Sometimes I wish I could go back to 2010/: yeah, there was drama.. but not as bad as now. I miss old friends, and family. I miss all living together in one house and not worrying about who I’ll be spending Christmas. When friends were forever, or even just a day. and there was really not alot that could depress me… my life now… -complete opposite-

another sleepless night with crying, screaming into my pilllow and suffering 🙁 i wrote this in the night…. hope you like it.

fires ablaze within my eyes

a smile concealing all my lies screaming, begging calling out

a final frantic desperate shout.

i dont know why i feel this way

i never asked for pain, tears or suffering i was normal at one point in life

i was full of smiles, laughter and happiness

i wish i knew the cause of this pain to find a way to make it all stop.

have you ever felt like giving up this fight

have you ever slit your wrists or

have you ever picked up a knife

i […]

I don’t know if I should post on here anymore. My friend found me and has read why I put, and I’m betting you they think I’m a total freak, I don’t know if they deleted the account….so yeah. I’m a screw up, everything I do backfires. Even looking for help fucked up

i love him so much.
but why am i such a ***** to him lately?
probably cuz i feel like he dont care anymore
probably cuz my mood swings are hella bad this time the year.
i cant lose him ever. even if sometimes i wish hed just back off.
I DONT MEAN IT! i need him more then anything. i miss the way him and i used to be
yeah we live far apart but maybe thats why. maybe just maybe i need him here. but no arguing with him day after day i think i might have just pushed him away.

devin, im […]

I love you my dearest sunflower! thank you for coming over today and filming my dailey majestic life!

I am just glad that i finally got to see you and give you your christmas gifts!! hope your day was as good as mine 🙂

Me: em I’m really suicidal
Her: J, I really don’t care.
Me: well that hurts.
Her: I told you I really don’t care.

she’s my best friend. I need someone to talk to but all i have is my cat. and he dont seem to care either :'(

I feel so used n fucking disgusting…..

I’ve noticed that when you’re on the edge, the littlest things can set you off. The tiniest little issue gets your blood boiling. Makes you wanna disappear or kill yourself and occasionally makes you want to kill other people. Perhaps I’m just a really angry person and I just wanna be alone. Maybe I just want peace and quiet.

I really need to stop smoking…and imhstill working on the poem about this site. it’s coming along great, should be able to post it soon

If you are completely adjusted to an utterly sick society, you are a mentally healthy individual.

Makes perfect sense.

I started playing video games once again, started planning out some music to record and quit reading these posts. Reading misfortune can get you down big time. I stopped taking pills and my Seizures are getting a little better. Find that release that gets you through tough days.

I feel so good! For those of you who read my last post… Today I went to that party anyways. I went by public transport with my slippers, then I changed it to heels once I reached there. And actually the public transport is not so bad… and I hanged out with my friends and we enjoyed.

I have learned that life is all a choice.

Mortal/physical death is destined, but happiness is a choice.

As for me, I will not choose to die. No more sitting around and dying all day. I will survive, find my way out and achieve my goals.

I just don’t know what happens to me sometimes, it is strange. I start saying things that I really shouldn’t say, I ruin everything around me because of this terrible habit. I don’t want to do it, it’s just like it takes me over and I start doing stupid fucking shit. And I can only watch as everything breaks down. It ruined so many things, it just makes everything so awkward. I don’t want to do it and yet it happens. I’ve had to explain many weird messages send to random people in the middle of the night. I’d usually say I was drunk, but […]

Why do I keep fucking shit up? Why am I so stupid? I just… Feel like I am no good to anyone. I feel like all I do is screw shit up. I have nowhere to go, no friends that I can rant to freely without them getting annoyed and I’m left to this site. I have hit rock-bottom, and my last resort was this website.

Tell me, how pathetic does that sound? A site called The Suicide Project is where I go to when I need to vent. Yeah, most may call me lucky: I’ve been accepted into an amazing cosmetology school, I’m a model, […]

Christmas 2012 Trip is now over and I’m back home with my family. Until they all leave for the cities they live in now. Even the people I love the most drive me crazy, I can’t stand them. I am so pissed off at them all and sometimes I feel no connection to them anymore, even though they were the only reason I held on for so long.

I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I know they love me and all, but I am so mad at them. Everyone has rejected me in one way or another, I’m at the point where I’d like […]

I did some research on the most painful type of death you can have..they said “liver failure” was. Since I deserve a slow and painful death without my parents figuring out that I killed myself, I figured that was the best way. I went to the store and bought three bottles of Tylenol, I figured that should suffice. How could that NOT give me instant liver failure? I won’t get a donor in time and BAM, I’m gone. That’s it, no more me. Finally have the guts to do it. I just don’t know when I’m going to…The timing has to be perfect.

grrrr gonna brush my teeth and play some cod

8:01am

still haven’t slept and slowly coming around

drinking coffee thinking about a post i deleted

2:33am

12/29/12

there’s so many reasons why i’m alone :'<

When I Was 10 I Was Brutally Raped By A Old Male In His mid 30s It Stopped Me From Having A Boyfriend Iv Tried Suicide Last Night To End My Pain Quickly But All It Did Was Give Me A Bruised Neck And Fresh New Cuts On My Thighs
Please Help Me :'( Im Sick And Tired Of The Thoughts I Have Everyday <\3 And Most Of All Im Scared ..

think everythings in order.

couple of letters written

tried my damdest to explain just why

no family makes it so much easier

2 years ago i stood there right on the edge, wow what a view, it blew my mind…. got spotted in the early hours of the mnorning by someone out walking there dog…   at the end of the day i bottled it and took too long and stood there thinking instead of what i went there to do there and eventually i got picked up by the local police..

not this time..

this time i’m ready, been there, stood there..

god give me the bloody strength ..

i’m ready…

shitting myself but i’m ready

i spend hours looking at pics of that place online […]

I tried to be productive today but I failed. I had planned to do things like be creative and make a moodboard and draw but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, whenever I tried I just felt the frustration of failing I really can’t explain it. I haven’t really done anything productive in a while the last time I did I wasn’t really passionate about it like I’d like to be. The reason I wanted to be productive today was because I’m on break and have no school so I thought it would be a good idea to do something I enjoy but […]