I am sick of reading about promising outlooks for treatment.  I have been suffering from MDD/ TRD for too long. I’ve been on multiple combinations of meds for too many years nothing…..at least 40 different meds. I have had 19 ECT treatments ( with a lot of memory issues).  I’m sick of people not understanding.  I’m sick of running to appts.  Therapy….behavioral therapy…..psychiatrist….  Not to mention all of the rest.  I’m sick of fighting, crying, anger.  I just want my life over!  So many positive thing out there for help when I’m reading literature. Or trials so far away some simple person couldn’t even […]
I’m still alive and I do good things, Help people, I donate time and money to good causes, I have a part time job. I want to be finished. Why cant I be happy or content. I’m still alive this is weird. Its gotta be almost my time to go.
It’s 3 in the morning, and I’m not doing anything except listening to music because everything else is so boring, so pointless.
The things that I used to enjoy becomes so mundane.
I’m so scared taking of my headphones and go to sleep.
I’m afraid the silence will be deafening.
school starts tomorrow again.
nothing to look forward to there. friends who don’t care about me. teachers who dont try to help me but simply try find every way to get me kicked out. I’m fighting for my education. failing computer class. that’s only the beginning of it. my boyfriend left me. because he doesnt wanna deal with my bullshit anymore. can I blame him? I’m suicidal, I’ve got hundreds of cuts on my arms, legs, stomach. My family disowned me. I’m only 16. last week I went to jail for beating a girl up. a girl who deserved it but I hit her first. now […]
I feel better today than I did last night or the day before yesterday. I guess all of they crying cleansed me in a way. I do not cry for myself, I have been able to overcome my MDD, ADD, and BPD and make a pretty good life for myself. As many of you know, I am not suicidal, I guess you could say I am here to save the world. I understand that some people become angry with people like me and for that I am very sorry.
No, I do not cry for myself, I cry for my son, I cry for the […]
I really want to cry and I just can’t.. I’ve tried thinking about everything that makes me sad.. I’ve tried cutting myself and it hurts so much.. But I couldn’t cry. I’ve hit my hand off a wall. WHY CAN’T I FUCKING CRY?!! It’s like there is a big bubble that needs to pop inside me but I can’t find a way to. It’s been like this for so long I makes me want to end my life (along with other things).. JUST LET ME CRY!!!!!! Can anyone give me advice? Could really do with it…
Unlike the majority of people think, suicide is not for the cowards.We know it requires strengh and bravery.I’m so weak and exhausted, I couldn’t even pull a trigger or take some poison X_X.I spent the last week oon the bed, I can barely stand to brush my teeth.I dunno, I think the worst part of it all is that since the last year I’ve been thinking : “Today I’ll commit suicide!”.I got everything I need, but I STILL don’t have enough courage.My life sucks and I’m still here, there’s something wrong with me, I think I’d better avoid this suffering.And everybody here is so sick […]
Im writing here because I really don’t know where else to turn. There’s people around me that I want to reach out to, but the thought of doing that seems worse than dying…when I was a kid I was around a lot of things that disturbed and distraught me, so in order to cope I turned something off inside of me so I wouldn’t care and these things wouldn’t bother me anymore. And they beer did again, but it came at a great price. I’ve lost passion or interest for anything, and I’ve lost the ability to trust and communicate with others on a genuine […]
We haven’t heard from Januray…But.. I missed all these people who doesn’t know how much I love them.. Maybe they aren’t perfect to someone else,bu to me you are perfect just the way you are. I love you guys,all of you.
My status,of emotions are distroyed.Of health so much better,but I still feel empty. And if someone is willing to share their story can send me a mail on lanamajetic33@gmail.com . I will always be there for anyone of you. I can’t say it will be better,maybe it won’t be like you want. You have to stay strong. I sound like my therapist. haha. I […]
I always knew how things were going to turn out. I didn’t quite know when but I knew how. I knew that if something didn’t happen that caused my death, It would happen by my hands. I honestly do not have the courage to do it and I admire the people who do. I just thought that if things got bad enough, I would find the courage. Though I have not yet found it, I feel that I am close.
I am convinced that I am loosing it. In the past couple of years, I have just become such an angry human being that I have […]
so there’s only three more days until i get to do it. i haven’t set everything in place yet, but hopefully i’ll get to do it soon.
i still have a tom of questions. where do we go after this? what will happen to everybody after?.. but i’m tired of hoping that everything will become better, coz it never really does.
i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to cry anymore. i’m just so tired of everything already.
..this is 10 years of low self esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety.
This is 4 years and 4 months since I first discovered this website.
I still want to die.
___________________________
People always talk about holding on, it gets better and this isn’t your life forever, but when is the way I feel about myself or my life going to differ from the past 10 years? I’ve been shattered and broken by depression and this idea of suicide.. I’ve held, and held, and held, for what? Nothing has changed the way I feel and believe me, I have really put in maximum effort and tried to change […]
1. If you fall in category of Ludwig Boltzman, kurt cobain, Sigmund Freud, alan turing … it is absolutely makes sense if you are suicidal
2. Otherwise you will fall under category thousands of talibans dying, hundreds of people dying on accidents, lots of un noticed humans dying on roads, ….
Being suicidal is not for every one. First get the success in life, than suicide. Which inspires others who want to suicide.
just looking to see if there are people from northern CA here? 26 year old female… major depression
Email me if you wAnna talk… Gothams.harleyquinn at gmail dot com
Very sad….
I feel like somedays I can hide my depression, but lately I just can’t seem to send it away.
Apparently I’m a fake, wannabe because I try to be something I’m not, happy.
I can’t be happy, no matter how hard I try. It’s hard to not burst into tears in front of my parents,
in front of my friends. I just don’t want them to get involved, yet it’s all beginning to be too much.
I will deal with my problems; they can deal with their own. Even though I just want to fall asleep
and never wake up. Just so they […]
Get it? Like carpe diem? Probably spelled wrong…who cares. Guess who is getting drunk for the first time, because why the hell not? Gonna die anyway, might as well have fun
A couple of months ago, when I was a hair’s breadth away from ending it all, I prepaid my cremation and paid off my credit card so the executor of my will would have no unexpected bills to pay before ordering my assets distributed.
Posters here from the UK and possibly Australia and NZ will recognize this as the hymn tune for I Vow To Thee My Country, played at the wedding of Diana Spencer to the Prince of Wales and again at her funeral. It was her favorite hymn.
This version has different lyrics and is better known in the USA. The tune is by an […]
John Denver – Singing Skies and Dancing Waters –
I sang this song at the memorials of two friends who died due to drug addiction…..Jeff was the one I thought could beat the addiction, but heroin was stronger than our relationship – me, the one who has never done an illegal drug – he died alone, in a NYC hotel room, which is why the song Angel is also significant for me .
As you can tell, I relate things through song very strongly.
Anyway – here’s Johnny:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBhvQRUb6Ps