It’s been almost a year since I’ve been rescued from here. And I find myself sitting here at night again. Knowning no other way out that to spil out my heart on this place.

Why didn’t I just kill myself last year. Why haven’t I done it still.
It’s because I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid to wake up again. I’m afraid that guilt will kill me if I do.. I’m afraid I will be too weak to actually commit. I’m afraid I don’t have enough know how.
The one thing I’m not afraid of is dying.

hospitals suck. that’s all I have to say about it

I hate it when someone who was previously “suicidal” says that suicide is selfish. Because, if you’ve ever been in that mindset, then you know that it isn’t selfish. You can’t just forget wanting to end your life. It’s preserved forever in your mind. No, you don’t just forget that feeling. And why would anyone say that anyway? Why would you ever insult someone who is at this point? You would never tell someone with cancer anything like that. Why is there so much negative stigma surrounding this?

So, I overdosed last Tuesday night and I was sick for a few days afterwards and I’ve had pains all in my stomach since. No one except a friend at school knows I tried to kill myself, and she didn’t think much of it and made a joke about it. That made me think I was pathetic. That I was stupid and pathetic. And that made me think of doing it again. With even more pills this time.

The shadow people are back again. They try to hurt me again. They hold my head under the bath again. I can feel them on me in bed, […]

Everyone has been told or at the very least heard the expression,”The world does not revolve around you.” What a concept.

It’s been documented that bipolar can bring out hallucinations during mania where individuals think they are God. I experienced a taste of this. When you consider that you are the only person in control of your thoughts, actions and memory, you cannot begin what it is like to be someone else. All you know is what you see and experience.

We are essentially in our own little world’s. Not one person can take over our perception of what happens through life. All there is to […]

I have a question to you guys. this analogy occurred to me two days ago and i’ve been contemplating about it ever since. the analogy is this:

what if a cell of our body become aware of its position and role and that how its work is used in maintenance of body. do you think the cell will go self-destructive after knowing this fact (because it will know that it is being controlled)? or will it keep doing its work for body?

i with all heart believe that it will go self-destructive. i have never been able to relate with anybody. i don’t know how i think […]

We are not the same, not you ,Not me .nobody will ever understand you, nobody. its you all alone on this thing we call earth.Life is a big challenge some quit earlier then others .Some get it easier then others but you can’t help what happens .Do you really even know what life is cause I sure dont.

The only reason I’m alive is her. I just want her.

Does what I will describe ever happened or is happening to you?

At first of my depression, I was of course sad, hopeless, and in great pain. But as the years go, I keep those feel but it’s becoming more and more twisted. I feel this anger growing and I feel like in those moments I really am dangerous. I’m not a bad person but I can’t stand any more of the injustices, of people like us living one foot in the grave while other people have it all easy and painless. Laughing doesn’t feel sincere, it’s always with a part of bitterness. I can’t feel […]

I’m 14 and I’ve already had 4 suicide attempts. Is that bad?

Death is a thought that every once in a while draws me closer and closer. The loneliness on nights where sleep can’t come any faster and I hear that monster talking me into death. No one will miss this pathetic little man. No one loves me, no one acknowledges me, I tend to be ignored by most. I guess I should take my life but what stops me is that life is not mine to take even my own. And so I guess I will suffer until the day comes maybe I deserve pain, some of us do. If I fail maybe tomorrow I may […]

As bad as I want to die I haven’t given in yet. I’m trying really hard to make it through the next 8 weeks until my trip, it’s the only thing might save me. I want to wait until after it to make my final decision. I’m trying and fighting, even though it’s causing me unbearable pain in the process.

I might not get through the 8 weeks though, I’m barely getting through the days. I quit my job so I just sleep my days away and drink at night, but thankfully I got my Ambien prescription filled today so maybe I can sleep at night. […]

This is a good post http://ithurtssomuch.tumblr.com/selfharm

Tell me, did it hurt even a little, when you looked into my eyes and saw all the broken pieces?

If your reading this i just need to get this out

I miss feeling loved, needed or cared about.  I had this freidn that would make me fill like I was the most special person on the world that I was worth more than a million bucks.  But now I think I’m obsessed over this girl.  We were so close, both helping each other with life and our difficult pasts.  But then someone close to her died and she just stopped caring about me.  WE use to write letter to each other every day but when i mention them to her you think they were the […]

Hey guys, I’ve been kind of a lurker here for sometime now. I just joined because I really wanted to speak to a lot of like minded people in terms of suicide. Suicide is something that has been on my mind for a long time now, but it has recently become a stronger fixation since the beginning of this year.  A couple of weeks ago I started feeling like I could feel that the end was near for me and that I would probably die because of my fixation on suicide.  Even now, it feels like I’m at the last step, but the problem is […]

So one of my friends just told me he was cutting and contemplating suicide.(Join the club, right.) and basically wants me to be there for him to help him get better. How am I supposed to help him get better when I can’t help myself? He really doesn’t have anyone else to talk to. Suggestions? Comments?

Recently, I spoke to a Mom that told me a very sad statistic about her son’s high school.

She said that 3 teenage boys had taken their own lives in 3 years!

I felt deep sorrow about this situation not only because of the loss of 3 precious lives, but also because I, too, have struggled with depression.

And, I, too have been tempted strongly to attempt suicide.

In this excerpt from the introduction of my book: The “Mentally ill” Mentor: Practical Principles for Achieving and Maintaining Balance in Your Life, I explain my heart-wrenching experience in greater detail.

Here it is, word for word from my […]

Hey guys. well, where to start.  I’ve always had suicidal thoughts. when I was 17 my first serious girlfriend left me for her ex.  I went through a long stage of depression. for at least 6 months. I wrote a long suicide note to my family one night when I was certain I was going to kill myself. I was in bed, left the note laying on the floor. I had a plastic bag put it over my head waited a couple of minutes…I could slowly feel myself drifting away.  but as I was about to fall into the ‘no going back zone’  I had second thoughts […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQTRX23EMNk