so here i am fk my life story or the fact ive been suicidal 5 yrs from a broken heart and browsed this site im drunk enough now to go buy more drink and hang out in the woods i can do it im ready for it i know what it is but this whole time i didnt want to hurt my family now im ready to go i really want peace and have this bull shit family scenario hanging over me although they was the 1s that fked my heart ffs…….should i go do it 2nite????????
Just thought I’d add my story. I suffer from a neurological condition that means I’m in agony 24/7. I want to die more than anything I’ve ever wanted and I’ve tried to end my life a few times. However, I’ve now resolved to take one day at a time and not end my life. I know my family would be devastated, and I’m doing this for them.
I’d like to encourage other people to take the suffering upon themselves to save their family grief. It is possible to grit your teeth and focus solely on getting through the present day.
I hate it. I hate everyone. Especially myself.
I hate going to school, getting out of bed, putting on a fake smile and pretend to give a shit. I don’t do my homework because I’m too lazy, then I don’t want to go to school the next day because I haven’t done the work. I stopped trying a long time ago.
I hate sitting in class. I sit there, never knowing what the fuck the teacher is talking about. I don’t want to know anyways. I sit there, fake smile pasted on my face. Then I get an anxiety attack. Then I have to try not to […]
I’m physically and mentally tired of having to deal with everything. My foster parents hate the living day lights out of me and i’m constantly reminded by them about how useless i am. I’m told that i’m dumber than a brick everyday of my life and how i cannot achieve anything and will probably not ever be able to make any one proud. I try so hard to help people and make people proud of me but it’s not working. I’ve been bullied ever since 2nd grade and i’m in the 10th now and the hate is still going strong. yaaaaaaay…Â I’m not looking […]
Yesterday I had my evalution, about what I think if this therapy (MDFT) and how I’m doing. To make a lobg story short: everything is much more clear for me (NOT). I don’t know if I’m going to stop the MDFT right now, I don’t know if we’ll finish the MDFT later. The only thing I know is that they want that I get EMDR for my trauma, because they realized I do have a trauma. (Noo, are you serious? I didn’t knew that already! I’ve told you months ago!) But I don’t know where or when I’ll start with EMDR. Somewhere I really hope […]
and at 4:44 a.m. PST I was supposed to celebrate by putting my self out of this miserable existance. Due to funding issues I have to wait a while longer. It will be a belated gift but the best one I’ve ever received in 51 years. So when I blow out my candles today you will all know what I’m wishing for and the best thing is I know I’m going to get my wish.
I feel like I’m pushing myself too much.
Usually I get about 3-4 hours of sleep a night (with the lights on). For the past week, it’s been no sleep, and little 30 minute naps during the day.
I still go to the gym, I still do my homework, I still clean obsessively. My ocd is taking over me now too, it’s getting worse with the lack of sleep.
I get dizzy and I’ve always got a headache.
I’m pushing myself and I can’t stop.
I can’t get his face out of my head.
His bowl cut-bright blonde hair, deep green eyes and laugh that would light up a room. His excitable, 6 year-old body running around every coffee table and corner imaginable in our household. His love for soccer, friends, food, and life in general. He made everything fun and worth living, he was my little brother and he looked up to me.
At the time I was 8 years old, twelve years ago in August. He scored his first goal in his third game after practicing and screamed “YES!” while running up to me telling me he did it and […]
The reason I’m on this website is because one I’m too lazy to write my thoughts down on a piece of paper I’m worried someone will read, and two I don’t want to type something up because I’m also worried someone I know will read it.
I’m a sophomore in college, and have no idea what I want to do with my life. This sounds completely cliche, and not a big deal, but looking at my past in high school among everything else that’s happened it is far from cliche and closer to what-the-fuck how are you alive still?
Anyway, this feeling–this worthless hopeless hideous feeling that […]
Well, I’m not a monk. I am only 34, I can’t live life with no vice at all…. But it’s either that or continue to be impotent. This is a huge blow to my own self image too. I was a heavy pot head for over 20 yrs, this has been the one thing which gave me the strength to not give a fuck, until it made me impotent. So, I can either live like fucking Slim Body Good and live a boring fucking life, like straight edge ++++++, not even hardly able to sit down and enjoy a damn steak or hamburger and potato, […]
So this is kinda a long story. About 3 years ago my sister moved out when she was 17 because she got mad at my mom. She moved in with my moms mom (my grandma) which of course made my mom angry at her mom. My sister called CPS on my mom and the cops and everything all because she was mad. For several years I thought my sister and grandma were in the wrong for hurting my mom like they did. Things were never the same after that. Holidays weren’t holidays anymore. My mom was sad and depressed. She became angry and laid in […]
I have a date range when everything should fall into place. I even have a friend to help make sure everything goes smootly. But I am forced to wait until the middle of December. And I am so incredibly, unbelievably angry. I have moments…many throughout the day….when I am so mad that my body fights every breathe. Even it is sick at the idea of having to take in any more life. Mentally, I have been deceased for months. Nothing new has happened. My mind works itself into a lather with old memories, every single one of which is agonizing. Then after too much time, […]
I am working on establishing my own tech startup.
I am looking for a co-founder. any one interested?
suicide vs starting a company
Suicide: Your friends remember for a week, parents for a year, all world forgets, there will be no you. Thousands of people are dying every day ( japan tsunami, Philippines cyclone, lots of terrorist attacks around the world….you will be after all one of human among them, not a big difference)
Start a company with me: A last try to prove what a human being can do. Since i am also suicidal i know how it takes to be one. Everything is setup, all you has […]
i’m not sure how this works but ill share with you that I recently tried to commit suicide and i almost died and i was in the hosppital for about a week and then put into a msntal home and no one gave a fucking shit so i moved away from them all and no one misses me and i should of died because it eould of made no difference and i hate the world bye
I’m not here to complain but I’m here to ask why. Everyone pretends to understand my situation but they have no idea. Confession: I’m gay. That is the first time I have ever told anyone that. I’m 15, and I live with my two parents. Both of them are anti-homo-sexual activists. Whenever they see it, they say “I’ll never understand that. It’s disgusting.” I always smile sadly and agree. I don’t think anyone knows and I don’t want anyone to know. attempted suicide twice, cut every night and I’m pretty sure I have Multiple personity disorder. I think so wrong and no one even knows […]
Living alone sucks. . . I don’t just mean in a place by myself, I mean literally the essence of living and being alone. I thought maybe I didn’t try to associate with people. But when I do I get blown off. Make plans, “yeah we can hang” still sitting here alone
Why do I wait? No one is waiting for me. . . For some reason these days I’m dropping back to the grey nothingness. . . This is when I’m most suicidal. I’m counting the days, how long can I last by myself. Not like there would be a lot of people who […]
I’m 14 years old.. i know that’s really young. But I’ve been hospitalized 5 times this whole year. I’ve attempted suicide 10 times. everything is so hard. I try so hard to be happy.. that’s all I want! is too be happy.. I have no friends in high school. my dad hates me.. i know he does because he told me. he said I was a mistake.. that I cause too much problems for him. i never meant to cause problems for my parents. my mom suffers because of me. it’s so hard to go on anymore. I’ve self-harmed since the 4th grade. “Sarahi, kill yourself […]
Question, roughly how many who’ve come here actually went through with it?
by Snake5422000
by Snake5422000
I mean obviously, if they went through with it, they wouldn’t be here posting…. But I’m sure if some of them did. there are probably some people on here who can stand witness. Perhaps they’ve known some of those people, even if only from on this forum…. I suspect that there are some here (I won’t name anyone or point anyone out– I doubt I could yet anyhow, I haven’t been here that long, but even if I could I’m not trying to stir anything up here) who are just sort of emo and looking for kicks and drama, but I am curious how many […]
I always tell myself that I’m ready to go,
That I’m ready to die,
But I never have the guts to handle it myself.
I wish I did.