Then the passengers could do whatever they wanted for three days and nights – eat, drink, do drugs, have sex with each other – whatever they felt like doing and as much as they wanted. Then after the three days everyone gets […]
About 3 weeks ago I said that I was going to kill myself. Well, I am alive now. At least for a little while longer, I am seeing a Psychiatrist and now she’s the only person who seems to listen after my best friend passed away and I don’t just want professional help, I want people REAL PEOPLE I can talk to. So for those who wanted me to write to, I will write to you and for those who want me to write to you, comment on this post. I didn’t really read any of your comments until today when I got back online.
So […]
we all got suicide stories, some are sad some are really sad, mine just lame is the same ” i hate my parents suicide story” most people mean it when they say they hate their parents some just hate them when they’re mad. i do hate my parents, well, my mom and her husband. her husband makes my life miserable , he is always yelling at me, saying stupid stuff about me and my mom job is defending him, i hate that i hate they treat me like shit, its been like that for almost 8 years im done. I’ve tried taking my life away […]
life fucking sucks. i really wanted to jump in front of the train today. I’m completely miserable and that’s all i could think when i was waiting for the train.
It’s been 19 days.
The medicine I’m on seems to have taken away the so familiar feeling of sadness I’ve had for as long as I can remember. The change is so sudden that I feel like I’ve been stripped of a part me, I part I loathed but at the same time loved. How is it possible that now that my depression is on the way to being cured, I don’t want it gone?
It’s as if I would rather stay with my roller coaster of a life then be happy. Do I really hate myself so much, or is it just her ensuring I never […]
Take everything in stride and try to enjoy everything for what it is. I understand it’s easier said than done. But take that risk of believing and never giving up anything that’s worth it.Things will run their course and just remember when things get bad from darkness comes light and most importantly always remain yourself never lose sight of you.
My life is a living hell right now my parents are divorced I cut I fight with my mother constantly and I hate my life,my father called me a ***** and told me to fuck off the my step father tried to hit me!i hate this world and I have no one who cares at all I just want to overdose and fucking die!!! No one cares anymore….waking up each day is like dying all over again….and maybe I’ll go somewhere better because I lived In hell most of my life….
Who am I?
The only question I’ve never been able to answer.
Even as a small girl I never really knew who i was.
As if I’ve been living a lie for so long that I can no longer recognize the real me from what I’ve become.
When i think about the fact that I’ve never told anyone everything about me, I realize that I don’t even know everything about myself.
But how is that possible?
Why can’t I remember everything?
Why do I not know myself?