“I didn’t care about anything. And there’s a freedom in apathy, a wild, dizzying liberation on which you can almost get drunk. You can do anything.”
— Lionel Shriver
Never thought that I would be on here again but I guess I just need to vent. My grade is shit in math, my teacher treats me like crap btw but I get it at home too. This whole week I’ve been treated likes hit and I’m sick of it, I’ve been called names pushed and lied to throughout this week. If you cross be over don’t come back. If you have something to say , say it to my face direct contact please. And family , my dear family, LEAVE ME ALONE I don’t know if you guys know the concept of alone or […]
Go far enough I’m dead.
Is it possible that this entire human world is completely upside down in its beliefs, and in fact life is a bad thing; death is a good thing; and suicide is the act of an enlightened soul that has come to this awakening?
What do humans live for? Ostensibly to contribute to life. To make life better for themselves, their families and other humans. Longer, happier lives for everyone.
The same thing can be said about an acid trip. You want it to be a happy one. You want it to last as long as possible. You want to share it with your friends. But in the […]
stop.
why can’t I stop playing this in-between. I’m not getting any better, I CAN’T get any better until certain things happen that just aren’t happening, that are out of my reach. And I can’t end it either. Why the fuck can’t I just do one or the other?
NO it’s not a matter of positive thinking. NO it’s not like I don’t know what I need. I know what I need and I can’t fucking GET it. That’s the problem. Why don’t I just MAKE the attempt so that they HAVE to listen?
No, I’m not making it up. No, doing fucking yoga isn’t going to help. […]
I won’t die until late August, but this is the note for when I do. I need to share it.
My suicide note (In preparation for the inevitable. In preparation for the end of the story that has been embedded in my genes since I was an infant):
They say life is a bad joke. They are wrong, it is a good one. When we were little they told us that we were special. That we were unique. That we were all winners. That we mattered. That there is justice in the universe. That we were lucky enough to be born in the greatest country in the […]
I actually have two of these friends. I am very lucky!
There should be a law that says everything is 50 – 75% off according to how bad the economy is. That way companies would lose a bit of money but ultimately gain a profit and another the upside is that the economy holds up….think of all the spending people would do? I wonder why things are unregulated now….”lobbying” (legal bribery) perhaps?
I really don’t know what to do I am
in a such a bad way mentally right everything is getting on top of me and I cannot cope with anymore shit. Every time I am in one of these low moods my parents blame and tell me to get over it, my grandma fellas to constantly pull myself together, my friend keeps telling me to call crisis and when i do I get nothing then he suggests I call Rachel or Jenny my cpn and mental health worker. I am in such a bad way right now I feel like actually ending it as as the […]
Are you proud of me now?.
I’m not gonna be here anymore so there shouldn’t be anymore trouble. This is what everyone wanted. everyone will be happy now that I’m gone. I’m just a waste of space. ill still be here with you, just look up at the sky and you’ll see the moon shining bright. i never wanted to hurt you. you weren’t the one to blame. it was to world and this awful race. I’m sorry but this just isn’t my place. Born in the wrong place, born in the the wrong time. i cant deal with all the pain, I’m not a fighter. […]
‘Ask him why there are hypocrites in the world.’
‘Because it is hard to bear the happiness of others.’
‘When are we happy?’
‘When we desire nothing and realize that possession is only momentary, and so are forever playing.’
‘What is regret?’
‘To realize that one has spent one’s life worrying about the future.’
‘What is sorrow?’
‘To long for the past.’
‘What is the highest pleasure?’
‘To hear a good story.’
— Vikram Chandra
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVtPLBqjxGk
I am writing in this for the first time and all I can think is why? why is suicide bad, why am I living to write this? I should die, its not like anyone is out there waiting for me.
When you know how hard it is to drag yourself out of bed in the morning, then we can talk.
When you know how hard it is to even keep breathing, when all you want to do is stop, then we can talk.
When you know how hard it is to believe that life will never get better no matter what you do, then we can talk.
But right now, all I hear is noise.
Life should come with a disclaimer
“For entertainment purposes only”
Maybe means I don’t know
Maybe means I think I’m giving up
Maybe means somewhere deep inside I’m still fighting
Maybe means yes
Maybe means no
Maybe means goodbye
Maybe means hello
Maybe means everything