I am an Army veteran. I joined up to help people. I ended up getting hurt in the process. I am now out of the army and have a wife and child. I can’t stop thinking about the tour I done or the people I lost. I know I’m supposed to move on and care about my wife and child first and foremost, but, I don’t. I love them, but, I can’t feel for them like I guess i should. My thoughts are always focused on tour and I am often angry. I get so angry I scream. Sometimes I don’t even know why I’m angry. When I’m not angry I am sad and only what I can describe as empty. I drink and push myself to the limit to feel anything else then this emptiness and sadness. But I always crash afterwards and feel worse. I feel no relief and no respite. My wife and daughter deserve better. I don’t think I can provide what a family must need.
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Welcome back, soldier.
Outstanding service you’ve rendered (I’m guessing OEF?) and you made it home. But by the sound of things, you’re still “over there”, fighting. No doubt, the service would’ve demobbed or put you in Inactive Reserve, the fact remains you are home and operational parameters have changed: you are to assist your family by being the husband and father you were born to be. I know that you can take the soldier away from the war, but you can’t take the war away from the soldier. Your first advance to contact, making contact, seizing/holding the objective…you’ll never forget that. You lost brothers/sisters in arms on tour, you will never forget them either, and they will live on through you. You need to honour them by looking after your family and doing your best to provide for them.
Don’t consider this a written order (I was a lowly Private after all) but friendly words of advice from someone who can comprehend your situation. I had a Corporal tell me once during a training ex, “there’s no enemy out there today, Sig, stand down” and maybe it applies to you as well.
Madame Cerveza will keep you company for now, and you have my regards for the loss of your comrades. Take care, soldier, and God bless.
Hoo-ah.
Foremost I would like to thank you for serving your country, if your American thank you even more since I too am an American and I appreciate what people like you do and sacrifice for our country.
I think you should embrace these feelings of sadness and anger. You might need some time to just grieve. It’s ok to grieve, its ok to cry and its ok to be angry. You just need time to reflect and understand what happened doing your tour, learn to cope and move on in your life. Yes, part of you will always be a soldier, but thats ok. Its time to come home now. Its time to adjust and learn to be a husband and father again. I could only imagine how it must feel to go on tour and then come home, with no real time to adjust.
You may feel guilt. Understand you did all you could have to helped. Your a good soul, a good person to do what you did.
Your wife and child deserve you. You deserve to heal and not hurt anymore. If you need support and need to talk there are people here, Including me, who will be here to help you.
I hope this helps you a little. Take care.
Thank you both for your kind words. I was in the British Army but served alongside Americans on exercise back home and on operations in Afghan. I still have gifts from some american Marines I worked with. They were good soldiers and men.
I can’t look at my wife and kid without feeling guilt. I think it’s because of some women and children I have seen on tour in bad ways. I can’t seem to disconnect. I haven’t slept properly or dreamed well in 4 years. Sometimes I wake up and I still think I’m there on tour and if I can’t find my rifle I freak out.
My wife doesn’t know how I feel and when I wake her up when I dream she falls back to sleep. I can’t tell her about the things I dream of or what I saw and experienced on tour. She says I have changed since I got back but I’m too frightened to tell her why. She wouldn’t understand and I would never burden her with it.
I suppose it’s why I’m here now. Just need to say something to someone. I feel no peace or relief anymore. I don’t remember how that feels.
I will try to do what is right by my wife and kid. Even though it feels like nothing. I know i shouldn’t not feel anything for them, guilt seems to be it at the moment.
Thank you both for your words and taking the time to reply.
Roger, squaddie. (I’d assumed you were American due to most posters here being American.)
So you’d worked along the Spams and Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children? Never got that privilege myself, but I hear they have some decent kit worth “acquiring” if you get my drift. OP Herrick is wrapping up for the Brits soon, right? Our fellas pulled out late last year IIRC.
I’d heard a lot of good feedback about the L85A2 since HK refurbed them, and I know how you feel about not having your rifle handy (I still remember my rifle’s s/n – NZ 9117090) and I have nothing but praise for the Minimi 7.62 LSW, right proper weapon for sure. Hell, sometimes I start screaming fire control orders for no apparent reason, and I realise I don’t have the operational experience that you do, but being in the “Green” does that to you, I suppose.
Well, I’m here if you need to talk. I hold the British Army in very high regard and personally know a vet of OP Banner who has been a true friend to me over the years.
“Forward As One.” – Did I get that right?
Hey Mr.Pink, your welcome and thank you again.
I also have a buddy who was Marine and served and fought in Iraq as well. He was also a journalist and was part of Operation Vigiliant Resolve in Fallujah. I understand it must be extremely hard to diconnect that life from the one back home. He suffered the same. He had tremondous amounts of guilt for the horrors he witneesed out on the streets of Iraq. He hs told me quite a number of things, and he has bit of ease talking about it, but you can see it im his face and eyes that it bothers him to this day.
I sorry if this topic brings back alot of negative memories and emotions.
But please, give your wife a chance to understand your emotions. You do not need to tell her what you saw on those tours, but just let her know who the tour has affected you. Let her know why you have changed and wht you suffere from. Its best she know so she can u derstand you and be there for you. She is your wife and im sure she would be more than happy to be by your side through
Recovery. Even thougb she may never fully understand, she will do her best to understand and help you. It will never be a burden.
But I also advice mate that you seek a mental health professional as well. If im not mistaken you might suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Its common among service members to suffer PTSD when they return home after a tour. Please seek help immediately as it can be detrimental to your life.
I wish you nothing but the best, mate.
Koji holds some very valid points for you.
I would’ve thought that “Starlight” prior to discharge would’ve accommodated for the associated “baggage” from service overseas? Do you maintain contact with your VA office? I’m sure they’d provide assistance if you inquired about it.
Oh, gosh… I just realised how tasteless my reference to the Marine Corps was. Please, have pity on me.
…I’ll start peeling the spuds…
Hey RE,
Yeah the Brits are in the process of pulling out. My old regiment has just left for the ‘last’
tour. They are doing it in Kabul, so I’m quite relieved about that.
The SA80 isn’t bad. The A1 wasn’t good apparently but I never got to use it. I prefer M4 variants like Demarco as I prefer the even weight distribution and the weigh slightly less. My SA80 served me well on tour. I kept it well oiled and never got jamming. Don’t know the serial number. Lol, you must have had the same weapon for a long time mate.
Out minimi’s were 5.56 LMG’s. I never used the SA80 variant of the LSW as it just had a longer barrel with bipod. The only 7.52 we had in service at the time that I used was the GPMG ‘General’ or L7A2. Really effective piece of kit.
Forward as one, I think that’s right. I had my regiments traditions rammed into my head.
Thanks for your words. Where and when did you serve and who with?
Thank you for replying.
Don’t worry, I’m here to chat about anything. I am in constant state of emptiness ,inbetween bouts of anger and sadness, so talking about this with you is alright.
The Marines I met were great guys. I sometimes wished I could have joined them. But I’m not american.
I have tried to talk to some people close to me. They never know what to say and just act uncomfortable around me. I end up feeling worse for it. I find talking to strangers easier, if that makes sense. I have been in psychiatric care for 3 years diagnosed with PTSD and have been doing cognitive therapy and EMDR over the time. Some has helped some has not. I must have seen 7 different therapists in that time.
I discharged myself as I found myself going in circles. I took myself off medication because feeling tired all the time, though it make mood more constant for me, I need to walk and get out of the house.
Thanks again for your words
You served, only those that have an equal experience can understand. Me, 22 years U.S. Navy…I doesn’t matter what country you served for. We get institutionalized in general, if you’ve seen combat it’s worse. I haven’t seen battle, but I have been in a war. You and I are brothers.