I know how to fix my problems. I’ve even written out, step-by-step, how to beat this thing. But every time I look at my to-do list, I’m overcome with a sense of “why bother?” and I’ve never been able to answer that question.

Even worse, the things on my list, while being relatively simple, are very painful for me (such as calling people on the phone). So we have no motivation plus absolute dread of the task.

For what? So that some day I can look back on my life and say that I survived?
That and 50c will get you a cup of coffee.

Totally random video […]

You just know when it’s time. Time to give in. You feel it coming and soon, your soul and heart ache for an end.

Wish my life and all of those who suffer alike me didn’t exist. I wish it was all a dream.. Wish I didn’t want to rip my chest apart so the pain would stop.
Gasp* One of those nights.

how in a world where all you see everyday is stupidity mounted upon stupidity are there some people who just so incomprehensibly (is this a word?) perfect that it makes you want to cry……….. then you can’t decide whether you want to try your hardest to be like them or just try to be with them as long as you can

Everyone I try to make friends with leaves. I’m always a second fucking choice and it really pisses me off because I know I’m a good friend, but nobody cares about me. I am so tired of being lonely and ignored and overlooked all the time. I just want to have a friend, that actually cares about me. And everyone just thinks “oh she’ll be fine.“ My parents especially. They’ve always paid attention to my brothers because I’ll be just fine.. And I’m not fucking fine. I’m trying so hard to hold it together but Goddammit why doesn’t anyone care about me?!! My mom thinks […]

Not never ever far away from my fucking home and everything I knew

Little goals that keep you going week to week, month to month, even year to year.

Just a couple from me…

1. Find out if Taylor Swift ever finds “the one” or admits she’s the problem

2. The Walking Dead return

3. Christmas/winter in general

4. See what baby George looks like as he grows into a human

Days pass. Feelings change. Urges remain the same.

Empty voices, echoing tragic lines, over and over and over.

It’s not enough. It’s not enough. It’s never enough.

With eyes wide open, I blindly stumble through.

Gun loaded. Knife sharpened. Prescriptions filled.

What’s a man supposed to do.

Sorry, but I don’t understand where this came from, and I don’t really see how this can help me feel better. My high school experience has been at an all-girls Catholic school, so there’s plenty of close-mindedness in existence. Everyone does, what they call, “the worshipping of the false god of grades,” and are more than willing to give up their social lives “to please their parents.” I would never do that. I’ll work hard enough but I am tired of thinking I have to always worry about what others, including my parents and teachers will think of me academically and what the other students […]

I just get annoyed when people think that as long as you have a loving family and a house over your head, you have no business being depressed. It’s way more complicated than that. for someone growing up a gay teen in a strongly heterosexual world and hearing about kids killing themselves because of bullying for being LGBT, it’s tough living. To hear people talking about how LGBT’s shouldn’t be allowed to get married or be couples is not easy. You really just want to yell at them, but you have to hide it because who knows what would happen “if someone found out.” My […]

Tonight, I just sat on my porch, drinking. I’m not hammered or drunk. I drank a beer or two. I stayed out there for an hour with my friend, and we just talked. We discussed my moving situation. I’m in my home town right now, visiting and figuring out whether I want to stay in St. Louis or move back here. She helped me decide that I’d stay in St. Louis until winter holiday, and then I’ll move back out here. I’m glad I finally made my decision.

She left at about nine, and I sat out by myself for another few hours. I just thought […]

Hi. It has been 3 years of constant downfall with my family. I am 19 years old, and somehow cannot seem to do anything right. I have tried running many business that involve things that I am good at. I try and create things a lot, and I am big into innovation. But my biggest problem is somewhere during my junior year of highschool I just gave up. There has been so many bad things in my life, that I just cant explain, but I am here now, and I honestly just want to legitimately die. I dont think I have enough in me yet […]

A recent comment on one of my posts was questioning my reasons for feeling suicidal, saying things along the lines of “you have a loving family and many would kill to have that,” and just plain old “I don’t understand.” That person meant well, but that really did make me feel insignificant. Alright sure, I do have parents and family that care about my wellbeing, and many people on here don’t have that, but we still have the same feelings of wanting to end our lives at times. That’s what we come on here to talk about. We don’t come on here to compete over […]

Its been a year since I last posted on this announcing my final day on this god forsaken earth. But as you can see it didn’t go quiet as to plan. I took a large dosage of mixed pills, slit my wrists in a cold bath and awaiting my end, only to wake up a few days later in hospital.

That was a year and 2 days ago now. Surely I should have overcome all of it, but the same problems have snuck up to me and more. When I wrote on this first I was nothing but a teenage wreck, living in the bit of […]

I love watching the food network because 1. I have no life and tv is my friend and 2. Who doesn’t love looking at foodporn?

But lately I get uncomfortable with certain shows because they just thrive on being mean. On this show, Restaurant:Impossible, it seems like this guy is trying to imitate Chef Ramsay and it’s making me really uncomfortable. I just hate when people are mean to each other. Even though it’s already been filmed, I still cringe when he’s ripping someone apart and can’t imagine how that would feel. Also, Chopped is so thrilling, watching them try and put together a meal on […]

I don’t know what to do.
You say I love you
I say it too

Then you want it to be over
And for us to be ‘friends’
Please don’t hide behind that cover

I let you in
I told you things
Now I feel I’ve been chucked in the bin

You told me what’s wrong
You opened up
Was it a lie all along?

I love you more than words can describe
But I don’t want to be a part of your lie

Whoever’s reading this don’t stop. I’m a 12 year old girl from a little town in Kent, England called Dover. I tried to run myself over back in May, but now I’ve stopped. My mum told me to think of other people’s point of view, what would of happened if it was a single mum with her children driving home from picking them up from school and she ran me over, she wouldn’t of known it wasn’t her fault, she would of been the one who would of been charged with murder. Imagine that woman and how she would of felt. Imagine how my mum would of […]

“You kind of screwed everything up.”
“You’re the problem”
“This is why we don’t want you here.”

I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m trying my hardest to find peace and happiness. I’m trying to do what’s right for me, but that’s not a popular decision.

Last week I made the choice to leave the university I was attending for a community college near my home. I’m still going to become a nurse, it’s just a different path. I didn’t want to move back into my house, but my parents made me. I wanted to move in with my grandpa, he has […]

Is it someone thinking of me?

If I die will someone miss me?

why am I here?

Is there a God? If you exist why you dont hear me?

:'(