I sat there on the side of slop. The summer wheat swayed in the wind as I watched the sunset. I relaized that the world is full of beauty and I am nothing. I hung my head and realized, no one really listens, no one gets it. This hurt inside me is so deep, so painful, so incredibly numbing, that it goes on the lingering for suicide anymore. I simply don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I live, I don’t care if I die. I simply perform like an actor. If the program calls for laughter I laugh, if it calls for sadness I cry. Other then that I am just a shell. An empty shell that walks the earth. I consume nothing, I give nothing. I am a silent stalker of the shadows. I am a live, but I am not living.
Is this what people want? Would they rather have loved ones around, like this. Numb shells walking the earth forever in pain and alone, instead of them taking their own life, and ending it all?
I am confused, I am lost. I want to reach out for help….but sadly there is no one at the end of my rope. There is no guiding light….I feel nothing, am nothing. But here I am. There you are, reading these words not realizing that I am already dead. Just a corps….that moves that talks that mimic you.
All I am, All I was is lost…..I simply be.