My dog is sick again…
I want a peaceful passing. No drama. No pain. All my life I’ve only been pretending. People tell me to follow my desires. To do what I want. I want my sufferings to end. I just cannot cope anymore.
Personally was never a cutter. Carbon monoxide is what I’ll use.
I’m doing the world a favour by dying.
I am the reaction of the expectations of an absent other.
It was my first time. With the blood the tears began to roll again. Is this your effects of cutting – releasing emotional pain?
I asked people for help today and was rejected. Why is this world so cruel?
So I’ve learned to make myself purge.
Today I threw up a lot of blood.
i havent been on this website for months. 9 to be exact. i remembereed my login, and read through all my old posts and realise i am feeling absolutely no different than i did before.
i may even feel worse.
this is so horrible and there is no one around me to listen to me . they are all getting on with their happy lives and i feel like my feet are glued stuck.
there is no one for me to go and there is no way of expressing myself that is satisfying. not even cutting can make me feel better anymore.
IF YOU EVER READ THIS. I HOPE YOU KNOW YOU ARE WRONG, AND YOU NEED HELP. IM NOT NEGLECTING THE FACT THAT I CLEARLY NEED HELP BECAUSE OF HOW UPSET I AM AND FEELING LIKE I HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE NOW. I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU CHOOSING NOT TO TALK TO ME AGAIN IS ON YOU BECAUSE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO IGNORE YOU. YOU DONT STOP. I HOPE YOU KNOW YOU MAKE ME WANT TO DIE. AND I HOPE THAT IS WHAT HURTS YOU. I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU. THE ONLY HURT I WANT YOU TO FEEL IS KNOWING YOU COULD […]
Im 25 and so lonely. I don’t have a job or many friends. I’ve never had a boyfriend or even been on a date. I sincerely think I’m super ugly. The last time someone told me I was pretty was on Myspace. So that was a long time ago. I’m chunky, have big feet, broad shoulders, and have dark skin where there shouldn’t be. I’ve tried lots of things to try to lighten it, but nothing had worked. I can’t wear low cut tops or short shorts. I don’t even feel like girl. I feel like this big disgusting monster. I honestly don’t think any […]
if i know i have no chance for a life, should i kill myself now and get it over with, even though i want to live a better life but it seems impossible? i don’t want to kill myself. but i see no other way. seriously, i want to live. i want a life. but it is clear now that that’s impossible. why put all of my energy into graduating if it’s not going to happen? he’s made it clear. and if i don’t graduate, that’s it for me. and i have no reason to be around. that’s all i care about at this point. […]
Just another sleepless night, crying about her.
I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I’m only 15 years old and a sophomore in high school and I already starting to believe that I’m screwed like hell. My parents keep on stressing the fact that the best I could go is UC Davis and not UCLA or Stanford. In freshmen year, I started off with a crappy GPA of 2.67. As the result, my father would sometimes come into my room either 12:00 or 5:00 A.M just to hit me and complain about my grades. My parents stopped calling me my given name and nicknamed me “2.67” or “Junk […]
Doomed from birth.  Where is the justice in life?
And it’s not about karma there is no karma. I know so because I am one of life’s “freaks”. If I had a past life, I had the same essence, the same personality I have now. Otherwise I’d be a totally different person. I am an innocent creature. Never was a bully. Never was even clever or strong enough to figure out how to bully the bullies. But god made me a freak anyway.
Maybe god prefers the freaks.
http://www.thehumanmarvels.com/
I don’t believe in heaven but if I did- these people deserve to be there more than anybody. And if I were […]
I no longer care if I live or die. Nothing matters much anymore. Not sure if this is good or bad, just really a fact I guess
Hello there,
I am approaching 40 yo and am looking for reasons why to live still. I find it difficult to be with people, and that includes anyone, including my parents with whom I have recently (2months) moved home with.
I have a long simple yet complicated story but will share to see if anyone can relate or perhaps offer any words of wisdom.
The story starts I guess about 12 years ago, when living with someguys, whom after a while I found not being able to contribute to stories etc, so would politely excuse myself from their presence, ie go outside for a smoke, say i’m going to […]
Go to sleep and close your eyes,
and dream of broken butterflies,
that tore there wings against a thorn,
you know the pain that they have bourne.
Sliver metal shine so bright,
scarlet blood that feels so right,
dream of blood trickling down,
and wake up before you drown.
The moonlight shining off your tears,
as you bleed out your worst fears,
so tonight when you start to cry ,
whisper the cutters lullaby:
Hushabye baby , your almost dead,
you don’t have a pulse and your pillow is red,
As I contemplate this thing called life I can’t help but get Sad, Furious, and frustrated. Why would anyone put me on this planet let alone birth me. I DONT WANT TO BE HERE does anyone understand. Cause if you do thats great. I’m pissed off and unstable with emotion right now so I put into my writing. I don’t want anyone knowing my secret. Although plenty do so why not just say it, the world knows anyways. Everyone knows everything because that’s how it is.
This world is not hell. hell is something we walk around with all our lives. It’s basically in my back […]
I’m lonely. No other way to put it. And I’m tired of people saying how happy they are
I made a promise to never disappear and bring sadness. So, before I can disappear I have to ask people close to me if I can, if I’m still needed. If only one says yes to if I can disappear, then I will. 4 of 5 said I can’t. One will not answer me, thanks to that asshole who ruins my life. So, I must stay. Until I am no longer needed. We will see on Monday.
im in the studio right now, and I’m having a break down. i can’t do this. i want to talk to him so badly. i can’t stop freaking out. i want to talk to him. i can’t. i want to graduate. i want my work to be great. i want a good life. i want him in my life forever, but not as friends. i want him to know how much i love him and care about him and how insane he is. all i want is to be with him, to graduate, and to get a job. i fucking sitting in the corner right […]