Got out the hospital and feeling worst.i.cant do this.no more the pain is beyond pain because im use to it. Im a lone and nobody cares everybody yelling, frustrating making me angry which makes this pain worst.just kill me !
I’ve put off writing this, because I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what I need to say.. I know that I have many thoughts that aren’t coming out right in my head and I can’t share them outloud because they only nod their heads in response. I knew a guy who committed suicide. I think about him everyday. Wonder if he knew me too. I cry when I think about people growing old. About my family members growing old while I’m away and then when I snap back to reality in 10years… they’ll be dead or no longer who I grew up […]
You know, sometimes I honestly believe that no one gives two shits about me. Even the people that say they love me. Most of those people don’t even know me. And you know what I think? I think that no one really cares until you’re gone. When it’s too late to do what you should have. What might have saved someone’s life. And you know, sometimes I consider suicide just to see if someone really did care. And if you did, why did you let me go?
My original post of this was a little harsh, so I posted a better version of it. I’m 25, married and suffering. This is just a glimpse of what my life has been like. At age 4 I was diagnosed with Spinabifida, and then my dad died. I grew up an angry kid. As I got older I got Appendicitis and lost tons of weight. I was down to near 70 pounds when they finally got the appendix out. After months of therapy I finally healed. Everything seemed to get better and so I wanted to start a new life. I got married and moved […]
I will always love you.
I will always be attracted you.
But now I KNOW… that you will never feel the same way back.
And I think I can accept it all now.
This may be a lame epiphony, but if you really knew.. this really is actually a big deal.
Im not happy that we will never be together again… but I understand now what things are going to be like.
I’m lost in a dark room in my own head.
I’m in pain and agony from all the thoughts that circulate.
The frightening answer of suicide and leaving.
I feel weak because I can’t accomplish it. I don’t slice deep enough.
I don’t take enough pills and I don’t use a thick enough rope.
I consider myself a coward. Because I cannot finish what I started in the middle of the year.
I’m alone, I’m scared I’m afraid. I’m worried and I’m in pain.
Each breath I take is another mistake. I shouldn’t be breathing this air.
Am I selfish for wanting it all to […]
I am only walking around and putting that smile on my face, I feel like I am torn apart, broken and can’t be fixed. I am doing my best too get by. Not a day goes by were I wish I could fade away and see if anyone would care. Honestly I think not that many people would even notice if I just faded away. Nothing is ever going too change I’ll always be the un-fixable girl. all alone here on the other end, I just do not want too keep going anymore you have too understand that if I do give up its not […]
I can’t get this feeling to go away. I feel bitter, I feel lost, I feel helpless.. I want to drink myself into a coma. I try so hard to make everyone happy even though everything is literally falling apart all around me. My best friend’s sister died 3 months ago in a drunk driving accident, she was 19.  even though we weren’t that close, she was still like an older sister to me. and I have never seen someone so young and so beautiful be so still and so lifeless. she didn’t even look like herself at all.. it haunts me everyday, all I can […]
I was physically abused by my brother until I was 16 and left home. I admitted it to my parents, with whom I have always been very close with 3 years ago.
They claim to believe me. The claim to back me up. But after my last suicide attempt, after 3 days in 4 points in the ICU, when sent to the psych ward..they promised me certain things.
You see I uprooted my entire life on the West Coast to move back to the Midwest and help care for my sick father. He’s very young, only 65. But has a host of degenerative diseases. I went from […]
i dont want compliments, or anyone to tell me it will get better. if you understand, you will know why i feel like i can’t go on. i want to kill myself so badly. it’s just scary to think about it. i cut myself so much its getting crazy. and i just can’t eat anymore. i’m so tired of feeling rejected and lost. i am so tired of living. i’m not even joking when i say no one would care if i died. and i’m not lying when i say im not pretty. i mean it. i mean every word i say. i can’t even […]
the only thing i fear is not death or dying, but knowing that after
you die there won’t be anything but complete darkness.
whenever i am alone in my room thinking about things,
i always felt that death is coming. I always ask myself why I still
exist in this world. Living without any reason seems painful to me. Every second that passes seems like a wasted time.
Having no purpose at all makes me feel like a worthless person. Sometimes I wonder if I really do have a freedom.
Freedom to choose what I want to be, freedom to do whatever
I wanted to […]
Why some people can commit suicide?
Why some people want to commit suicide but can’t do it?
Suicide is really an awful thing to do but the feeling of the person who want to do it
is more awful becuase it is full of pain and suffering. They say too much of anything
is bad for us human beings, too much stress can lead to depression, too much vanity can
lead to anxiety and too much pain can lead to wanting to commit suicide.
We all know that there’s no perfect life. There are a lot of troubles, conflicts and
problems that we will face throughout our […]
I left my abusive boyfriend/fiancee of 5 years earlier this month.. My parents practically kidnapped me and sent me out of state with realtives to get away from him.. but hes not a threat anymore.. He’s moved on.. told me the new girl he’s with is much better than I could ever hope to be 🙁 well good for them.. I still love him for some reason and that’s what really gets to me.. I know its truly a shame for her because once this happy stage wears off she’ll see his abusive side.. I’m just so hurt.
My parents want me to start my […]
Most of us in this world believe that the only way to be happy
and to live our life to the fullest is to find love.
For us normal human being,
love is like a key that can open any doors.
We focus on it too much that we forgot to think
about other more important things like reality.
I realize that if we decided to accept love,
we also decided to accept suffering.
Love and suffering is connected and
we can’t just pick one of it because loving
and suffering is not a choice.
Life is unfair, because we can’t decide not to
love […]
I was wondering if this happened to anyone else.
Recently i met someone that i knew had mental issues, as a cutter myself i often look for scars on others, i don’t know why, but i like to look.
After not being able to find an scars on him, I found myself feeling somewhat jealous of others with bigger scars that are more noticeable, i felt somewhat disappointed in myself that i didn’t have bigger and better scars to ‘show off’ i guess.
Just for the record, i am not ashamed of my scars/cuts etc, i would gladly show them off as i find them to be the most beautiful […]
This morning, European time, I ventured out early to purchase a couple of things in readiness for my departure. It was a strangely unreal experience as I haven’t shopped during Christmas for many years….The last two years were spent in Afghanistan and other central Asian countries, I forgot what it would be like to walk amongst the throng of happy Santa’s and the annoying buzz of Christmas carols. I sat in the car park of a major toy store considering my first major step with this decision. It was a weird surreal moment walking to the front door, expecting to be confronted with smiling faces, […]
I’m numb. No emotions, no feelings. Nothing.
I don’t care if I get hurt. I kick my toe, nothing.
I hit my head, nothing. I cut my wrists, nothing.
I don’t feel heart ache anymore. I don’t care if I cut to deep.
I don’t even care if my family find out what I write on here.
I’m 16 name is Chaifair, I live in a nothing town with people who just don’t care.
I’m over living my life like a happy little trooper. I’ve been faking my smile all day.
No one knows what goes on in my mind, because I don’t know either.
Started doing snow again.. just a little, been planning my suicide for 7 months.. hopefully sometime in january il have the streinth to suicide.. im a little scared…jyst have a little unfinished bussiness… 26 years is long enogh..
Long term chronic pain is difficult to live with. I’m 21 and I have been in and out of hospitals (medical and psychiatric) for three years. All three I was in university and should have been able to experience the best side of that life. Instead I was stuck inside. Now my doctors tell me I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. I have to see psychiatrists because I have already had two failed attempts. They say I use sleep as a coping mechanism but it is a lot sweeter in the unconscious than it is to wake up […]
Things I picked up today after seeing my shrink for the first time in a year:
1) Seasonal Affective Disorder blows. I really don’t want to have to put up with this shit every goddamn time the leaves turn, but them’s the breaks.
2) I was reminded that the probability of getting depressed increases more and more for each successive episode. After two periods of depression, you’re likely to go through a third, which means a fourth is even more probable, etc. Of course this means that as time goes by, it’s increasingly likely that I’ll need to be on meds on a permanent basis. Fuck.
3) I’m […]