Ok, so i don’t like eating. AT ALL. I haven’t eaten in about four days, but even though my stomach feels empty i keep telling myself i am full, like when you eat too much your stomach feels stuffed. I want to be able to eat but i cant bring myself to do so because it just makes me feel disgusted with myself. My friends are beginning to think i am anorexic, and other people as well. but they are not understanding that i am simply not hungry, or rather that i just do not feel like i have the need to do so. […]

The day I’ve been waiting for is almost here. My method of release is almost on my doorstep and the pain and depression will disappear! ECT didn’t work, group sessions didn’t work. My previous 2 suicide attempts didn’t work. Both my hospitalizations didn’t work. The time is now. I’m so happy and nervous at the same time because I know for certain this time, I’m surely going to die.

As part of my behavior intervention plan it was decided that i shouldnt come on here as often.My plan for death after the family trip is still in motion.Im aware that i could die but its to late to stop cause everything has all been planned out.And for me i dont stop when ive decided to do something.Theres no turning back.Its sad cause my mom said today that ive changed and grown a lot.I agree with her in all ways except one and that is im still sad.Just this general doom and gloom about everything.I cant even call my friend from the hospital cause im […]

if you feel lost or like it will never get better i highly recommend you to give this website a look at.. it may help or make u feel better. she did it.. so can we <3 stay strong www.piawnr.weebly.com

I just cut myself for the very first time, I had been thinking of doing this for a while but never did. Tonight it all was too much and I did it and it was AMAZING, the feeling of the reason on my skin and the slight burning sensation as it broke it apart. The little blood that came out was like the reward for a good job and I can’t wait to do so again.

today was aweful. i felt like a complete screw up. i went to donate blood with my sister. so i get everything ready and im ready for them to do it. they told me to choose an arm . well i stuck out my arm and they saw my cutting scars. they wer like “ur not just doing this to feel the pain are u?” i was shocked and i felt soo judged. i wanted to die right then and there. i wanted to whither away in the wind. my sister came over to me and said i know ur ashamed of the scars and […]

I’ve completely ruined my life.  But I don’t think I ever had one.

Things started spiriling out of control earlier this summer when I quit my job. I’ve been doing contract software development at home for years. It’s a life of sad isolation. I sit in my den and type away for days straight. The job was just going bad, I was losing interest and my boss new it. He pushed me and I snapped. It was sad, because when it started it seemed like there would be so much potential.

Anyway, something happened afterwards that made me realize I didn’t want to be a programmer anymore. […]

someone on SP once told me that love was just the comfort of understanding someone who also understands you…

i’m sick of nobody understanding

nobody understands at all

I’m really tired of feeling so worthless so today I decided to end my life. I took 20-30 different pain killers and nothing has happened.. I don’t know why it didn’t at least make me sick. So I guess today I’m surviving my suicide but I’m not pleased by it at all. I took 24 acetaminophen (extra strength), 10-15 advil, 2 liquid gel advil (extra strength), and 3 liquid gel midol (extra strength). And it’s been hours. Nothing. Curse this stupid society I’m forced to live in. Curse it!

I have a learning disability and right now I’m attending a university. I did the best I can to do well in school. Sadly, seems like I was not smart enough for anything. Thus, I need to end this life. I will miss my parents and my siblings, but I’m a complete failure. I did the best I can in school. I study every day and never play video games much. I know its wrong for me, but the student loans and my failure makes me want to escape this cursed world. I was not meant to be born in this world. There had to […]

In both cases, I have many secrets.  Many told and twisted, others kept in shame.  I could make this post very long and quite wordy; however, I will leave out as much shame as necessary.  First off, everything in my life seems perfect.  Too perfect. I have a great husband, great dogs, house paid off, little debt, and all of the other “blessings” we all find in this world.  We live a quite normal life, as much as we can anyways.  But, I am still sad..all of the time.  Over and over, I think about how much I should not be sad, should know my […]

i feel like im going in inase i keep on talking to myself and im getting crept out by my self. im trying so hard to be HAPPY again for the first time in a really long time but its so hard. so my mom made me practice a 10 sencond part for 10 minutes because SHE didnt  thinkit was good enough and tonight i was doing a project on her laptop adn she keept on bugging in adn tellling me what to do!!!! i am so close to a breakdown right now i literally have tears in my eyes while im writing this. i […]

The feeling that things could not possibly get worse. When you are not even as much depressed as you are angry. When you feel like destroying something and throwing things around. When you sit in class and it takes all the energy you can possibly muster to not scream or have a mental breakdown. Where you are desperately trying to just stay sane. That’s where I am now. I’m trapped. And they all hate me.

This is my very first post on here, and I want to tell you my story..

My name is Emily and I’m a Freshman at High School. Everything seems to be going good so far, It’s an all-girl school so we never judge each other and I’ve made many new friends. Although, it wasn’t always this good. Truth is, I can’t stand my family.. My mother is just that type of person that is hard to love, she’s stubborn and very bossy. My older sister isn’t much better. She’s the cause of all of my problems. From six grade, she would always call me names and […]

Well i want to kill myself. Its been that way for a few years and i mad 1 attempt so far (not recently). If been abused a little as a child, my parents divorced due to my dads drug addiction when i was in 4th grade. I never had a single friend till sophomore year in high school. Every one hated me even tho i was the quiet sit in the corner kid. I was extreamly bullied till high school. The reason im still here is because the 1st friend i made in high school made me think that life is worth living. Eventually i […]

So many nice people here. Sympathetic and caring. Everyone here has obviously gone through their own hell. But does me posting something here affect anything? Honestly… everyone here posts about their problems, then instantly there are comments of encouragement… I honestly don’t need some empty words from someone who doesn’t even know me. All you will do is say “aww thats too bad blah blah blah” then move on to the next life story and say simliar shit. Like my suicide will be your sick source of entertainment for a few minutes. Am I expected to not think about how your attention is divided between […]

I hate my life, I’m failing all my classes.  I don’t think I will be able to go to a university anymore.  My teachers yelled at me for getting such low marks and I’m extremely down.  I just want to end my life right here, right now, because I can’t take this anymore.  I GOT A C+ on my tests BOI! A C+! Unbelievable!  Tears started to flow down my eyes from the shock of receiving that letter grade.  My heart was completely crushed on the inside and I felt like I was worthless.  I just want to end my life because I think I’m […]

First post here. Male, 20 years old,brazilian, never satisfied, always have something to complain about. I have a boyfriend (do I have to say I’m gay?) but can’t say I’m in love. Can’t say I’m not either. This is me, it seems I never have the appropriate feelings. I don’t get along well with my family, I only have virtual friends and can’t say things about how I really feel.

I’m in college, living alone, don’t have friends in my class. I just can’t communicate to people. Seriously, when my boyfriend isn’t in the city I’m living (he goes to college in another one) , I […]

I think I’m drowning myself. I keep pushing myself backward. Every time I shove myself forward four steps, I fall backwards nine. I convince myself to do something and all I see in myself in the mirror is self-hate. I went out to a prayer group tonight, and by the end of the group I was already back to hating on myself. I have no self-esteem. I think I am worth nothing. I don’t want to exist anymore. There are moments when I think that maybe I shouldn’t kill myself, but mostly I just want to end my life. Then I come on SP and […]

HeartCore, Wordy, Ratkity, those of you who gave a shit, I hope you look here, and I apologize for you having to see this.

SP became my home very quickly, and it became a place that I wasn’t safe to be at any longer even faster.

This will probably be my last day here on SP.  I am done, and I cannot take it anymore.  Those of you on chat acted like I was saying shit like “oh at least you don’t have fucked up hips” or “at least you aren’t dying” or “at least you don’t have cancer” when all I fucking said was “at least […]