I really need to stop pussyfooting around my impending suicide and make a decision soon.  When my brother leaves in a few months I will order some poison and take it and end my miserable existence.  That’s that.  Nothing will change my mind.  My life is literally torture.

I’ve considered suicide multiple times, much less than most people though. I’m not one dealing with relationship problems, trying to escape pain from a disease, or other things, you name it. I’m fucking sick of humans. I can’t live on a planet that’s full of so many useless lives, including my own. Nobody takes anything seriously anymore, and if I had the option to nuke the planet, no questions asked I would do it, for the sake of any other life forms in this universe to take advantage of what we have. Aside from my hatred for humans, I can’t stand myself. I know I […]

For about 4 ½ years I’ve been unhappy, but never had the thought of suicide crossed my mind until I entered high school. (It’s not one of those things where I’m a loner and had no friends). I actually have had a  lot of friends my whole life but I always felt like a hole and I was always just sad for no reason, so recently I started therapy for family reasons and my therapist ran a few tests and I go back July 30 to see if I can be diagnosed clinically depressed. Around February I became extremely rebellious an unhappy and I would […]

Hey, I been writing a book about aboy who tried to shoot up his school but stopped becuase an teacher attacked him and locked him in his trunk.(<—– that's the main part of chapter one)

I have hand writed the frist 3 chapters before realizing I should write a chapter by chapter main objective and details to keep the book going along……..I did this for the first book

I also realized that after I typed it I became far smaller than I expected it to be (way shorter)

So I rewrote the first 4/40 pages handwritten (<—- the amount of pages I aming for per chapter….but […]

I am weak, I am a crumbling wall. Cracking with the pressure, watch me fall, tumbling. Screaming all the way down, the darkest tunnel. Tears drop from my cheeks and splatter on the floor, a puddle of diamonds. Graceful ending is all I hope for, but they rip me from my dreams. End it all now, end it all soon.
Black, all encompassing Darkness, The End.

I have LPR.

It’s a horrid disease and incurable to say the least. Those with LPR have the pleasure of experiencing various, horrible, painful symptoms in their heads and throats. There is no cure. Doctors refuse to acknowledge its existence. The only one who does – a specialist – says having LPR is like having the ‘VIP pass’ to throat cancer.Guaranteed. The stomach enzyme pepsin is to blame for both LPR and fatal throat cancer. Proven.

And I have LPR. Proven. Therefore I am almost guaranteed to experience cancer, which will kill me. Painfully…

And even if I don’t, I will have to suffer for my whole life, […]

Just wondering how affective this is. Obviously fatality is the key here. Apparently when used with alcohol, effects are heightened. Never taken this before but can probably obtain it. Thinking of taking a concoction of a medley of sleeping tablets, alcohol, painkillers and this stuff. Bam.

Reasons to commit suicide

I don’t love myself or self hatred
I have low self esteem
I lost all my friends
irreversibly damaged reputation and social standing with family
future is bleak
No ambition or motivation to set goals
So much regret for pass choices and decisions
inability to forgive myself and move on
credit score is in the trash
hard to get and keep a job and contribute financially to household
burden on family members
I hate living day to day repeating the same shit (eat,shit,sleep,wake-up,repeat)
I hate being weak
I am fearful of what my future will most likely become (homeless,broke,ostracized,lonely etc)
Pain of remembering the past and unable to return
I hate knowing I am a failure in life
To get […]

– Should you write a letter or leave without any last words?

– If you should write a letter, what should you mention to lessen their foreshadowed guilt?

– Should you end up missing, aka don’t let them see your inanimate body?

– Should you cut ties with them in advance?

Just curious concerns.  Want to know your opinions and why you feel that way.  thanks

The worst fear in my life is not that i will lead a lonely life but that the loneliness will drive me insane.

Even when I am in the midst of a huge crowd, a familiar crowd of friends and relatives, that feeling of loneliness creeps in and sometimes pushes me into that unholy pool of madness… where the first impulse is to hide from everyone, the second is a strong desire to run away from everything  and everyone,and then i get caught up in a feeling of despair… at how helpless and useless i am and then the doubts about why i am here to […]

Please I just want to die I’m desperate….I’m so desperate. I feel no guilt of doing it, I just want to finish. Enough is enough I have dealt with this too long.

I remember the time when you used to call me beautiful

It was a time when I was truly happy

There weren’t empty tears at 3 A.M. and hopeless wishes

I remember the time everything black and white turned grey

It was when you two would fight and loveless tears ran down your cheeks

Suddenly you left, you didn’t call, and you didn’t return for a while

I remember when you were there for me

It was around the time I went to seek help in the ocean

I sank to the bottom and struggled […]

i’m am bad.

fundamentally broken.

defective.

and that was before all of the diseases and addictions set in.

i try to be good.

i have the best intentions and strongest resolve whenever i set out on a mission.

but without fail i get the complete opposite reaction.

i destroy what i am trying to build.

i hurt those i am trying to love.

and i waste the love i’ve have been praying all my life for.

its like a sick twist of fate. drug addiction has been a part of my life since i was 15. i turn 23 in september. it has infiltrated and destroyed every aspect of my life. i cant count the […]

It’s all bad y’all

I mean this moment, this pain is far too familiar

Ths moment I usually consider a life lesson

It’s less of a blessing and more of a curse

Right now I feel like I could care less about leaning way back in the back of a maybach

I’d rather be laid back in the back of a hearse because

It’s all bad y’all…

I mean this is just……this is just….ahhh

Thats my problem you see

I feel like the whole world is targeting me and they don’t even know it

I know exactly how I feel but I don’t know how to show it

This is exactly what I was afraid of…

The […]

drugs have taken my sanity my dignity my body…. my entire exsistence. I go against every principle i believe in and every line i wont cross. i push and push and push knowing the pain i’m causing knowing that i’m destroying every good thing in my life. i try to stay sober. i give it my all. but even when i’m sober i dont have a life. the only life i have is in the streets. i don’t know how to relate to anyone on any normal kind of level. i dont know how to react and handle stress any way other than using. its […]

I long for the feeling.

Any feeling.

To cry at this point,

would be nothng short of a blessing.

I feel numb.

Numb,

like no combination of words could ever express.

I have people that have asked me to quit.

But they all go away in the end.

I need to feel something.

Anything.

And my blade beckons to me in the middle of the night.

I have to feel something.

How else

do I know

I’m alive?

Life goes on.

It doesn’t care,

if you’re there with it.

Life doesn’t give a fuck,

if you feel down,

or want to stop and smell the fucking roses.

Life will move

as fast as it fucking wants to.

And you can try your damnedest,

to sprint and keep up.

Or you can get left behind.

Life waits for no one.

Can you keep up?

I know that such a title sounds like an oxymoron-how could such a morbid thought such as suicide fill me with life?

I guess I should attempt to explain myself.

For many years, I feel as if I have been attempting to live a life that is already dead and gone. Any hope for filling it with hope and vivacity faded away a long time ago. I couldn’t exactly tell you when it happened, because I do not think that it came about in one moment. It arose over a countless stream of disappointments and mishaps in paths that took place over the course of the past […]

I had planned for over a month. I did all the research. I got two tanks of helium. Created an exit bag. Sealed everything well. Then when I turned on the taps for the helium I realized I wasn’t prepared for how terrifying it would be. The bag filled up so fast and the next thing I knew I was tearing everything off. This is horrible. I wanted a painless, peaceful exit. Looks like I may have to find a cliff. Now I’m more depressed than ever. I’m not asking for help. I just wanted to vent.

Dear Amberlyn,

I am so sorry. I am sorry I’m such a fucking slut and someone you should look down on because I’m not worthy of your open-mindness with many of your friends which gives me the wrong idea. I’m so sorry I haven’t text you for days now. I’m so sorry you don’t know shit about what I internally go through because I don’t have the fucking guts to say anything. You don’t deserve me as your girlfriend, I’m so fucking sorry I have such anxiety when I talk to you because I’m afraid I’ll eventually get boring and fuck up everything and then you’ll […]