Looking around at friend’s and family I see a cycle, one I don’t want it makes me depressed. Everyone grows up and lives in cookie cutter homes has kids and slaps on a smile. I don’t want that, I don’t want to get sucked into society’s vortex. I want to be a nurse and work all the time. I feel like since i’m girl my family has the same expectations, grow up, get married, kids. I just want my cat and me, and to help people. I don’t want anyone’s expectations. I feel like i’m a burden to my boyfriend, a disappointment to my family. […]
So, past few weeks have been hell. I have been having extreme bursts of anger/violence. It isn’t me, it isn’t me at all. I’m a good girl and now… in less than two weeks time I was taken to ER in handcuffs in back of cop car (released same night) I had to talk to a therapist in a cheap hospital gown naked. I’d rather they strapped me in the chair as long as I would’ve got to keep my clothes on.
Anyways, cut to this morning … my dad was in my room and called me names and screaming and what have you… he barricaded […]
just want to be left alone. Just want people to stop coming up to me, stop giving me attitude. I just want to go to bed.
Trapped in my own mind,
Bound by anxiety
I’ve caged myself, with contradicting reason. I push people and emotions away so I don’t get hurt, but I worry they’ll leave forever.
I don’t know how to to escape… yet I hold the key to this cage.
HOW FUCKING STUPID AM I?! I MUST BE PRETTY FUCKING STUPID! IM SO STUPID! WELL FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FOR GETTING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT AGAIN. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. IVE MADE THE DECISION IF IM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE NONE OF THAT SHIT IS HAPPENING. NONE OF IT. HOW FUCKING STUPID AM I. JUST STRUNG ALONG AND DISPOSED OF. I SAID ALL THAT SHIT WAS SO VULNERABLE AND MEANT IT. AND YOU ATE ALL THAT SHIT UP. THEN WHEN THE MOMENT PASSES, ITS FORGET IT. FUCK YOU. I AM WORTH SO MUCH FUCKING MORE THAN THIS SHIT. MY LOVE MY […]
But some of these post make me want to die more.
Idk if this site will speed up or slow down my death at this moment. 🙂 the faster the better.
And in the darkest night
If my memory serves me right
I’ll never turn back time
Forgetting you, but not the time.
I feel this urge at least once a day and think of a new way that i could leave, get away from all of this. Pills, drugs, blades, ropes, buildings, nothing uncommon really. If I’m gonna go, then that girl who told me “cut a little deeper next time’ will feel satisfied with herself. She will know that she has won, because I am too weak to fight. Who’s to say she won’t do it to another person, and another, how long before it’s to much? How many people have to die before someone cares? These are peoples lives we’re talking about here, and they […]
Froze my ass off today whilst traipsing around the woods with my uncle. The scenery was nice and I always enjoy being around my Uncle (more than probably my whole family because he sees me as me, not a dark moody piece of shit) but it didn’t clear my head like I had hoped. Did the opposite, actually. I feel so damn worse after getting back.
I had a good cry then slept half the day, but I came to the conclusion that I think the woods is my ideal resting place.
While the idea of death by hypothermia has crossed my mind a lot, I […]
Since reading and responding to posts here I’ve noticed everyone fits into their own category of what depression means to them. While many have always been down with bullying, financial hardships, abuse or mental disorders, others have complicated combinations of all of it.
Personally, I’ve had a taste of plenty of the aforementioned issues. I’ve also been fortunate enough to bypass most of it for a long time. I had a great stretch of happiness (the most I’m capable of harnessing). Now I’m at the point of needing to rebuild and raising up from depths of the worst depression yet.
Knowing where I’ve been, what it […]
It’s obvious to me. I’m throwing myself into a hole, each time getting a little deeper. Farther and farther down where I know you’ll never find me. I wanna take the pills to stop it all. I want to drink the whiskey you bought me. I can’t keep going on like this, knowing that some day you might leave me. Why did this happen? Why did I give everything up?
Why can’t the words seem to flow from my fingertips.
I honestly don’t know what to do…
I feel so alone. It’s like I have the perfect boyfriend, friends and family. So why do I consistently feel this urge to harm myself. It’s been 6 months since I’ve cut and smoked. So why do I still feel this way. Why can’t the thoughts disappear. I want it all to end. I don’t always want to cut myself. I want to stop being so tired and sad all the time. I hate it. I hate myself. I’m not skinny enough or pretty enough. I just want to feel okay again.
So, damn this day because I was talking with Siri and . . .
Everything is slipping and I can’t be saved
so now we play the waiting game.
I act strange, well… I understand philosophy, quantum physics and things like that, but I think the other people are harder to get.
I dunno, I think the other people act strange too.
Most of them are mean, arrogant and harsh.For example, if somebody’s got a big spot on the nose, they wouldn’t think twice to mock him or her.If somebody is overweight they’d start bullying.And so on…
I’m so dumb sometimes…
Once a girl “befriended” me and we used to talk about everything, she said things about me but I couldn’t notice she was actually insulting me, she was just having fun, laughing at […]
— when I run out of weed, it’s basically like being out of medicine. Therefore, today sucks the cock.
I’ve been that one guy who sits alone in the back of the class the guy who sits alone st lunch and why? Well the answer is obvious everyone hates me. Everytime I try to talk to someone I get this strong feeling they don’t want to be around me then again who would I’m a complete waste of space I’m only on this damn blog so my friend the only person who cares will know that I’m alright honestly I’m sick of being everyone’s punching bag it dosent matter where I’m at some asshole will open his mouth then everyone’s saying something about me […]
I was told once, before we’re born we choose to come into this life. Told the possibilities of life are endless, you can do anything you put your mind to. Why is it that life contradicts that very statement. From a young age were forced to see the realities of what this life really is. A place where judgement of others is more important than judgement of one’s self. Where the rich strive and prosper and the poor struggle. Where the only peace you can find is in the bottom of a bottle. Or with a complete stranger, it seems the closest to you have […]