I hate my doctor at the therapy. He really thinks he understands me completely. Actually he doesn’t. He was like, when you feel you need to cut, go to your therapists or your parents. Could you make that promiss with me? He really doesn’t understand. I tried to explain, but still he doesn’t understand that I’m too scared to do that, and that I’m in a kind of trance when I cut. It’s really frustrating when people think they understand you, but actually they don’t.
Why?
Why can’t I face my problems?
Why must I always hide?
Why must I always lose trac of my effort? dammit why?
No matter what it is, no matter what I do, no matter what I was thinking barely seconds before, why must I always deviate from what I’m doing???
Whether studies, sports or whatever the hell I actually do nowadays, I just don’t seem to care, I just let myself surf the flow of the waves of thought instead of maintaining my course.
And, when I realise it, its always too late, relationships always destroyed, failing grades, competitions lost.
Every-fucking-one of my teachers or guardians or bosses are angry at […]
I sat there on the side of slop. The summer wheat swayed in the wind as I watched the sunset. I relaized that the world is full of beauty and I am nothing. I hung my head and realized, no one really listens, no one gets it. This hurt inside me is so deep, so painful, so incredibly numbing, that it goes on the lingering for suicide anymore. I simply don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I live, I don’t care if I die. I simply perform like an actor. If the program calls for laughter I laugh, if it calls for sadness I […]
As the sun begins to rise, I know I miss him. He’s sleeping. I haven’t slept at all. I know my brother will be mad at me, but I can’t help it. My friend is sleeping on the bed, and I want to call my angel. I know he is asleep. If he’s not, I’ll be pretty mad. It just seems so useless though. Being here without him is almost uncopable. I know that when the sun is up and the birds sing, I can see him again. But until then, I can feel my mind slipping away and breaking apart. Why won’ t things […]
Well…this is the first post I’ve put…well, anywhere in regards to this subject, but at this point I feel I’m due. I don’t really know what else to do. I’m approaching 28 years old in a couple months and I just….give up. The “love of my life,” has made it clear he is so far from “okay,” that he is struggling to maintain his own life, let alone mine. We have been together going on 3 years but, honestly, it feels like life has been an eternity. We are both miserable, not just because of each other, but honestly, because of life. We failed. We […]
Ive been clean for 2 months now but the struggle is still real im always thinking if i just had a line how great i would feel. I was sitting at a party tonight thinking why the fuck am i here whats the point wheres my joy. I should be having the time of my life but i cant break past the walls. I dont know whats happening i have a good job, good friends, good girl. But somehow i cant find happiness, how is one supose to want to live when he has everything he needs and wants but still is never happy. In […]
No one wants to talk to me. I’m so depressed and empty that no one wants anything to do with me anymore. It’s like I’m not even there. I have no friends, only people that use me when it’s convenient for them. I’m just so sad and lonely.
I suppose I can say I’m a suicide attempt survivor, coming up a year ago now I took an overdose but only landed myself in hospital and had to endure weeks of hallucinogenic hell from the over ride of drugs screwing up my mental state even more so than previously. After the attempt was the first time I learned that anybody would care if I had died, I know people think its silly when I say I didn’t believe anyone cared but it was true, I really believed I was doing the people in my life a favor by leaving forever. Sitting in a cafe […]
I grew up in a family that might have cared but showed in it bad ways, with shaming, yelling, and emotional abuse. I was called wimp, crybaby, and told not to do things because I would break them or mess things up. Even at a young age my parents knew I was a screw up.
My body knew it too, I was so clumsy on my first day of school I ripped open my chin and dented an oven with my head. My bladder knew it to, there wasn’t a year in school I didn’t pee my pants because I didn’t know until seconds before I […]
My name is Chris and I’m going to tell you a little bit about my life I’m a very depressed person
pat the age of four my dad started touching me it continued until I was 12 then he went to prison
he was murdered when the other inmates found out the only person that knew he was doing it was my brother
me and him was close then he died from an overdose I started cutting after that the only people I had after that was mom and sister momma was a stripper she often brung home men to fuck the they would touch me she saw […]
so i just broke up with my girlfriend.. well not officially yet.. but I really really fucked things up.. I was diagnosed w Bipolar when I was 18 and life kinda just stalled at that point and I’m struggling up till now.. I haven’t finished college yet and I’m 27.. because of that reason.. I just keep dropping out cause I have a problem being around loads of people (it’s an on and off thing, I’ve had a few gf’s and conquests since then and I do have good friends but yeah)
anyways.. so recently I failed to get a job I really wanted because of […]
What’s the point in having a voice when it’s never going to be heard?
What’s the point in even trying when all your efforts are just going to be shot down?
What’s the point of having friends when they only use you up and toss you aside?
I’m done. I’m just so done with this whole fucking place. I’m fading into a figment into the shadows, walking silently, alone.
No one really ever gives a shit about you, do they. So why keep on living for them? Why keep on living when there’s no point?
I hate this feeling so much. I hate myself and […]
I don’t know when or how it all began but all I know is I can’t get out.
Depression.
Sorry if this story is choppy but I really don’t know how to describe this.
This whole year, I’ve been feeling lost, confused, empty, numb, broken, etc. My best friends were always there to help me out with all these problems and soon the feelings would fade away.
But, oh. They would always come back.
They were nightmares; ghosts always haunting me. Telling me how worthless I was. Telling me how insecure I should be.
My best friend, we’ll call her May, was the same way to me too. She had her […]
Many people who come here want to end some kind of pain, pain that they feel there is no other escape from except to end it all. Â Emotional pain, physical pain, social pain, loneliness, isolation, heartache, failing health, or even what the Germans call “weltshmerz”, an ache brought about by the understanding that the physical experience of living in the world cannot satisfy the demands of the human mind.
I understand these pains. Â And while I agree that the end of life also brings an end to these pains, as near as I can tell, there’s only one downside to death. Â The downside is that death […]
I don’t feel worth it. I feel like everyone else would be better off without me. I feel like everyone is just secretly wishing I was dead. I feel unwanted, criticized, and unloved. All I want is professional help and someone to show they care… But I want it to be one of the four boys that mean the most to me… I don’t think people realize how truly depressed and suicidal I am, unless I’ve told you. I don’t think the people I’ve encountered in my life could truly believe me when I say I want to die. I feel those people see me […]
… every single day i think about him. His beautiful smile, the way he walks, his angelic voice, his laugh that sounds like bells the angels would be jealous of, the way his beautiful blue and green eyes capture all of the glorious moments the entire world holds while they seem so far away from reality that you could be captured in an instant and never leave if he would look at you long enough. And his soul, played around with so many times you can feel his depression, hurt, sorrow, anger, sadness, and need for love just seeping off of his aura its almost […]
Does anybody know if he’s still alive??
When I used to be a little girl I was really sad, because I was always alone. My parents didn’t want to spent time with me. They didn’t talk to me, they didn’t teach me anything. They used to beat me, shout on me and insult me. My aunt did the same thing. All my schoolmates hated me and didn’t want to play with me. They were laughing at me and they liked to call me names. It was really embarrassing and because of that I begin to hate people. I just don’t know what does it mean to be important to someone […]
At first, I blamed everybody else for my failures, then myself, then I realized it is no ones fault. Not even mine. I really tried. This is just they way it is. People just don’t seem to understand. Everybody I know tried to help me, and so did I, but it was never meant to have a positive outcome. Now I sit here with a pile of failures and no future worth living for at an age of 30, with half of it more or less pure suffering. I was never meant to succeed in anything and this was set in stone from the day […]
Hey
I know i have not done a post in a while now but I’m here trying to recovery but in some deep problems ….. Just here to say recovery is possible you just have to be strong and believe that you want better for yourself ….no one wants to help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves so take that first step …..throw away the blade , throw the rum down the drain , put the pill bottle where it belongs and find the strength to move on .
Kris