Most mornings I wake up wondering why Im still alive. I hate life, there are good, even great things in my life, but they don’t make me happy. The people I love or like to hang out with and the things I like to do only make me comfortable for a bit, even a couple of days, but the desire to die always come back and it is getting stronger by the second. I just never understood whats the point of life. Work and have kids???? that doesn’t sound very appealing to me. I work and go to school, but I would just love to stay […]
People know I am in pain but they don’t care to help me. They just pretend nothing is wrong. I feel invisible. Cutting seems the only way to ease the pain. Attempting it has been on my mind for years. My parents don’t give a damn about me. They don’t seem to care. I look out the window as we drove down the road and wondered what if that was me. On the side there they lay. Upon them they have others eating and nipping at them. I wish it was me laying on the side of the road. Wish they could change places with […]
Broken
You say you’re broken,
Unloved and unwanted.
You can’t be fixed,
And you are haunted.
What people say,
That is what cuts.
The words throw you off,
And you get stuck in the ruts.
Many say “I care”,
But few are sincere.
When you are broken,
U notice no one is here.
You wish yourself away,
Ready to give it a try.
U think u can’t stay,
That you need to die.
I reach out to you,
Saying sweet things,
I want to fix you,
I say that it stings.
I cut for others,
To get them to stop.
I am still clean,
Three years at top.
When I see someone unhappy,
It gives my heart great pain.
I want them to be happy,
And to smile again.
I will not stop,
I am […]
Imagine a map, it’s a map of the world, a giant map, placed on the wall.
There are lights on the map, some of them blue, some of them white,
some of them glistening more, some of them flickering faintly.
Each light represents a soul.
Your light is on the map and I don’t know if it’s blue, white,
if it’s shining or if it’s hiding, if it’s bruised or healing.
(If it’s healing, it’s purple.)
Then something horrible happens; a villain steals the lights.
Not the souls,
just the lights.
Blue, white,
purple.
No indication of them on the map.
The map’s plain now. That’s not nice, is it?
A plain map. A plain map that didn’t use […]
About 9 years ago, in my 4th grade year, I had a friend named Alexia Starlit. She was two years older than me, oldster sister of one of my closest friends, and my closest friend at the time. Pretty much a sister. My parents had met her and her sister, Nehoan, but don’t even remember either. They don’t even know this story.
There is this thing where so lived, a selection of sorts for the 4 local gangs. They’d come, watch us fight to the near death, and would claim is before we reached middle school. Alexia didn’t want me participating. We argued about it, and […]
Well this its my story on how my life is only getting worse And more painful. My name is Matthew and I live in Nelson new Zealand I am 14 years old and am year 10 at Nayland college.
It started around term 3 last year and till this day my life has been torture. In class of I bend over to Tie up my sore laces I get shoved over. If I’m doing sport they spare tackle me from behind. If I sit out to try Getty a break but they say get up and.play you fat Cont. Btw I weigh 78 kg. Every […]
Hope April be a awesome month…
So lately all my friends want me to help them with relationships of their own. I don’t know all the answers sometime and thats what usually makes me feel bad. When i can’t find out how to help i feel bad i cry and just go on a rampage. One of my exs still a very good friend of mine started to tell me to focus on my own relationship. For some reason i never listened but now a days all i try and do is be there for them. But then my so called friends make me feel like crap cause im not helping […]
My Name is Annie, I reside in Carson City, NV and I am here to tell you my story.
My story is probably a very common one, but three years ago, started a riot in my body. The moment my boyfriend, who was my first of everything dumped me over a text message, i went insane. I started everything to just be able to sleep, to eat, or to even live without him. I was messing my self up heavily. (Three to Four bottles a night, 24 case beers, Marijuana, pills) I wanted him so bad that my actions ended me up in the hospital, unconscious, […]
Laying here, covered in sweat and tears
Bodies still heaving
Complete yet broken to pieces.
So close to another, but eons apart.
Wanting to be held,
But the pain is too much
Staying here, covered in blood
Body shaking
Falling to pieces, but finally whole
All alone, but one with the universe
Wanting to be held,
but the pain is enough
I’m bored and really don’t know what to post. Yes, this is a post about not knowing what to post….
Why can’t anyone hear me?
Why can’t anyone hear the screams?
Why can’t anyone hear my screams?
You were able to hear them.
You listened.
You shielded me from the pain
You saved me from the cold
You dawned on my world like the sun
But then you set
All suns set.
The stars aren’t bright enough in this black world
The screams are loud
Can you hear them?
They’re breaking a glass wall
A glass cage
The cage can’t hold the demon any longer.
The world will burn in the night
Or
I can plummet into the sea
Before I allow the world to burn.
Perhaps the cold water
Will stop the screams.
So..How does it feel? Well, depending on the person it can feel all sorts of ways. I know one thing, that no matter the person it feels like shit. Okay, so let’s get started on the whole basis of it.
I don’t really know why I have depression, and sometimes I wish I had some sad backstory so it would be easier to explain. Nothing bad really happened to me, nothing too scarring. It’s just the little things that do it. Every little ounce of stress and anger, it all causes this sort of snowball affect. Slowly building up to knock me down.
It doesn’t physically hurt, […]
This poem is kind of the same as last time except it’s more “in the moment” if anything. hope you enjoyed
I’m the girl chasing a dream
but underneath my human skin, i’m a monster
creating visions that are not to be seen
and spilling blood that’s not meant to be cleaned
I terrorize throughout the night
Tearing through their flesh and bone
and as i look for more victims to take,
i realize, I’ve been turned into stone
a stone cold killer, i guess you could say
but that still doesn’t make the pain go away
with every scream ringing in my ear
I continue hold them […]
I was so careful with the measurements. Yet I still woke up this morning only to a hell of a stomach ache and spewing everywhere. I thought for sure I would be done peace at last, no pressures too tug at me all day long. Just bliss and as I sat there knowing full well what I had done I grew with joy. I hugged my mom and my sister hell I even talked about cars with my step dad who I loathe. In those moments I was happy only too wake up the next day knowing my curse is still not over. Like […]
im sorry
but im done waiting
im done with this
im so done
with people hurting me
and doing that over
and over and over
again and again
a never ending cycle
i thought maybe
one more week
one more month
one more year
one more chance
i was wrong
i cant do this anymore
i thought i could get better
but i cant
i dont know how to be happy
i dont know how to do that
i dont know anymore
i was looking through a box
of old stuff earlier today
and i started crying
because there was a card
that my six […]
So, I found an amazing video with the Cutter’s Lullaby, and on it were some pictures for people like me. My sis made me angry, and I threw my phone at her. She picked it up, and it had frozen on a pic of the word “Disappear . . . ” and a bunch of blades around it and some blood stains. She said “that’s perfect for you. You should disappear and make everyone’s lives better.” So yeah, it’s my home page background. If my parents ask, I can say “(sistername) said it was perfect, so I kept it.” though they won’t find out. they’ll […]
So, it’s the end of a terrible spring break. Last week, a kid in my class began making fun of Death, like it was something casual. He asked my closest friend if she “wanted to die”. She of course replied no, but he replied with “I think you’re lying”. I told him not to joke around about Death, cuz some people have bad memories with it. He flipped out on me, saying it was natural and nothing can stop it. Now, he had heard about my friend, and how she died in front of me, thanks to me, but he obviously didn’t care. It’s hard […]
Title
The blade comes down,
Tears staining your face.
The voices and taunts,
Leaving a bloody trace.
They think they’re better,
And tell you you aren’t.
Stings like hell,
You’re ready to give in altogether.
Unwanted and alone
You curl in a ball.
You wish to sleep,
Once and for all.
You think no one cares,
You put your life on the line.
You’re ready to commit,
And prepare for your time.
I reach out,
Wrapping my arms around you tightly.
I whisper in your ear,
And I tell you matter without a  doubt.
I care for you,
And don’t want you to hurt.
I’ll always try to be there,
And go through your hell with you.
I speak the truth,
I will never lie.
I will always think you’re beautiful,
No matter […]
I can’t even type everything that’s going on with me. It doesn’t help me to tell people what’s going on. Unless you have about $2000 that you’re willing to donate me, and possibly a guaranteed job in Houston for my fiancee…there’s no help for me. Nothing has got better since the last few posts on here. I constantly think of suicide. Every single day I have at least one suicidal thought. I don’t know what to do. There’s nothing I can do, and no reason to fight for life anymore. I can’t say that I’ll kill myself. I thought I certainly would the last few […]