Well… I um.. First posts are always the most awkward but .. Don’t know what to say really, Live in Uk. 16. at college. Tbh, I suffer from major ocd, suicidal thoughts, self harm, anxiety, to name a few! I may seem happy and at ease, but I’m not really. Things seem to get caught up and I’m left stuck of options and running out of ways to fix things.All un diagnosed. and other stuff. I’m not good at opening up to people, but as you can see, I am on here, I just need a place i can talk to people and A shoulder […]

You thought you could control me and you did, you still do. One thing I want most in life is to become the bigger person, and be able to forgive and forget. Why is it that you make this so impossible for me. I hate you with every inch of my being, my core, soul, or whatever it is that comprises this sad excuse of a human being that I am.

Every hit you gave, physical or emotional, scarred me to an extent which I am ashamed to admit. No one should have such control over another human being like you do with me. I see […]

now that you are near the end!

I just sent an e-mail to a site that (supposedly) does contract killing.
Yep.
They’ll hopefully kill me (I haven’t received a response yet) and then they can do whatever the fuck they want with my shit. Sell it, break it, donate it, I don’t give a fuck.

Pathetic, can’t even kill myself. Need to hire it out. Oh well. Hopefully they’ll get back to me and this will end quickly. If they’ll even do it. If this is even a real site and not someone trying to be funny.
This is terribly reckless. And I find myself not caring.

See y’all on the other side, if […]

has anyone thought to do like in that movie? i rlly thinking to that but need a serious plan

This isn’t really how I feel NOW, but I wrote that earlier this week ’cause this is something I do a lot :

Bath time was over. It was enough. So I pulled the bathtub plug. Then the water started to go away, slowly. I didn’t really want this bath to end, so I stayed there waiting for the water to vanish. Then I started thinking about you. About how it was over and that I didn’t really want it to end. When the water was leaving me, I felt as insecure as I was when you first started to walk away. At first, it was […]

To help alleviate some of stress lately I decided to make a post on this site.  I’ve been struggling with depression since I was a young kid, and it’s finally come back in full force.  I’m currently a sophmore in college trying my hardest to enjoy life but everything I do just seems to end with me wanting to put a bullet in my head.  If I had a gun at home, I’m not even sure if I’d be here right now.

It’s amazing to me that I’m still struggling with depression.  I recently received a full ride scholarship and have almost no social anxiety.  It […]

if i just disappeared,
would you know?
would you care?
would you look for me there?
i know you would search,
you’d fail, but you’d try,
and you’d cry,
for this horrible loss,
of a shadow that lost
it’s battle with life,
i tried oh so hard,
but i failed,
life derailed,
down the suicide path,
it was painless and fast,
i didn’t want to last,
and now Im gone,
and you cry for me,
you cut deep,
and you weep,
and you lose lots of sleep,
but you slowly move on,
and you no longer care,
about the girl who should not have been […]

It’s been a week or 2 since I lasst posted, but I figured I would give you all an update. That is, if anyone cares.

So I went to the state tournament. And won, then lost, then won again. At this point, I was one match away from placing in my state tournament. Tough kid I had to take, but I was confident. Anyways, 3, 2, 1, wrestle! So we did, and I was winning for a time, then he got desperate, and I ended up losing.
After that, I cried for a bit. (I know I know, men don’t cry, but since I am […]

I feel like I’m such a failure, I’m 23 nothing to show for my life… I have a dead-end job with a small company… I’ve attempted college several times already, just don’t seem to have enough ambition. I can’t afford anything, I barely make enough to pay rent, electric, & gas… Yet I don’t qualify for help from the government… I look around at everyone else and wonder why am I in such a shitty situation, why can’t I be happy, why can’t I afford to eat everyday; pay my bills; and live a normal life… I am feel everyone is always judging me… I […]

I used to think that I was strong, that nothing could break me. Untill one day when I was in 6th grade I was with my step dad and He raped me. I told my mom and she got mad at me and said I’m a liar and not to say anything to anyone. I couldn’t keep it in. It hurt me so much. I told my 5 closest friends, and I thiught I could trust them. I was wrong. They told everyone. I came back to school 2 weeks later and these girls said I wanted it and i was a slut […]

It seems as though I have been waiting so long for my life to end. I just manage to live through another day and then another night. It is my hope that each day will be the last. Each evening as I fall asleep I hope that I will not awaken.

I’m so stressed out. I’ve been so down this school year. I’ve let my grades slip. I hardly go to school anymore and when I do, I skip class. I’ve already gone to truancy court once and will probably go again since I’ve violated probation. I’m not sure I’ll make it to being a senior next year. I don’t want to repeat junior year. I do not want to spend an extra year in that hellhole of a school. I’m slowly getting my grades  up, I’m not a dumb kid. I can do the work. It’s just that I’ve been so depressed I become distracted by my thoughts […]

Trying to summarize what has brought me to this place is pretty difficult. When your life is fine (good job, wife, kids) and you still think about killing yourself every day, what do you do? I just have a hard time dealing with the pointlessness and the daily sameness. And the fear. I’m sick and tired of the constant fear that something bad is going to happen to someone I love, especially one of my kids or my wife. So I try to practice my zen breathing and try to live in the moment, and try to appreciate the moment I’m experiencing right now, and […]

It’s been three weeks since I picked up a knife

And took it to my skin, when I began to slice

With each cut I made, the weaker I felt

And my heart had been filled to the top with guilt

It’s been two weeks since I wanted to die

To just disappear, oh how I wanted to cry

I wanted to lay in my grave and never wake again

But instead I took my feelings down with paper and a pen

It’s been one week since I last had bad thoughts

I’ve been doing what I can to survive, with everything I’ve got

I’ve been revived, I’m living a life

A life where I don’t […]

everyone on here seems to have these incredible stories. everyone has all these reasons as to why they’re so depressed. sure i have stupid normal issues but nothing that bad that i should want to kill myself. but i do.

im about to start failing classes because all i can do in class is think about killing myself.

i’m new to this site.

but so far everyone seemsto have a good reason for being so depressed and i don’t.

and it sucks.

I’ll pass the torch to you my dear,

You’ll take my troubles; take my fears.

Don’t worry love, it’s not too bad

Forget the life you could’ve had

Honest smiling, laughter too,

That kind of stuff’s just not for you

You’ll live for me, fix my mistakes,

I’ll be there every step you take

So you’ll remember,

And not forget,

That I left you, no regrets

Why do you cry, what’s wrong pet,

You’re only paying back my debts

Why have hope when you have me,

I’m all you could ever need

I’m by your side, and this is true

I’ll always look after you.

psych

I had something to say, something clever and witty. Now I can’t even remember what it was. Like I’m losing track of my own mind. I’m good at my job, I think. But today, I couldn’t remember how to do even the basic stuff. And I really want to hit the voice in my head, even though that wouldn’t work, and it’s a stupid idea.

Need to vent. Try and puke this stuff up on the page (sorry).

I have Bipolar 1, and I have it bad. It’s ruined my life. While manic I did so many crazy and awful things.

When criminals are tried, if a doctor says they were ‘of unsound mind’ that can be a defence.

I have no such defence. Nobody ain’t defending me, and I can’t defend myself.

I brought a child into the world under these regrettable circumstances.

He now, understandably, hates me.

I distract myself continually. I can’t let myself dwell on the past, present or future.

Long time since I posted here. I came back.

Putting my hopes in somehow […]

My best friend (were both girls) this weekend kissed me. We both like each other a lot. And we know about it. But i just told her lets not do it again Because i don’t wanna ruin our friendship. I just ruined it though by telling her shes mad at me now. Its hurts a lot. I ruined our friendship, I ruined it. Shes the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But she deserves better. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. No one will ever be able to love me.  I push everyone away. I’m a terrible person. Her heart […]