I’m planning it. I feel like I’m in control, something is being done about this pain. I feel relief now, it’s even better than cutting. The weight is off my shoulders.. Knowing the day is coming very soon. I know I won’t be missed at this point, and that gives me the courage to put myself in the ground.

Fear of death is, by itself, not a sufficient enough reason to live. Is it?

I wish i could just disappear and finally be free from all the pain

It’s kind of funny. There are a lot of people who legitimately cannot use the feet and the legs they are given, and yet they keep struggling to move forward. But I, who have perfectly working feet and strong legs to carry me forwards, am unable to do so. I’m still trapped with my incompetence and inability to stand up for myself. I would fear that I’ll never move away from this cage I’m in, but I’ve long accepted it as fact. I can’t even bring myself to yearn for freedom anymore. And all I can do is cry.

Today I cut deeper and deeper into my flesh.

The deeper I went the more alive I felt.

Once I was done I looked down at my arm.

it was dripping.

drip.

drip.

drip.

all red.

All swollen.

I was hoping for death.

didnt cut deep enough.

next time.

next time though.

next time I will make it to death.

cant wait till next time.

So I have an interview for an overnight job.
I honestly couldn’t be more excited.
I mean, I’m already working one job and going to school, but maybe by working so much, I’ll finally be free from my own mind. I’ll be so distracted from the pain that I can finally breathe again. I didn’t cut the other night and I am proud of myself, however miniscule the act.
I don’t know why I keep coming back here. I have no purpose here anymore…

Email:kenzie.fallenangel33@gmail.com feel free to email me because I will listen and try to help. I promise. No judgement here.

i just want to disappear.

Even though I’ve had my reasons, I still don’t know why I’ve felt so unhappy all of this time, why I’ve never been a friend to myself.

I am a huge disappointment to my past and present self, and my dysfunctional-but-loving family…

In retrospect, despite my flaws, I was pretty cool as a kid, I think. I should’ve given myself a chance…

I am in my mid 20s.

I don’t have my driver’s license yet.

I have little to no work experience or college education.

I have absolutely no friends, not even acquaintances. I hung around a few of my classmates during my younger years, but they were more like acquaintances […]

I feel like slitting every visible area of skin open just to watch the blood pour out and hope that I bleed out. Leave everyone with a better life. Get out of this place, I just…I can’t.

Have any of you ever wondered if you know someone on this site, but don’t know it’s them? Some random person with a made up username might be someone you personally know who is having the same issues you are. I feel like it would be really helpful to not go through this alone. That being said, I know I probably don’t actually know any of you, but just in case, my names Austin. This way everybody I actually know doesn’t have to know, and maybe somebody with the same issues will find me. Kind of a long-shot, but it can’t hurt, right?

I could do it…

It would be so easy..

Everyone thinks I’m fine..happy..

No one suspects a thing…

I could sit in the bathroom and just cut..

I take long in the shower anyways..by the time they figure it out..

I’ll be gone..

I could pop pills till I can’t anymore…

There’s enough medicine at home to…

So what’s holding me back??

Won’t they all be better off?

Why am I still being selfish and living…and ruining everything..??

is not a sign of weakness but rather that you have been strong for far too long.

It feels like it gets better sometimes but then I just think about where I am in my life and what I want and there seems to be such a gap. I’m not without my talents and I’ve got decent enough looks but it seems I cannot connect with anyone in any notable way. My friends around me tell me things, sometimes try to make me feel better, but its like their words are whipping by me in a wind tunnel.

I age and age, and there are less and less places for me to fit in and feel comfortable. I wish I could put it […]

I got arrested last week for masturbating in a public mall. I face up to 6 years in prison.

Failed again. Got a large scab four inches long vertically on my wrist. Don’t know if I’m doing it wrong or if I just need to go deeper but can’t cause of my own fears.

I just can’t tell if there is something that I am unconsciously living for or if I just screw up when trying. There is nothing that I can point out that I am living for, nothing that is stopping me really.

I’ll think about it but will probably give it another go in a couple of days to a week.

I’m not doing this anymore. I’m done with living. I have pushed myself way to far. I wanted to be dead a long time ago. I don’t know why I kept on breathing. Cutting helped for a bit. Now I want more.

anyone know in Australia if i can just go to a local gp or medical center to get prescribe anti-depressants from a normal doctor?

The classical suicide, to fall on your sword.  People don’t have swords anymore, I’ve never even seen one except in the movies.  But it’s part of historical literature.

Shakespeare: For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin?          bodkin = dagger

Also Juliet stabbing herself with Romeo’s dagger

Saul’s suicide in the Bible: Then Saul said to his armorbearer, “Draw your sword, and thrust me through with it, […]

dear R,

i’m sorry. i can’t give up on us. i can’t stop thinking of you. i need you, i miss you, don’t give up on me. please, i need you. i don’t think i’ll ever be happy without you. please, come back. i’m sorry, but please stop ignoring me. please stop hurting me. i’m so hurt and i can’t breathe. please talk to me. what if i never find love? what if you’re all i have? what if no one ever loves me the way i love them? we could have made it. but you gave up. you loved me the way i love you. […]