I’ve spent the past 35+ years in a depressed state. Something needs to change before it is to late. I’ve contemplated suicide more times then I can count even went as far as planning how and when I would do it. But I couldn’t pull myself to do it because I didn’t want my kids to grow up without a mother. And I didn’t want people think of me as weak and selfish. I hate the image in the mirror. I’m tired of putting on a brave front. I sick of crying myself to sleep. The loneliness is suffocating my soul. How can  I teach […]
Dear family and friends,
I want you to know that I will be in a better place. I found peace with myself and I can now be happy. I didn’t want to be bullied anymore and I thought no one wanted me around anyway. But no one was there when I needed them the most and I felt hated my best friend moved and I found it easer to talk to my choir teacher.
Also I hated myself I hated talking and I hated everything about me and it’s just harder for me to live and be happy when I should […]
I have many names.
Shadowknite to you,
Earthknite to others,
No One, Nobody, Nothing to those say I will remember or stop them.
I am known as Jacob. That is my name. I am No One, and I will remember you.
My name is Joel
I’m simply here to give some help and be a friend. I’ll be on the chat for a while longer if you need help.
continuing on from Story of my Life part 1…
He broke up with me. I couldn’t believe it. He raped me. But I still couldn’t believe he left me, just like that. I went to school everyday being teased and harassed. Until this guy whose name I didn’t even know, told me that he knew I didn’t want to have sex with him. (I’ll call him Nick, not real name.) He told me that he’d stick up for me. He’d protect me. Of course I thought he was just acting nice to get what all the other boys wanted. I bitched him out. I yelled at […]
I got over most of my suicidal feelings, I haven’t cut in a couple months… But for some reason now, I feel like cutting is something I should do. I’ve been tempted in the past few weeks to grab a razorblade and just play with it on my wrist, leg, arm…whatever grabs my fancy. It almost feels like it should become a part of me and that I shouldn’t deny that… the only thing that is currently keeping me from fiddling around with the idea is the fact that my boyfriend will take me on a date if I keep myself under control and that […]
Covering your ears to prevent the assault of my screams
You don’t want to acknowledge the betrayal
Just the self righteous smile plastered smugly on your face
Now it’s time for the tables to turn
Time for you to feel how badly this burns
Through my heart, through my soul
And now that all is lost, especially my self control
I want you to know my pain
I want you to feel it dripping down your face
I want you to taste it on your lips
I hope you like what you see
Because you’re the one that did this to me
https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/01-Take-It-Away.wmaExit, stage right
You can’t convince me, to keep up this fight
There’s nothing here for me
Except more tragedy
I can’t outrun the past
And, I know, I will not last
I don’t have to take it
And don’t ask where my faith went
It never existed to begin with
If you think you can shame me
With the hope I’ll consider staying
Then you’ve got another think coming
Just say goodbye
Because I’m tired of trying
Instead of cutting my leg or stomach like I usually do, I made a few slits on my wrist. Not deep….but I was satisfied with the amount of blood I drew. Fucked up, I know.
The thing is now it’s gonna be harder to hide. I think I’m finally getting my courage to go further to the vitals. If the rope doesn’t beat the knife to it.
Boy oh boy. Sorry if this is a trigger to any of you. I don’t even know why I feel the need to say this stuff.
I just don’t understand people’s fascination to live same as they can’t understand my […]
Goodbye world. Thanks for those of you who have helped me.. but I’m afraid there is no longer hope for me here.
Well, she slapped me today. I was about to punch that b****. But then my father stepped in and saved the day. Woohoo. What an epic love story! (I’m about 6’0″ and 200 pounds and my mom is 5’8″ and about 140 pounds so I could’ve done some damage) god I hate them. They don’t understand me. They make me so angry I literally can’t even see I’m so mad. What idiots. They should seriously not be parents. My god.
This is a long story, but, I’ll tell it. I’m 15 years old. I tried suicide numerous times. I am obsessing over a girl. You see, I started liking her in last year, and it started out as a physical attraction. Then, it turned into something else. The school year ended. Over the summer, she was all I thought about. If I was out with people, I didn’t care about what was happening there, I cared about what this girl was doing. I stayed awake most nights thinking of her. The next school year came around. I asked her out, she rejected me, of course, […]
I have been having those thoughts again.The bad ones.The ones i dont want.I feel useless.Unwanted.I just wanna dIE.Disappear.Become nothing.
okay this got delted so ill write it short and simple bullying. guys making fun of me and saying really mean bullshit. they dont listen to the teacher or me so….. i told them to stfu cause they dont know me or my story or anyone to be making comments like ah im so dumb i just want to blow my brains out like stfu you twat fucker fuck sake man. I told them that isnt funny they laughed. so i got up and punched the ***** in the face like the he is. and his other two friends two i told them that they […]
Thank you to the people who give me advice,, here on this site,, you have no idea how many times it has acted as some kind of wake up call,, but I think I should mention that I don’t reply because I don’t want to turn this into a facebook type feel,,, that probably wont make any sense to anyone but anyways… thank you- you know who you are…
Change starts from me and then we go from there,,, but what do you do when you keep relapsing into the old “suicide is the answer” routine,, its one that I seem to fall into quite easily,, […]
whenever i  get into really deep thoughts i always end up laughing. laughing at the absurdity of it all, laughing at the absurdity of my efforts, laughing at the absurdity of my suffering. i suffer because i am human, because i have to survive. had this survival thing not there i would laugh my way in and out of this world. all my reasoning regarding my suffering ends (i.e. starts) with this survival thing. my whole evolution is based on this thing. all my hate, all my animal instincts are based on this single thing. i think if we could somehow get over this one […]
I’ve attempted many times to better myself and failed. I’ve been an active person in the community, some failed jobs, and I’ve allowed alcohol to come into my life not knowing what would happen. I’ve tried sucide before but it didn’t work. And since then the feelings come back every now and then. Feelings of resentment, bitterness, hate and low self/family/community worth. And now I’m in debt, unemployed and taking up space. I’ve applied for an apprenticeship program and I hope it goes well so I can get back on my own two feet again. Thanx.
She was little when it started, too little.
Is nine too little?
She was nine when it started.
She was sitting on the floor
Of her grand Dad’s mobile home
Thinkin and thinkin
She looked up and saw fields of grain fly by, and her one thought, her single thought was,
“Open it. Open the door, you could fly too.”
She got up, she jumped up, jumped. Lunged for the door, lunged for the handle.
Her breath shot out of her mouth, and she inhaled deep, deep, deep, until she choked on all the air.
She was little when it started, too little.
Is nine too little?
She […]
Hey, what’s this?
Yeah, don’t be afraid.
Come a little closer.
I wanna see your face.
Lemme see you.
What’s this?
Can you describe yourself? I wanna see you in mind.Let’s meet sometime!.I’m the skinny guy, yeah that one next to the big guy, short brown hair, white as iceberg, misterious green eyes, few spots on the chin, walking down the street, nobody notices me, my inner sorrow you can’t see.
Just lemme see you.
What do you think about sex?
Do you want it?
Do you satisfy your sexual desires?
Your sexual desires, are they bigger than your suicidal thoughts?
I personally think that sex is something really irrational and disgusting, at my age (17) I think I’ll never do it.Naturally, I have sexual desires but I refuse to satisfy them.I know I’m going against my nature.I have suicidal thoughts almost all the time, but eventually I suddenly start thinking about intercourse and for a moment I forget that my life is a crap…actually I think that life itself sucks.
I wish I were asexual.