Who I Am.

the only thing i fear is not death or dying, but knowing that after
you die there won’t be anything but complete darkness.
whenever i am alone in my room thinking about things,
i always felt that death is coming. I always ask myself why I still
exist in this world. Living without any reason seems painful to me. Every second that passes seems like a wasted time.
Having no purpose at all makes me feel like a worthless person. Sometimes I wonder if I really do have a freedom.
Freedom to choose what I want to be, freedom to do whatever
I wanted to do, or freedom to just live my life. I don’t
know what happened to me. Ever since I got this mental issues, I never felt like myself anymore. I never saw myself like
I used to be when I was still a normal person. I miss laughing hard, smiling and even having someone around. I’m not
just depressed or sad anymore, I’m very lost with reality.
It’s ridiculous to think that I’m also the one who’s finding the
cure for my own sickness. I can’t handle this thing, it’s too difficult for me but I can only depend on myself. My family
have their own problems and I know that time is very precious for them to spend even a second to me. I don’t
deserve to ask for their time, and even if they will give me some
I won’t bother talking to them. One thing I didn’t learn
from this life is to communicate with other people. I can’t share
anything about me because i feel like no one’s interested.
I’m just a sick person who doesn’t know how to deal with people and doesn’t know how to have fun with his life. I tried to
get better but i always fail. Now, I don’t know what else to do
and I don’t know what I want. Maybe I’ll just wait for that
time to come, the time where I will live in that dark and cold place where all you can feel is sadness.