If all goes well, I’ll be all right. If not, I’m gonna plan when to kill myself. What if I don’t do it? That’ll be decided when I put my plan into action. I won’t do it in my own home, I’ll do it at the person’s place, who I wish to spite, because they laughed at me today when I was telling my doctor something serious. So, if I choose to euthanise myself, it’ll be at their house, so that if they get time to save me, they can call the ambulance, and maybe they’ll feel less psychopathic towards me. Then again, affter this […]
All these posts you may read about suicidal people being “attention seeking f***s”. It’s probably me and others like me that cause these assumptions to be made. I don’t deserve the attention I’m asking for. And yet, here I go, once more posting on this site. Once more whining about my perfect life….
I can never do anything right now these days, I try, but nothing works. I cannot even say a word without getting yelled at by my mother, I can’t even sleep right for some reason. I am about this close to snapping, and if I do, it will be bad, I don’t want that. I feel like everything is just going to fall apart on me, I feel like I am going to fall apart. Why am I still here in this world? Why am I still standing?
Why am I still sane?
I’m done with this shit, I’m done crying because of how they view me, I’m done hiding from the mirror because i don’t want to see myself, I’m done living up to their expectations, I’m done thinking of the people who killed themselves.
I’m sick of it all, I hate being afraid, I hate being in a dark place, I hate hiding from the world because i thought I couldn’t deal with it. I’m sick of people wondering why I don’t date, because I don’t want too, I’m sick of people asking if I’m lesbian (nothings wrong with it) I just have no attraction to any human. I don’t […]
I’m ugly.
It’s like 2pm, I’ve had a shit day and want to drink beer but my mum has someone over and i am worried they will judge me for drinking so early on a Thursday.
Society’s rules are complex and at times really stupid. I feel dumb for caring at all.
I have tried for a long time to break out of this.
8 letters.
seems so simple,
but when they cant be kept, they hurt like SO MUCH.
i need to stop.
stop giving anyone else chance to hurt me by giving so many promises… but i cant.
I WANT MY LIFE TO STOP.
Well, I don’t like to say the word “suicide” because it has always had negative connotations in my life. My family is comprised of a bunch of cold-hearted, sarcastic Argonauts with strong wills and drive, so we see suicide as pathetic. And the twist: I’ve felt suicidal since day one. The inner conflict of the way I was raised and the way I feel is certainly nothing short of overwhelming. I’ve always wanted different things from the people around me and consequentially I’ve felt stifled, suppressed, and unwelcome in my environment for years. I have very few friends, and the ones I do have I […]
Confused. That’s the feeling which describes me the most. I’m male, 22, and I’m currently engaged in a Master Degree. I had depressions before, I also had suicidal thoughts before, but I never tried it. I don’t fear my death, on the contrary, the idea itself is very pleasant to me, but I simply can’t decide wether I kill myself or not.
I know I’m responsible for all mistakes I’ve made. Problem is that I’m the failure. I feel like I shouldn’t stay alive because I’m a pain for everyone who surrounds me. I do have some friends, my parents are divorced, but fine, and they […]
20 minutes ago I tried to get some sleep then all of a sudden I felt really worried I was that worried I felt sick then I felt really scared worried and empty all at the same time I thought I was going to pass out or something. I have never experienced anything like this. I won’t be able to sleep tonight I still feel a little scared.
Deafening echoes reverberate off the walls.
Walls painted black by years of neglect.
Walls forming a very small room.
With a floor made of long-lost dreams and aspirations.
No door.
No window.
No light.
Beautiful.
In the center of the room, I sit.
Unable to think clearly.
Why is it so loud?
I only need a moment of peace.
What I wouldn’t give for a moment of peace.
Unable to open my eyes, for fear of what I might see.
And when I finally muster the courage, I wish that I hadn’t.
Filth.
That’s all I see around me.
People living meaningless lives.
Blissfully ignorant.
Secure in their […]
I just can’t do anything right. My life is just one big downward spiral right now.
I made myself sick today just because I didn’t want to go to school and face my debate squad because I don’t have the work I’m supposed to have done done. Debate has just added a level of stress in my life I don’t need and I can’t quit because I made a commitment to it. It’s ruining me though.
It doesn’t help that I can’t talk to my girlfriend about this. She lives in a different state so I can’t ask her to come over and talk, and […]
Ok I’m going to just get straight into this because I’ve had all of this bottled in and I can’t find the will to tell anyone face to face which I need to learn to do. Anyway my dad has recently passed away because of cancer, it was horrible and terribly sad that in his last few months I got to see the good side of him then I had to just see him crumble away being in pain. I’ve had to say goodbye and go to his funeral. A mistake I made was when I was hurting I kept all the hurt inside I […]
Why did they choose me to bully?? Why did my friends back-stab me? i was nice to them and i spent my money on them and trusted them. They just threw my trust on the ground and stomped on it. I called them my friend but they where two faced bitches. I told them secrets that they promised to keep and they told the whole school my secrets. and then they tried to be my friend again, and i forgave them and they broke my trust over and over until i finally learnde that they will never change! I have heard the word sorry so […]
Self-immolation refers to setting oneself on fire, often as a form of protest or for the purposes of martyrdom or suicide. It has centuries-long traditions in some cultures, while in modern times it has become a type of radical political protest. Michael Biggs compiled a list of 533 “self-immolations” reported by Western media from the 1960s to 2002, though in this work his definition is generalized to any intentional suicide “on behalf of a collective cause.”
He has an idea about what i’m going through, it seems. He says he’s depressed and that he self harms, but he does so many attention-seeking things (for example, talking about his weight). He has lied about some things, that although they aren’t important things, how can he expect me to trust him? He’s hurt because he has trusted me with some things, but really, he just throws around what he has done in the past as if it’s no big deal. I’m not like that, i’m so much more secretive about all of that kind of stuff.
I tell people that I don’t trust anyone. […]
So I was thinking a lot about my life…and how it turned out so far. Everyone that I know thinks I live such a good life, or atleast should. I have such a nice house, live in literally the nicest neighboorhood, have two parents, perfect grades, colleges asking ME to apply to THEM, own my own car, work at an IT job that pays a lot, have perfect skin….
And yet that brings me no joy, I’m missing the happiness from it all. I don’t want that. What am I leaving out from what I already said? Oh yeah…how I was raised in the hood, or […]
I’ve been on this site many times before…Reading this blog is like reading the Bible to me. It’s refreshing to be able to read all the honest feelings in these posts. I am not happy to read about how so many of us are suffering, but at the same time, it’s nice to know that I am not alone in how I feel at times…Well most of the time. I wish that I could accurately describe how fucked up my life is…It really is exceptionally miserable. I’ve spent the majority of my life with depression and anxiety…But I always had hope for the the future..Hope for […]
I sat in the cafeteria at school this morning waiting for school to start, i was at a table all to myself and i kept looking at my phone, no one was texting me but i wanted to look like i had some friends you know..
After about 20 minutes a boy looks over at me his table is overflowing with his friends and asks “are you lonely? i think your lonely”
I laughed and said “no they’ll be here soon, their bus is just running a bit late”
I turned around and whispered ” they’ll never be here.. cause i dont have any..”
After me and Tanner broke […]