Well…..yeah since the new year began I said to myself “No more cutting”. And I had stuck to that rule until today.  One of my closest friend has been trying to cheer me up for about 3 days straight, and yesterday it worked. But today she was in a depressed mood, and I was trying to cheer her up, and I confessed my love to her, and she just turned her back on me and acted like she didn’t care, no matter how hard I tried to cheer her up, and it hurt me so bad.

So out came the knife and ….. yeah, I just don’t […]

i’m about to loose a lot of friends i have this thing when i’m pissed i’m not me!! i do things that i REALLY regret after and i say the most stupid things that makes me the worst idiot ever

i got this really good friend and i told him i was wortless and he said i wasn’t and he said he loved me but i’ve not really liked him that way i really like him as my friend and i do not wanna loose any more friends he was trying to cheer me up and i wa turning him my back and i REALLY regret […]

I’m not an angsty teenager (granted, I was when I was a teen) just angsty 26 year old who is so tired of everything. I’m tired of feeling like my problems are not that big of a deal and that I should be getting over them. I’m tired of wishing I had died in the car accident that honestly should have killed me (honestly, who flips their car going 65 mph and walks away without a scratch?) I’m tired of my financial burdens. I’m tired of being like the middle child and having to be the one that understands everything.  I’m tired of being the […]

I used to have it all. 4 years ago, I was so popular at school, great at soccer, had loads of friends,.. But now I’m depressed, I suffer from social anxiety. I’m always stressed out. I used to self harm. I tried to kill myself twice but both attempts failed. I don’t even know why I’m still alive. There are so many people dying everyday, and here I am.. Still alive. I’m afraid of actually killing myself cause I really don’t know what comes after death. Hell? Who knows.. I hate my job, I hate my school, I hate my life. I still got a […]

Why would he do this to me?? Why wouldn’t he stand up for me when i was in that black hole and his girlfriend called me a whore and he was right behind me??!!

why would he lie straight to my face?? why can’t he stand up for himself?? why can’t he say no??

i’m felling worthles if i wasn’t here anyone would never give a fuck?? i don’t even get myself sometimes!!?? i miss the time when we were all togehter and happy that time where i was happy!! i miss myself??

i’m scared that i will loose all my friends that i’m gonna loose my family i […]

I have decided to stay away from relationships and focus on myself.Then this guy comes out of nowhere.We’ve had conversations and it’s like somehow,I had fallen for him.Next thing I knew,we were talking about sex and it’s like the heat of the moment kind of thing.This morning to my shock,I found out he’s moved on to his “someone special.”It crushed me.I actually trusted him.Made me feel like trash the way he did me.After that experience,I realize that I’m through with love.Seems like all men want is sex.I can’t take anymore heartbreak.

Ok..so you to a mall shopping for the party which you have to attend. You have searched almost every shop but didn’t find anything you like. You are dissappointed. Just when you are about to leave you see an extremely amazing dress on display. It’s the prettiest thing you have seen.It’s the right size, the right colour, it goes with your shoes perfectly. And it is in your reach. It’s just perfect. Everything you where looking for. You are in awe. You are happy, excited, amazed. You are in love with this dress! You decide to buy it. You go to counter and tell […]

I’m tired. I was tired last night and today I’m still tired. It’s the feeling of  being alone and thinking it will never change that manages to pull me down. I usually just muddle through it but last night it welled up and became overwhelming. I felt there was no way out other then to end it. I came up with a plan, one I thought and think is workable.  I researched it on the web to make sure and in doing that research I found this site. This site has helped me,at least temporaly, to put my plan on pause. I read what people […]

Ever had the feeling that you are the reason why others are not happy?.well i do

The year is bright with hope for others..i jst pray it has something similiar for me.i jst hope i come to anything…anyroad happy new year…y’all nid some banner to celeberate this…

I am tired. I am tired of searching. I am tired of being scolded at for being the way that I am. I am tired.

So, last year around my birthday (which is November 3rd), I became severely depressed. I told my mom about all of this, and she took me straight to my doctor. I was put on depression meds. Ive gotten so depressed that ive cut myself, and i want to kill myself.I can’t tell anyone, because if I get put in a hospital or something, my dad will find out and take me away and make me live with him in New York. Anyways, I want to kill myself because i feel like I’m a waste of space and life would be better for everyone else if […]

So for once today, i actually felt good. no suicidal thoughts, no depression, no irritability (then again i seem to have a really fast version of bipolar when it comes to moods) but then my dad decided, that like every other day, he had to annoy me. I know this isnt suicidal but it makes me very angry and even depressed on occasion, i just dont know how to handle it on top of my already difficult life at the moment. Here they are:
1. Deliberately embarrassing me infront of our extended family.
2. Saying my report is ‘crap’ even though i got 4 A’s […]

I don’t whine. I’m not here to get attention. I’m here to give you some perspective and because I need to get this off of my chest.

Everybody has problems, bad things happen to them, but I have just had so. many. I hear a lot of stories of peoples hardships and only once have I heard one that made me feel like life has not singled me out to be the waste bin for all leftover bad karma that doesn’t get dished out. Yet even still, I think I would kill to have had her life instead of mine.

When I was 5 I was abused. […]

You don’t know me,
you’re not even close.
You see that I’m happy,
But that’s what I show.

Yes, I’m smiling
But I am tearing up inside.
Yes, I’m laughing
You can’t see the tears I’ve cried.

You think , you like me
You are so wrong
You like the picture you’ve painted,
where I look strong.

My eyes, they water
I don’t really cry
My heart, yes , it beats
My hopes, they have died.

Yes, I’m alive
But I don’t really live,
You might think I wake up,
when I don’t really sleep.

I wait for the day
when this will come to an end
I wish I […]

They say it’s a selfish act. I say it takes strength.  You leave the ones who care behind.  But where is the caring when you are alive.  It is only when you are gone they show that they care.  How can that be sincere?

I’m here alive now and asking for help.  I know the fault is mine, but I realise now that I’ve been slowly trying to get out of this useless life for a while now.  I form no lasting relationships.  I’m easily let down.  I started gambling knowing that it is a one way street to destruction.  Now I’m left with a debt I can […]

I don’t want to be here anymore. Full stop.
I’m sick of everything! I hate everything and I want to be gone.
It would be so much easier if I was 6 feet under.
Thinking about it, I wonder who would care?
Who would cry?
Who would shrug it off?
Who would miss me?
Who would be heart broken?
Who would be happy..?
I’ve never thought about it because I’ve never wanted to fucking die this much.
And truthfully, I couldn’t care..
I just want to be out of here.

I need reasons to stay alive. I can’t kill myself at the moment for a few reasons. When it does come time for me to go, I’ll go to heaven or hell when I’m old. What difference does it make if I choose an earlier time? Death is death, just like an apple is an apple no matter the colour. Once my reasons for living have run out, I’m gonna kill myself. Somehow. I’ll need access to successful methods, but I’ll have a few years to work it out. I used to not believe in euthanasia, now if you ask me to help you die, […]

We were engaged for 4 years, together for 6 years, have a 4 year old child together. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, this has been going on for about 4 years now. Starting new medications, ending them, then starting others… Ive been pretty good lately, but all of a sudden he becomes unhappy.. Yes i get all of the pain he went through pushing me to get well and happy, but i spoke about it. Within the past 2 weeks, we’ve had a break, pity sex, and he broke up with me today. I feel like I’ve been backstabbed. Like my best […]

While in was still in the womb, my dad used to abuse my mother. Yelling, hitting. Since as long as I remember, I cower from anything close to fighting. My mom also did drugs. Hard drugs. I was born premature. Two months premature. I was 1lb 7oz, born addicted, I also had a heart murmer. Maybe she didn’t want me? My mom went to jail for possession and use of the drugs. My dad was already in jail, fuck if i know why. I went in and out of foster homes up until I was 12. One family decided to adopt me. They […]