In 3rd grade, I was told by my doctor that I had anxieties. I was going home from school everyday sick to my stomach due to my constant worrying. My father hadn’t contacted me in awhile and it was the first thing that had me worried so bad at a young age. I was making myself really sick and I’d have panic attacks. As I got older, I struggled with more teenage problems. My anxieties were at an ultimate high. I’m sixteen years old and can barely drive a car because I get worried about everything I’m doing and I have a panic attack and […]

Down in lines across the veins
It runs, drips and drains

Singing songs of total despair
the feeling one cannot compare

Euphoria down deep to the bone
drops drying in a new tone

Writing words at time with fright
a crimson flow my greatest delight

Letting out my fears
this has gone on without tears

Often scars happen at night
in day realize i’m not alright

Initiating relief slowly getting harder
life alone worse than a martyr

Pools of water stained with red
i’m alive, i never wanted to do what i did

I may be because i’ve already died
or it might be i’m Broken Inside

The […]

I hate it when people say: ‘suicide isn’t the answer, life gets better’…..

(if suicide isn’t the answer then someone plz tell me what the f#ck the answer is

my life isn’t guaranteed to get better believe me my life can get worst )

I hate it when people say: ‘people who commit suicide are cowards’

(people who commit suicide are some of the bravest people yet I bet if people had to put up with half the things suicidal people go through they’d go crazy)

I hate it when people say: ‘don’t kill yourself you have so much to live for’

(some people are poor, homeless, have no family , […]

Sometimes I ask myself why am I here… sometimes I ask myself what is the point of living…. when you have no hopes or dreams , or future who do you turn to? a blade maybe? perhaps a razor? If you cry no one will have to know…if you cut yourself no one will have to see your scars…who am I? what made me the way I am now….why must life bully me? why can’t I be pretty? or rich? how can I tell someone what’s wrong with me…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

1 I only have 2 friends (well kinda 3 )

2 I have low self esteem (I’m worthless)

3 […]

2 years clean and i finally broke down.  My wrists have so many scars on them its….its funny…

I claimed insanity today..I cut my arms and laughed as the blood slowly came out. I threw my head back and laughed.

I dont cut deep enough to drip blood..just enough to leave a mark.

closed my eyes and keep picturing me as a little kid. running through the grass with my arms open wide my head held high…laughing

I posted my picture of my cuts because to me its a pretty picture..but no one else thinks so…their all mad at me and it just makes me cut more.

ask me why […]

You messed with my heart.

I can no longer be your friend.

You say your sorry, but your not… You’re only saying those things for her.

She cares,  she’s my friend.

She knows you hurt me.  So she told you to say sorry.

You say you’re cruel but I don’t think so. You were so nice.

But I have to say goodbye.

My hands are shaking. My heart is breaking. I know I’ve lost you. You say I’ve moved on but I know I haven’t. I’m just not okay. I’m not happy. I’m not.. ANYTHING. I have my rope, waiting to slip around my neck and for me to take that plunge.. And I feel numb. Nothing. I know I hate myself. I know a lot of things. But nothing compares to the knowledge of my love for you. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s the truth. You are my soul mate and I will die without you. I can’t talk to you because you freak […]

How many of us continue to struggle and suffer in a place we no longer want to be? How many of us have tried therapy, medication, family, friends, and religion only to realize that you still want to leave this world? Most of us know how we want to go and when we want to go, but have that one thing that keeps us from moving toward peace… our families. If we could just cover up the fact that we committed suicide and make it look natural or accidental, we’d probably take that final step toward death. If this is not your situation or concern […]

I feel like taking a boat from dover to calais and halfway jumping of late at night i know its a sure way to go and i wont be able to turn back or i can get some scuba diving equipment and swim out to sea then maybe take some drug that will put me right to sleep so i dont wake up. I once bought a charcoal grill and was gonna put that in a van but dont think that will work. I dont mind teaming up with someone or if someone can supply me with some drugs that will poison me.

I do like […]

School starts back soon.

I’m not ready… I don’t even have binders and folders yet. I’m so lame.

I’ll be laughed at for having the same back-pack for 2 years.

I’ll fail at my classes because I’m not smart enough.

I’ll go back in depression for not having any one to talk to.

I’ll have to eat by myself, or with my brother and his friends that think I’m dumb.

I don’t want to go back to that hell hole.

I hate it.

Dear, “Friend.”
It hurts.
You’re my friend, or at least I thought you were…
I’m not a toy that you can use.
I have feelings.
You are not here when I need you, you don’t care.
When I cry out for help, you act like you didn’t hear.
You call me a loner, but I’m trying to talk.
But you wont let me… You’re scared of me leaving.
I’m a loner.
I’m a weirdo.
I’m nothing.
I’m a *****.
Oh, It hurts.
Keep calling me names, It will only make me worse.
You say you’re kidding, just playing around.
But look closer at me what […]

She sat in her small chair
while the pair of glasses
with the big desk
scribbled notes.

Not heart words,
though she tried to show him,
tried to take him with her
to her blue-green world.

All he could create
was black marking on a page.
Not her page,
her world.

So she simply decided
to stop speaking,
fearing he would scribble more
plastic words
trying to make sensible something

nameless

something that floated her away
in the night.

I have been through a lot but mainly it’s been all in my head but I’m proud that I’m here still, alive and fighting! Each day is a struggle but there are moments in each day that I am thankful to have been their to experience it. Hope is that glimmer of light in the dark tunnel, that peace of mind that you get once in a while and most importantly “tomorrow”. I’ve cried myself to sleep most nights and I’ve even had no sleep once but through it all I was just happy to be alive. Pain is a good thing because it means […]

Help me…. Please?

I know genreally pill overdoses fail and such but mine is well backed up my extensive research so its not a option. I know there is the chance i will end up in hostipal in agnosing pain as my liver will be completly destroyed after 200 pills of these kind but thats a risk im willing to take. Hanging was my go to for a long time but I just cant bare for my parents to hear “your daughters hung herself” its just too brutal exleast this way they will get to be by my bedside in hostipal. It pains me to be typing this […]