Another low hit me today. I couldn’t get it out of my head. That I was trapped in this hell of my own making. The culmination of all my failures. That there was no way to escape. I wore an angry sad expression my entire shift. I couldn’t help it. My face naturally contorted that way. I was angry.

One way or the other. I need to go one way or the other. Because staying like this is not an option. I either have to become better and be able to reach my purpose […]

Anyone regret either doing something or not something where the results/consequences were life altering? Like you were stupid and made the wrong decision?

I didn’t do the usual things that most ppl do to fuck up their lives like drugs or alcohol but something stupid and I can’t go back in time to undo it.

Like something that caused permanent physical damage kind of thing. Like a suicide attempt or deep cutting or anorexia type of thing (no I did not do those) but along those lines. Where it permanently damaged you? (No that’s not the cause of my initial disability)

What if we accidentally […]

I’m sitting here at the library at this table. There is literally a sign on the table that says no food.

So what happens? This rude ass Russian mother plops down with her kid and starts eating and talking nonstop. Noisy and rude af. She is LITERALLY sitting right NEXT to the no food sign.

Not only that, but she keeps yelling at the kid the whole first half hour. The kid, to her credit, is actually pretty well behaved. Much better behaved than the shitty rude ass mother. I don’t even like kids so for me to say the kid was ok says […]

there is a young girl i once knew.  she seems like a distant memory now, falling between the cracks of my mind every time i try to grasp onto her, but i am very certain i know her. i cannot remember who she is, but sometimes a fleeting image of her passes through my head and my bones are wrecked with this strange feeling, unlike anything i’ve ever felt before. it is a sort of yearning, a maternal longing to reach out to stroke her soft skin, to press my ear against her chest and listen to her fragile heartbeat, or to wrap her up […]

Daimiyo Shitsune sends his gracious Messenger with a deadly cargo,

A truckload of absolute bullshit,
140% quality,
This’ the real ordeal

A delivery of 50 tons of unexploded toilet ordinance,

straight from the bunkers of Doomp

my land is a land of wonders, it’s called
Iran-to-the-toilet

A land where Big Brown is always watching,

where even the quietest fart can be deadly

And the deadliest sin
is holding it in,

To every consonant —
a vowel,
The only constant — vowel movement

First of all, Im grateful that this place exists. Bc when I have no one, and Im feeling as lonely as I did today, I at least have this place to come to.

I’ve been struggling with suicidal daydreams a lot lately. I think there are parts of my life I desperately would like to escape. In some ways I did; it was nice out, and I went for an extra-long run along a forest trail. I got lucky and saw some deer that didnt run away. 3

am i six years and two months past my expiration date?

ive contemplated the above question thousands of times over these past six years, never really found an answer, or maybe the answer was dependent on my mood at that instant. still, pretty inconclusive.

i wonder if i can continue running for much longer now. my knees hurt, i’m out of breath, my vision’s becoming blurry.

it is quite funny, if i’m being honest. i had convinced every iota of my existence that no matter what happened, i could always just run away from things and escape them, all by myself. i guess i wasn’t thinking about getting […]

Well, it’s been a while. My parents found my journal that I’ve kept for the past three years. I would have rather been beaten to death and burned alive than ever have them get their hands on it. I was afraid. And honestly, I was right to be. They took 148 photos of the contents and shared them with everyone they could think of. Even my little sister’s best friend’s parents. They sent me to another hospital. But everything’s just gotten worse. More insults, yelling, my mother genuinely asked me what they had ever done to make me think they were bad parents. They trashed […]

So there was this annoying as hell fly buzzing around my room. I’ve had a lot of fly and gnat problems lately. Room’s so gross that I guess it makes sense, but I’ve never lived at a place where it was this bad. I think it’s also cause I’m in the boonies. Anyways it was buzzing around and eventually I found it tapping against the window. It kept trying to go outside. I thought about squishing it, but I just watched it tap tap tap against the window. I thought about how God is probably just watching us […]

Yet another “truth” we’ve been taught since elementary school is a lie. This post isn’t about Helen Keller specifically, but more about yet ANOTHER thing we found out that was completely fake and we were lied to since little kids.

At this point, the better question is, exactly what have they NOT lied to us about?

——-

With regards to Helen Keller, the fraud is coming from her handlers, not the poor girl herself as she likely had zero free agency.

Also, with such a sketchy story, even at the time when she was alive, why were we all taught in school that this was […]

Wow, imagine having such a good and boring life that THIS is your complaint? (this was in reference to an in-game ad). I wish I had this kind of bland, non-bad life where I have no real complaints except for non-issues like this. And I’m a girl btw. And yes, she is getting eviscerated in the comments.

I remember thinking how excited I’d feel when I reach that 10 week mark. That final 10 countdown. Now I kinda just feel nothing. Maybe despair a bit, but at this moment in time nothing. I still haven’t bought a gun yet. Don’t know if I will, but I know that’s the most important step. Things are going well now, but they’ll go bad again eventually. And then good again. And then bad again. This cycle is pointless if I can’t achieve my purpose, and I already know I’m incapable of it. So if I […]

Sometimes I wonder how much of it is a “me” issue vs a “thing” with generation/gender/race/age/geographic location/etc.

If you cease to exist, would anybody care?

You you cease to exist, would the world care? Or even notice?

Does your existence impact the world in any significant way?

What is the value of your life?

One of the MAIN reasons for me being suicidal is that this world is SO corrupt and so FULL of evil ass people. I don’t just mean just evil people like murderers and rapists or like Epstein level. I don’t mean just the evil people in politics either. I don’t just mean the rich elites that control our lives in almost every way possible.

There are tons of shitty people we see and meet IRL too. We can’t escape shitty, greedy, evil, selfish, manipulative horrible ppl.

Like for example- shitty nurses that are supposed to take care of you in the hospital but […]

Heard a little about it when it happened, but everyone moved on, didn’t question jack shit. This showed up on my feed so I guess a FEW ppl are talking about her suspicious death again- which the public SHOULD be doing.

In light of the Epstein files, in light of all the blood drinking, baby eating, rape of little girls, and in light of just how horrible Ellen is- which took WAY too long to come out btw- is Anne’s death NOT suspicious AF?

You can CLEARLY see her sit up and try to get out of the body bag.
1- Why would the […]

i don’t know what to talk about. i think lately i’ve been going through the motions a bit, both at work and just at home honestly. i guess there’s a limit to how much i can ignore an issue? at least that’s what it seems like. that person from before still texts me, and i don’t know what to do. i really don’t think they understand, honestly.
but anyway, i don’t want to sound like a broken record, always talking about the same things. it’s just a bit hard to deal with, i guess. i’m trying to get past it, but i just can’t pull […]

I’m so tired and burnt out, I’m just laying in bed.

That was the bulk of my weekend, last weekend, only really getting up to get food since my fridge is empty.

Been slacking on working out because of class.

The person I really care about is halfway around the world and busy. I’d like to talk to her more but she’s with family and on a completely different time schedule. Not much I can do there expect not bother her too and check with her when she’s available.

Idk man. Maybe I’m just not able to function as a human being, because I feel like it’s a lot […]

Does one have to be delusional in order accomplish big goals? Does one have to be delusional in order to succeed in life? And not be mediocre?

Call it confidence, call it over-confidence, call it having ideas of grandeur or being delusional- what have you.

What if we can’t accomplish thing great unless we believe we will?

I hate toxic positivity more than anyone, but… is there SOME truth in “what you believe is what you get?” Or rather what believe wholeheartedly is the MAX that you can achieve?

Say for example say you think the best you can do in life is grind out […]