Just recently I’ve had these thoughts I’ve felt so empty insistent no one can help me is what I feel I have been through hell and back In my life when I was little I was abused in more ways than one by my biological father and then ever since I’ve gotten older I’ve been made fun of for everything about me I just recently found out my papa has lung cancer and every one in my family hates the one I truly love I am always being bitched at for.things I shouldn’t get yelled at for I take care of a kid that’s not […]

as a person I can generally endure alot losing friends, doing bad in school, arguments with my family, deadlines, a slowly declining bank account and other daily stresses i can survive a lot on my own but today everything kindof just got to me a litl bit. Today i felt my heart seriously racing im not even exagerrating it got to the point where i thought i was gona hav a heart attack. Im on the skinny side too it wasnt really due to physiological causes it was mostly just me getting to that level of stress. im striving to b a doctor/surgeon n im […]

Very often, in fact, my normal state, I wake up feeling afraid of what I am going to have to do next. The way in which I am going to expose my self to threats and porbably meet pain & suffering. This makes me feel that I want to suicide quickly, I feel hopless, that I am better off not alive anymore.

I have to do this things that make me feel in danger.

Well, my friend wants me to try shrooms with him and i don’t know if i should or not. im not afraid of being fucked up im afraid of what actions i might act on that are in my head.. whether it be harming myself or finally snapping and going off on some “friends”
im afraid the thoughts in my mind will turn into reality and then ill be trapped in my own helish […]

At a very young age, at about 7, I accepted that, in my words and thoughts at the time, “sometimes other people will have what you aren’t meant to”. At the time, I was referring to far simpler things, yet still…. despite feeling very deprived, I struggled on trying to get what I could out of life. Life never seemed to give me back anything for my trying.

See…. by 3 years old, I had already had the skin of my hands boiled off. I don’t remember the event itself, but I sure remember the way my hands looked afterward. I also remember the fact […]

suicide is a never ending cycle.

first it starts with anxiety, you cant handle it, you starting having bad thoughts, sad thoughts, thoughts that wont leave your head and before long youre hurting yourself. then after youve hurt yourself you get anxious again because you know you shouldnt have done it, and that makes you upset. its a cycle and its vicious

theres only on way to break the cycle

dose anyone feel like its the end like its the end i dont know how to desrcibe it but i feel really nervous about everyhting and i realzie iam a huge fuck up will i ever get my shit right ever i dont want to go on here and sound like a huge big baby but honstley i think iam getting to the point were iam ready there are certain things i have to do to get ready but idk it really dosent scare me as much as other people i mean its going to happen to evryone anyways so yea i just know iam […]

my mom and i made up i guess. she started bitching at me after i helped her with video taping something and she told me that she is relieved im leaving. idk it hurt that she thinks that im such a bad person and im really trying… today i started talking about stuff with my friends mom that i used to be really close to. its the first time seeing her in ages. it felt good to talk to someone but i think somehow she knew i was lying about being better and she looked worried when i told her i took myself off my […]

You think
Every second
Every minute
In your sleep
In you dreams
All the time

When you think
Do think about me
When you dream
Is it me you see
In your mind
I am quit ugly
I see it when you look at me

Your thoughts consume
You tend to stare
What thoughts are beneath
your pretty hair
Ones of love
Or ones of hate
Ones of us on a date

Your quit a bother
Because I care
I tend to wonder if I’m in there
And if I am
And its me you see
Am I drop dead gorgeous
Or just ugly the way i tend […]

Just actually sit down to think about it
Love is a myth and you can live with out it
Love and pain go hand and hand
If you cant see it why believe you can
You want to see you want to believe
In your heart its not make believe
Use your mind your heart’s deceived
By the one called your hearts thieve
In the end why feel the pain
From the myth love let your mind restrain
To let your heart be broken and stained
Is a huge risk and in the end what do you gain
When you think your in love
Fall […]

Roses are red
Violets aren’t blue
My hurt skips beats
When I’m with you
Your eyes so big
My heart so blue
You can not see
It yearns for you
Blind to it
I know its true
But god almighty
I wish he knew
Every second I think of you
Thoughts are endless they hurt too
Like a twisting rode
Plunged threw my heart
We are forever
Ment to be apart
Not gods will
Your just to smart
Relationships
All ways tend to part
So we stay friends
Makes my heart depart
But friends are forever
that’s a start
If one day you should change […]

This is a depressing world we live in….a very depressing world one I cant bare to live in one I wont bare to live in…but im a bad person and bad people belong in this hell…I belong in this hell….I hurt everybody with my words…my touch….my everything wonder if anyone else realizes that they already live in hell hell cant get much worse then planet earth…I hate myself people hate me but who gives a fuck right……..who…really….gives….a….fuck!!!!!!!!!!!….the world is filled with disappointments im just another one of them ill live………..ill die……….but I swear to my lord and savior I wont multiple….why bring something in this […]

It’s my first post here, I must admit that I don’t know why should I bother doing this given that nobody gives a fuck what I do. I want to fall asleep and never wake up, I’m one of the worst persons that ever lived, I’ve made a lot of people suffer and most of them hate me. I think I shouldn’t be alive, that way the world would be a much better place, I can’t think why I could make the difference here, nobody will miss me. I’m that guy that walks alone with his head down, who people never talk to, I don’t […]

Hello im waste2304

I honestly don t know why im ganna air all this out here but i guess i hope i can help someone else see it the way i do today i signed up for this site because i need someone…anyone to listen to me i mean im going so crazy and i just need somebody who wont judge me to please just listen to me….every since i was 13 ive attempted to hurt myself a multitude of times…it made all the pain just go away…the depression was killing me and still does till this day…and people say they understand but they truly will […]

Hes the one guy ive loved unconditionaly, stupid sying that since in merely 16. we nerve kissed or talked much. but he fixed me, i could trut him. Then he left, just vanished without saying good bye. i started breaking again, everything went wrong but i was on my own, found that cutting helped ( yes stupid old lovesick naive idiot that i was) a year later he emailed me, we talked and he said he still loved me… i let my guard down, i wanted to feel again, i believed it. then he vanished again, a month letter i found out he’d been engaged. […]

ive learnt how to block everything up now, not to say how you really feel… people honestly dont care. but im just writing here because i need to get it out, as soon as i speak about stuff i close up and change the subject but writing it, i can cry as much as i want and still its all comprehensible.ok my life is great, my parents care about me, im a scholar with a grade 8 for LAMDA and % for theory of music. I have a passion; horses, everything to do with being outside, nature, science, english lit and lang.
But i hate […]

I am so lost. I dont know what to do. I cant do anythign right, and everyone around me knows it. I fail a everything I do. I thought college would make me happier but honestly it has made things worse. I am even closer to the family i hate, and all my friends that i loved are now gone. One of the only people that i am stuck here with is the girl that broke my heart. We are friends but deep down I care a lot about her when we never even kissed, went out or talk that much. It is something that […]

I haven’t written for awhile. Im doing this from my iPad something’s happened. Someones told me again that I mean nothing. I mean he made me get very upset, he wanted to come see me, I wasn’t sure, i told him I wasn’t, because I’m so messed up right now, and he got angry,  cold, stone cold. But I was crying and looking at the kitchen knives and he practically laughed, and said he was busy, basically that He has a life. I know how pathetic this sounds, but noe Iwant to, I’m thinking of really doing this.

people told me he is a psychopath, that […]

Eleven years. It’s been eleven years since I’ve had control over my emotions. Since I have felt any sense of normalcy or joy.

Medication after medication. None of them have worked.

Electro shock therapy. Gave me six months of relief before I relapsed, and my psychiatrist is convinced that the habits and anxiety and addictions that I never used to have before the ECT would have happened anyway. When I went through the treatment, I had no memory of anything for months straight. I forgot how to drive, where I was half the time, and each session was nightmarish.

Speaking of my psychiatrist, since I’ve started seeing him, […]

It’s hard to say what I feel now(like always) but,I want to tell somebody cause I can’t keep it inside anymore…It kills me,I’m destroying everything.I want to scream and let that thing get out from me forever.I think about suicide every time,but I don’t wanna hurt my parents,they made for me much! In my school I’m just another “Looser”…It don’t wanna feel this way …..I don’t want to live,I have no reasons to live for…..I feel empty inside,that intolerable pain….I’m broken,broken is what I am………