I’ve got a dark little secret.

Something that covers me with its cloak of black midnight everywhere I go.

It weighs me down with its millions of pounds.

It soaks my face with salty droplets from the vessels of sadness in my heart.

Okay… Its not a little secret. Its a big secret.

Hello Cruel World.

In 4th grade I had no friends. I used to be the most popular girl in my elementary school. I had the biggest friend group, the first spot in line, the best lunch table. I know, I know. Public […]

Honestly, I’m not much of a writer so I will apologize ahead of time. I truly just want my feelings to heard. There is only a few people that know what I have been going through and yet they still sit back and do nothing. Sure, they express there concern for me and say, “It’s not worth it” or “I know how you are feeling” or “Give it time, it will pass”. Okay, it may not be worth it looking from your eyes, but to me it is. THAT’S WHY I’M SO UPSET! IT MEANS SOMETHING TO ME! I’m sorry, but there is absolutely no […]

havent been on here since last year. I’ve been to hell and back

i want people to know they can email me if they need someone to talk to or advice.

naomirogers1996@yahoo.co.uk

xo

I hate life. What’s the point in living when you have nothing? I always have this weight on my chest and its so hard to breathe. I just want to scream fuck everything. I don’t want people to tell me it gets better, it doesn’t. I hate when people say they know how I feel. You don’t know a damn thing about me. I don’t show how I feel. And it’s going to stay that way.

Hi Guys,

I don’t feel well… I feel suicidal… So suicidal… So depressed and sad I don’t know what to do…

How am I? Physically: Broken Mentally: Broken

My physical state… It’s just not the best right now… I have no cuts… Well not yet… Maybe later tonight my body will have a few… But who knows? Maybe I’ll be pathetic and not cut… I just don’t know… I don’t feel well… I don’t feel like I deserve to live… I’m in so much pain… So many tears… Why should I live when I’m in so much pain? Can’t I go?

My mental state… It’s just too broken […]

Well, to be honest, I didn’t think I needed to be.

Since the last time I attempted suicide, I was feeling better. I still had mental health problems and I think I always will have but they calmed down. At least, on the suicide note they did. But my depression had been getting worse in a different way- I could barely get out of bed, I couldn’t bring myself to wash, eat or drink anything until I was offered, I couldn’t bring myself to change out of my pyjamas. I was a complete mess and still am.

My anxiety was getting worse too, but in a different […]

Maybe if I told you
The real truth
You would care
Maybe if I told you
How I really am
You would care
Maybe if I told you
What was really happening
You would care
Maybe if I told you
How I really felt
You would care
Maybe if I told you
Everything
You would stay

What do I like? I love to daydream. Vanish into another world that only I know about. Escape from the struggles of reality and breathe easy knowing that nothing is wrong anymore. Everything is OK. I can picture a paradise, and fall deep into the unexplored realm of imagination. I can be separated form those I need no company from, and become closer with the people I want to love. The test tomorrow would disappear, and in it’s place would be adventure and a different life. A different life. An unattainable postulation, but a desirable one. A daydream can transport you away from stress and […]

I don’t know if anybody cares, but clearly by the poetry I’ve written I have issues. Nobody cared to comment, so I guess I’m not cared about at all. I have been told to go die in a hole my sister, my dad has told me that EVERYTHING is my fault, and we won’t even get started on my mom. My family is not abusive in anyway. Just verbally when they’re mad. I have ADD and insomnia. I’m a good kid. I don’t get in trouble. I love God. But for some reason, every time I close my eyes I see the evil that I […]

As a child, and indeed as a teenager, and even now, I’m mostly a loner. I never really sought out the company of other people, for whatever reason; and having a disability that carries lots of myths that people actually believe hasn’t really helped with friends. In elementary school, I quite clearly remember being lumped in with a group of people with learning disabilities, with the premise that I could make friends with other “disabled” people. Being nine or so, it didn’t bug me much; indeed at the time it did seem like a nice gesture. But, as I said, I’m […]

Two years ago my boyfriend of a year and a half started ignoring me. He ignored my texts, calls, avoided me in person and when I asked why he finally told me I’m “a fat ugly waste of space that doesn’t deserve to live” and I became depressed. I cut every day for nine months. I counted over 1000 cuts in less than a week. I drank bleach countless times in the hope of dying but it didn’t do anything. I stopped eating. I would just have dinner with my family so they wouldn’t suspect anything and it would have been a tiny […]

I used to come on here all the time.

I’ve been, “fine” for a year now. Occasionally cutting & testing how many tablets I can take until I throw up. I lie to my CAMHs worker (councillor) about being okay.

I am fat & ugly. After years of abuse I don’t know how I lasted this long. A-levels are too difficult due to how depressed I am.

Now, I have taken a handful of sleeping tablets. I will take more.

Now, I’m going to take my own life.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this, maybe to distract myself from how I feel, depressed, light headed, paranoid, & my eyes […]

I almost did it last night. I ALMOST took my own life. I can’t even remember when these thoughts started to take over my life. I feel like it has seriously been forever that I’ve wanted to kill myself. Every time the littlest thing would upset me I would automatically turn to suicide. I’m embarrassed and ashamed of the shit I pulled last night. I would never do it for attention; I’m just emotionally and physically drained. I feel even worse about myself because I know my friends were worried. I don’t know exactly what set me off this time, maybe it was just bad […]

You ask :” Hey how are you?”

and just for once I wish I could just say: ” I’m miserable and I wanna die. Every breath is a challenge! My loneliness is endless and there is this black hole at the bottom of my heart that seems to eat away at my soul” Oh what a load off my chest. JUST FOR ONCE, to be completely honest.

But instead I smile and I say”fine!, how are you?”

which is your cue to tell me all about your wonderful weekend. It is all you wanted anyway. I think even if I tell anyone how i truly feel, they […]

i can’t take it anymore
i don’t know how to cope
this isn’t a goodbye
i hate goodbyes
but this is close to it
i don’t know guys
itd be so much easier
than to keep fighting
to just submit
into the darkness
its getting to too much
i don’t really have anyone
to talk to about these things
i mean yeah i have friends
but they don’t know the whole story
and i don’t want to tell them
and my parents yeah i could tell them
but then id have to sit down and have
a long talk with them and i can’t do […]

Why do you care?
Why do you stay here?
Why do you comfort me?
Why do you try to help me?
Why do you try to tell me lies about myself?
Why do you try to prevent me from cutting?
Why do you think I should stay here?
Why?!

I won’t be on this suicide blog anymore but

for those of you still arguing why I survived let me tell you the reasons.

First, the powder was pure.
Second, I sent the SMS before I ingested it.
Third, the girl to whom I sent the message knew exactly what I was going to take.
Fourth, she told the ambulance right after.
Fifth, I was in a hotel central in Prague. The ambulance was there almost immediately.
Sixth, I was brought to the best clinic in Czech Republic.
Seventh, they knew what to do. Articifical breathing, stomach pumped, the right medication, infusions etc.

That feels the way i do? Is there anybody out there

So im 33 and have hoped my life would get better…the past week or so has proved me wrong and there is nothing left to be hopeful about.I have several health problems any of which could kill me at anytime.I have 3 girlswhoi lovemore than anything even tho only one talks to me anymore.Within a week or so after i postthis i plan on taking my life,i know its a selfish act but there really is no other choice.It feels good just to write this down thanks to anyone who reads.