This morning I watched the sun rise as I have for quite a while now, it’s always the same but yet always different. This one was really special tho for it will be my last, it’s such a beautiful sight it’s like today it rose just for me. Today the sun shines just for me.

I can’t remember her ID, it started with an “E” like edenformosa or something like that. I think she suffered from fibromyalgia and could never feel fully rested. Helium wasn’t working for her so apparently (others confirmed) she jumped of a bridge (Seven something bridge). The post may have been deleted but I just wanted to express how sorry I am that she was forced to jump, something she explicitly didn’t want to do. That is extremely cruel. There should be easier ways available. Peaceful ways, affordable ways.  Thanks.

“monica? monica where are you?” as my mother yelled loudly while walking up the white wood staircase.*bang on door and sound of a door knob clicking* “monica open the god damn door or you will be grounded for weeks!” yelled my mother at my door.”WHAT?” I yelled madly back. “open the door” mother said with a slightly lower sounding voice. “no” I yelled. “monica i just wanted to tell you dinner is ready, if your hungry. i answered quickly so she would go away quicker “no thanks mom im just going to go to sleep” she yelled back ” ok […]

I haven’t ate in 2 days… been locked in my room… the sad thing is..no one has looked for me…my family hasn’t even tried…

Im not a very important person. I don’t tell people about my problems. I have many. They drive me insane. I wish I was better person. I cant tell anyone abut this side of me except my only friend cole. he is the only one who will ever understand me. ever.

this is a list 0f my problems

1.im different

2.i cut

3.i am bulimic and anorexic

4.suicidal

5.family death

6.commitment issues

7.my mother has been dating a married man I hate for 6 years

8.my family thinks there’s something wrong with me

9.bullied

10.no friends

11.awkward

12.shy

13.anger issues

14.migranes

15.lack of sleep

16.i hear voices

17.cant focus

18.sexualy abused by half sister [longstory]

and last of all

19.i cant stand myself

please help, my family or […]

Sometimes, I do wonder. How could hell be a place much worse than here? At least there, I’d know why I’m there. I dont know why I’m here. I’ve always wanted to be the person..the one who helps out that kid..the kid that no one knows is going through something, or feeling llonely, or contemplating suicide…I realized tonight that no one feels this way but me. I AM that kid.  The kid that silently feels like a screw up..the one who relies on men because they have no one else. The one who feels lonely and hides well enough that everyone thinks im fine. I […]

I don’t know what it is about Saturdays, but my fiance develops this overwhelming cruelty on those days and tonight. Last saturday I spent the night in our closet because he punched me in the nose and didn’t let me leave. Tonight I cowered in a corner while he yelled at me that I’m ugly, stupid, a shitty excuse for a girlfriend, that my attitude sucks, and that I need to apologize to his friends for acting so “embarrassing” tonight. I got upset over a video game we were playing. I admit that it’s childish but I didn’t throw things around the room, punch walls, […]

At least I get to have a bit of fun tonight. I’m gonna talk to kkpeople who I get along with. I only care about people who want to treat me like a person. That’s just me. Good luck to everyone.

My GirlFRIEND Does Not Love Me I Think I LOve Her But I Feel LIke Dieing

To Mum and Dad,

Both of you are fucking horrible people to hang around. Dad, I disowned you early last year, and Mum, I disowned you at the end of last year. You and dad are alcoholic ugly people who gave me life with no regards to what your actions would do to me and my two brothers. We made choices, but you also helped us make the wrong choices. I hope you both fall off a cliff tomorrow. Kill yourselves so I and many others do not have to think about you anymore. You are not my parents, even though you are biologically. You are […]

I ruinedmy life with bad choices, poor academic decisions, bad financial decisions, and dishonesty. When I met my husband and gave birth to our beautiful sweet babies I was so sad. Sad because all at once I knew I would never be worthy of this gift I was given because of my past mistakes.

I have devoted 10 years of counseling to my bullshit, with multiple explanations that the attention seeking and erratic behavior from age 18-23 was linked to feeling worthless at home, feeling powerless, bla bla. I don’t blame anyone but myself. The best way I can explain it is that I was crazy […]

I’ve been depressed for 3 years now and I just can’t do it anymore. I can see my life falling apart day by day and go to bed crying every night. Nobody cares about me and probably wouldn’t even notice if I left. I have no friends because whenever I make friends they leave me shortly after. I have never had a boyfriend and guys only use me for my body and take advantage of me. EVERYONE I know has used me over and over again. Every weekend I sit at home by myself and eat my emotions. All I want in my life is […]

Local posts, they list your friends
In order of disappearance
Lawn scattered tins feed birds:
The portions baked for absent guests
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KceYe4Dedbg
Mass edition icon
God sent comfort is your salvation
But who grants absolution for sins
That never were committed?
Call me, darling

Tension makes a tangle of each thought,
It becomes inconvenience
Sound never penetrates as
Servile edges break and faint
Dress lengths, assassinations
Fractured family ties and christenings
Tension

A thought mistaken for a memory
Clear the dust from smiles in boxes
Cross a patterned floor and recall their voices
There goes the plan

sleeping tablets is the best way of suicide without pain.

i think iam done with life is it bad to be sucidal i guess if theres a god then i will be burning in hell for entrintey mabe idk i dont really belive in it i guess iam going down as a athesist idk honstley evryhtings meant to happen and lifes worth living its all bullshit i think so the question is is it bad to take ur own life well its a form of destruction agnaist self so it is viloenet but do u keep living with all this pain and shit from people or do u enter into the next world weather good […]

At least that is my life. Ups and Downs, however the “ups” are smaller and the “downs” are getting larger. Work, no money, illness, family and tons more. I’m tired and need a really long break. Since I own nothing, the break will be permanent

Most people know me as the girl who’s always smiling and laughing. Most dont know I suffer from depression. I’ve wanted to die everyday since I was eight. I have tried to kill myself twice by overdosing and both times i’ve failed. My own boyfriend thinks im crazy and so does my whole family. I started cutting yesterday. I think I did it because no one is there for me. No one wants to listen. The only person I told about my cutting was my bestfriend Sean, but that backfired because my boyfriend was with him. My boyfriend is now sending me rude texts saying […]

Well, I’m the girl everyone thinks is happy. They all come to me with their problems. No one would suspect that I’ve dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts as long as I can remember…
I know the first time I remember wanting to die was when I was 7 years old. When I voiced this thought to my mother, she said she would hit me if I ever said that again.
I remember I was about 12 or 13 when I first started cutting and starving myself. No one thought anything of my rapid weight loss; kids go through stages where they suddenly lose […]

having a pleasant time high, home alone. i usually have better insight into me and my “distorted” thinking when i am under the influence. major insight of the day-i like being alone too much. i am having a hard time tolerating people. if i am around people i have to talk. and be fairly pleasant. after awhile i can’t keep the facade up-takes too much energy. easier if i just keep my mouth shut and smile. it has gotten to the point where i watch tv with the sound off. i read the subtitles. the chatter, the noise grates on me. what is going on […]