Asking For Help

For about 4 ½ years I’ve been unhappy, but never had the thought of suicide crossed my mind until I entered high school. (It’s not one of those things where I’m a loner and had no friends). I actually have had a  lot of friends my whole life but I always felt like a hole and I was always just sad for no reason, so recently I started therapy for family reasons and my therapist ran a few tests and I go back July 30 to see if I can be diagnosed clinically depressed. Around February I became extremely rebellious an unhappy and I would cry myself to sleep so I planned that June 28^th the day before my birthday, I’d kill myself. The day kept getting closer and closer and I found myself not even willing to get up and do it. Two or three days ago I decided that if I don’t find a reason to be happy by July 30, which is my next therapy session, I’d just kill myself, no doubts id just do it, I just really need a reason not to, I’ve tried everything, talking to a friend reading reasons to stay alive, everything, nothing helps.