This isn’t directed towards anyone. It’s an overall statement.

I’m not Tryna be rude or offend anyone here. But statements that people have made about suicide, depression & cutting are starting to piss me off. I get it, there are people out there who have it ten times worse then I do. I get it that there’s starving kids in third world countries. People wishing and dreaming of a life like ours. To have food on the table, clothes, clean water & other necessary things to survive. But DARE any of you say that we should not be depressed. Or think about suicide or cut ourselves […]

Fuck it. I dont even have the energy right now.to post a rant…

Since I have updated on here. Believing someone actually reads my posts, and gives a damn about them, or me. Humor, in my own way. I felt the need to update, in between my sessions of binge drinking. You want to know a wonderful fact? Vodka is good. Vodka is damn good. And whoever said alcohol doesn’t fix anything, clearly wasn’t drunk enough. I have given up entirely. There’s just no point any more. There really isn’t. What will it get me? I’m done trying because all it ever does is leave me broke or broken. And I just want to find a reason to […]

Today I’m going to try to kill myself. If I die I die if I live I live. I don’t care about my life anymore. My sister and my dad are mad at me. My sister said me being depressed isn’t an excuse for me to “not take life seriously”. This morning I was so upset because my dad yelled at me and I started to realize that he doesn’t care about me. When he yells at me he doesn’t care about my feelings or what I think.He’s a physically and mentally abusive person and get’s mad very easily. I’m sorry but I can’t live like this; […]

“after the bombings people had one of two types of courage…either the courage to live….or the courage to die”

This just really resonated with me for some reason

Today I feel a little better about myself..
not the greatest..

But decent enough to function.

Does  that count for anything?

I hope.

…therefore I from now on view all males as evil, sex-obsessed douchebags, who spoil life’s only redemption, love, by feigning it in order to have sex.

Therefore, I’m becoming a stripper. It’s not like men respect me when I take time to befriend them, am educated, work hard, and dress modestly. I might as well beat them at their own selfish game. Not even that, but, all of the love, romance, and sweet hope I had kept in my heart for an honest gentle man, is gone. I’m jaded. As far as I’m concerned the last decent man died in a car crash six months ago.

I […]

Thought things were looking up but, it was all an illusion.

All I wanted was a true love that stayed, someone to embrace and give life meaning. But, man after man, date after date, I’ve given my trust to, to be used and returned to loneliness.

My therapy sessions have become philosophical debates: I, citing evidence as to why I have reasons to be so unhappy and worthless; her, telling me its simply the thoughts in my head and I can change in time.

Really? These men leaving me like trash, the missed phonecalls, being ignored by someone who lives in my same 6 unit apartment building, is […]

yeah i need to say this news. couples die in accident by train while making sex on train rail.actually only the woman die.the guy lost his legs.so sad.:(well summery=some lucky people die having sex=p no actually compare your suicide death with thiers.

So that happened again. i stumbled to it, or rather say it stumbled to me, again. have i got anything? have i learned anything this time? i have, as always, but what does it matter? this impenetrable web of life is still impenetrable. can i produce that state again? all i can do is think and will…all that it leaves behind is memories. and what does that matter…all that is part of this web. and part cannot rebel against whole. all it can do is “think” of rebelling, but it can never rebel…all it can do is “think” of getting out, but it can never […]

Lately I have been feeling better, I guess. I dropped some people in my life, they caused my excess pain, that I didn’t need. They were like chains, holding me down. I have begun a routine of self appreciation, after so long, of hating myself…. Treating myself to spa nights with friends I’ve pushed away, has improved my social skills, I hope. Trying to re-build friendships I’ve broken down out of pure pain. Having some people around me helps me quite a bit. I have started trying to surround myself with positive things, the best I can.

I have no idea how […]

By the name of solace. I emailed her several months back and we started talking regularly, and became friends. I talked to her on Skype all the time, and she was online just about every day. Then she suddenly disappeared. It’s been over a month since she’s been online, and I’ve since emailed her twice with no response. At first I tried not to worry and assumed her computer broke or something. But now it’s been too long and I’m starting to fear the worst. She was the first person I’ve ever been able to be completely open with and now she might be gone for good, and […]

She closes her pale blue eyes alone to see crimson red as the tears of blood run down her cheeks. The blood tears drop down into the water much like the unbearable grains of sand in the hour glass of time. Each drop of blood scatters in the water. The water raffles as the blood scatters. Then the young girl drops to her knees in the freezing snow that covers the grass. Now the snow is becoming stained with the crimson red tears of betrayal. What was once pure has now been tainted with the sin of […]

October 14th is when it will all happen. I’ve organized my entire room today and have started on the so called “goodbye letters.” My therapist called me today after an email I had sent her and I’ll be seeing her this Wed. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her on the phone, but I will when we see each other. I know she will try to talk me out of it, but it won’t work. She’s been so wonderful and helpful but there’s no fixing me. So why should I go on at all?? There are things that I’ll miss from life of course, but […]

Normally I wouldn’t wouldn’t do this type of stuff..

But I could use some advice from someone..

If you have a kik..

perfectly_dead is mine.

you are here – but you aren’t.

the ultimate bliss may touch you, and yet, you’ll remain still and letargic. you won’t feel any happiness. nor pain. you’ll feel nothing. you’ll fell void. hollow.

you may want to dive into the world of displeasures to find out something new, something capable to break you monotonous and obvious routine. finding pleasure below the pleasure.

i used to love, when i hit the wall i learn to love violence, hate, and evil things. those things used to bring me the surprise of novelty, the flavor of something never tasted before. and it tasted good. it wouldn’t matter what the hell […]

That’s what I tell my fish when I get home from work!

It’s a shame to be human these days when so much is expected of us. We have to go through life pretending to be superior as a species when all we are is just food for thought.

If I was a fish, I wouldn’t consider anything a human had to say! I would just swim and eat and sleep when the light turns out. If only I could just be a fish, letting my owner take care of me till my short little life is over. Nothing more would be expected of me […]

is there a junkie here willing to help me to deal with my family?

i would like to know what kind of relationship this type of person has to his family.

it’s killing me.

all i want now is some money to buy drugs.

life is shit.

   I hope i can keep my eyes open until i die.

Its odd knowing you only have 840 hours left till you die….seems like a long time but not really……. the last September and October I’ll ever experience….. its not really a bad feeling….it leans more toward anxious…only regret that I have is that a Time Machine wasn’t invented during my lifetime…. or at least a machine that let you watch your memories as movies….. although there are a few things I’ll miss about life…..

NCIS
Cookies and cream Ice cream
My dog lexi
Halloween during childhood
The years 1998-2004
Ms.Lagrange
and Childhood…..