Hello im waste2304
I honestly don t know why im ganna air all this out here but i guess i hope i can help someone else see it the way i do today i signed up for this site because i need someone…anyone to listen to me i mean im going so crazy and i just need somebody who wont judge me to please just listen to me….every since i was 13 ive attempted to hurt myself a multitude of times…it made all the pain just go away…the depression was killing me and still does till this day…and people say they understand but they truly will never understand…through out my sixteen years of life ive been Bullied…picked on…ignored…hurt…and just cant handle it…ive honestly been through so much…my dad hated me so much he left me at four months….my mother was so wrapped….up in tryin to keep my brother out of trouble she still to this day doesnt noticed how much i hate life….how angry i am….how much i hate people……i asked myself everyday…out of all the angels in heaven why was i the one sent to earth to be tainted….why was i the one…who had to be cast here…theres no hell worse then planet earth…theres no evil worse then a human…and nothing hurts worse then depression…i imagine my death quit often…but while it looks like an outlet…i feel so selfish…i think about how it could effect others thats the only reason im alive today….im so angry…im angry that im such a coward…but every time i imagine my mom finding me dead i see her face in my mind and i cant help but hate myself…i wish i could stop thinking for five minutes sometimes and just do it…at least get to a point where i cant turn back where nobody can stop me…my mind feels like a room with no door….a grave…and while i have tempting thoughts…i dont think i could ever go through with it…with the thought of hurting…the only people i love…id rather the suffering…id rather be angry…id rather live…then to hurt them….
I think your at the perfect age where you can give yourself the right direction and discipline to follow through with the things in your life that makes you happy and does the greatest good for you, your family, and your future. You need to be your own hero and do the things your hero would do in this life. And have tolorance for others, no one is perfect. We need to show compassion for each other. Hope you find your true strength. Keep fighting!
Hey waste2304, I’m treceoncedoce, I just read what you wrote, I read that you don’t think that nobody will ever understand so i won’t say that I did, because everyone has a different story, but I know how is feeling that way, that if you don’t come back one day no one will ever notice, and hating yourself so much, and getting pain to get rid of it, it feels kind of hypocritical telling you to look up because I myself don’t have any hopes regarding anything, but please don’t kill yourself, just keep it coming, I’m sure even at least here you’ll find something.
Thank you very much…that really did help 🙂
P.S. it good to know im not alone you seem like a great person and you have a purpose all good people have a purpose 🙂
im here to listen waste. I read through it and I feel your pain. I see myself as part angel and sometimes it feels we just dont belong on this earth. like we were pure but now we are broken vessels. i see your heart. theres so much than what meets the eye. you’re not weak. the fact that we are all still here speaks of a strength immeasurable. keep on fighting and fighting and fighting and hopefully one day you will reach the surface of the waves keeping you down.
You are great thank you (: